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Re: I am crushed...
Oct 18, 2005
It breaks my heart to see you blaming yourself for leaving a man who was never good enough for you. Whether or not you ever really had him, you deserve a man who loves you enough not to judge your past, threaten you, or break up with you based on trivial things like being mad that you dated an older man or went to your ex's father's funeral. If he loved you the way you love him and the way you deserve, more than anything, to be loved in return, he would have seized any possible opportunity to work things out with you rather than get all high and mighty and sanctimonious about refusing your reconciliation attempt. I don't know if you remember my past posts, but the man I thought I'd spend my life with turned his back on our relationship about six months ago, so please understand that I know how horrendously painful it is when someone you love doesn't love you as much, when he's not willing to do anything to be together the way you are. But it's absolutely critical that you realize that this was NOT YOUR FAULT. You are not a horrible person, you did your best, and you loved him as much as you were capable of loving anyone. If anything, he's a bad person, for being so judgmental and critical of someone he should have loved unconditionally, for keeping you hanging to feed his ego and his pride, and for using religion and other excuses to condemn you for behaviors he's committing himself.

He's manipulative and hypocritical, and as much as you love him, you are WAY too good for him, and in the long run, you will be better off without a guy who holds your past against you, puts you down, and judges you. Please believe me that everyone feels that they will never get over it and never love again when they lose someone they truly and deeply cherished...but almost everyone is proven wrong in time. It's very sad and terrible that Hiya has been tormented by losing her ex for so long, but that doesn't mean that you will find yourself in the same position years down the road. The odds are extremely good that while you understandably hurt almost more than you can stand right now, this pain won't last forever, and in time you will come to see that he didn't treat you with the unconditional love and respect you deserved...I hope that day isn't far away and that you someday find a man who shows you what real love is all about, because while that's what you had for your ex, I think his ego and selfishness prevents him from ever truly feeling that and demonstrating that to anyone. You deserve so much more, and if you hang in there and keep your distance from your ex, I honestly believe that time and space will heal your pain and pave the way for you to open your heart to the kind of love that overshadows anything you've ever experienced before. I really wish you all the best...what you need to do more than anything now is stop torturing yourself by calling or otherwise attempting to contact your ex. You have to accept that it is over for good and let go, for your own sanity and overall well-being--please don't allow a man who wasn't worthy of your love and devotion to destroy you when you have so much love to give and there are so many men out there who would give anything to love you that way in return once you are further along in your healing process. And please don't give up hope and give up on moving on, because it can and does happen, no matter how devestating and hopeless everything seems now. I've been there, and you have to trust me that if you keep hanging on and just make it through one day at a time without contacting him, things will get easier and better for you in time.

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