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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I think you should go for it, because you'll clearly regret it very much if you don't. Unless you are both planning on keeping your current jobs permanently, I wouldn't worry too much about the work part of it for now. The real question is whether she has feelings for you as more than a close friend and whether she is open to the kind of relationship you'd like to pursue. Love is worth taking risks and since you are only friends now and would remain friends even if she doesn't want to be romantically involved (as long as you guys handle things tactfully), what do you really have to lose here? It sounds like you truly care about her and that there is potential here for something special, so my advice would be to find a time where you two can go alone to somewhere quiet and romantic, then ask her how she would feel about dating. If she says the workplace thing is a problem, tell her you would be happy to start looking for another job right away. If she says she doesn't have romantic feelings for you, then assure her that you care about her very much as a friend and will do everything in your power not to let this affect your friendship. But you never know, she could very well be open to dating, and then you would have a chance to build something wonderful with a girl you clearly adore. To me, it seems like the potential upside is definitely worth the risk, and as long as you are willing to take a chance on the potential downside, why not go after what you want? It's usually a lot less regrettable to take a risk and be disappointed than not to try at all and always wonder what might have been. Regardless of what you decide to do, I wish you the very best of luck both at work and in your love life :).
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=DarkOrchid]Thanks for replying everyone :)

Can you tell me any more about your experience, [COLOR=Magenta]madhatter[/COLOR]? My main concern is that we have to work [I]physically[/I] close together.

You're absolutely right that I would regret it if I didn't make a move, [COLOR=Magenta]stacykgb20[/COLOR]. But I'm also worried that if I do act, that she won't reciprocate and that things will never be the same again. But I think you're correct that it doesn't have to be the end of the world if I let her know I am interested and it turns out she isn't. I know she doesn't like it when guys pester her because she's told me about times when that's happened. I wouldn't be a pest. If she let me know that nothing's going to happen then I'll move on. So I don't think any major harm would be done. But we might not see so much of each other and that would be upsetting.

It's funny that you mention being together in an intimate situation. I told her earlier that my parents were going away next week and made a passing comment about being lonely on my own at home. And then she suggested that she came 'round one evening to keep me company. I wasn't even angling after it, but it's amazing. So far I have only been to her house and there's always something or someone getting in the way. It will just be the two of us and it will be great to be alone. I might get a better idea of whether or not she is interested in me.

Sometimes I think she is interested in me, but then I start thinking that she just views me as a very good friend. Today, for instance, we decided to go into town together to get ideas of what to wear for this night of clubbing. To me it felt like we were acting like a couple. I wouldn't generally go into Claire's Accessories and try on pink cowboy hats for any other girl :D We're just so comfortable with each other. But I fear that if we put a label on it and try to develop it then outside pressures will spoil it :confused: Many thanks for your advice and good luck wishes :)

Hi [COLOR=Magenta]reddoorblack[/COLOR], thanks for your input. I haven't really considered what could happen something did develop and then go monunmentally wrong. At the moment it doesn't feel like we could ever seriously fall out but that's because there's not very much at stake and there's no real pressure. But I suppose it could happen. It's happened to me before. However, there are some positive aspects to weigh up against this eventuality.

Firstly, I would [I]never[/I] do anything to deliberately hurt her. And secondly, I've learnt from my one and only previous serious relationship not to expect too much at this young age. In an ideal world I wanted to fall in love with one girl and only ever be with her, in every way. But I know now that that was a very naive aspiration. I've had to become thicker skinned and less open with my thoughts and emotions. Basically, if she did something to hurt me then I would suck it up and get on with life. My running would probably benefit!

[COLOR=Magenta]vintagegirl[/COLOR], I think there may be a degree of her wanting to improve me. She teases me, calling me a hypochondriac (check the post count and go figure ;) ). But I know she finds me stylish, generous, caring, funny, and fun to be with. She once said she wished I would grow my hair a bit, so I did. But I agreed anyway - it was just short for the summer. The thing is, this last guy really was a wreck. He had a pyschologist for his depression, he only enjoyed himself with drugs, and apparently didn't clean his teeth. If anything, I think she sometimes worries that I think [I]she[/I] needs to improve.

The next thing is a tougher area for me to talk about. It hurts me if I'm honest. I worry that she'll jump into bed with someone sooner rather than later because she has never tried to hide how many guys she has been with. Back to the ideal world thing, I would find a girl like me who only ever wants to share such intimacy with one guy. But I've fallen for her now and I have to believe that I can show her a good enough time that she stays interested in me only. She must sound like a horrible person, but she's not. She spent a long time in a bad relationship and she had a lot of catching up to do.

I'm not like that and I never will be. I've had one sexual partner and it nearly killed me when she left me because I believed we would be together forever and I knew she left just because she wanted sex with other guys. If it wasn't for the fact that she promised we would always be together then I would never have slept with her. I wish I was like the majority of people, wanting to sleep with as many people as possible, but I am not. I never want to just have sex. I only want to make love and ideally with somebody who is committed to me long term. But like I said before, I've had to adjust my ideals. I would rather risk being upset again than be single any longer.

Lastly, I know I said I would be willing to leave my job, but it would be very difficult. I was incredibly lucky to land this job and I have recently started training as well (on the company's money). It's a big mess, really :( But I am very good at creating these situations which probably means I will end up initiating something next week. At least I won't be at work then because I am having a week at college. So if something does happen then we will both have breathing space and time to think about it.

I know I haven't been very coherent in my replies but I would be very grateful for further advice. I am going to speak to a couple of friends and probably my dad. It's most likely they will all tell me to go for it because it's not them that have to face the possible bad consequences.[/COLOR][/FONT]
Good luck, EV--you're clearly an unusually intelligent and thoughtful guy who has given this situation lots of careful consideration, and it seems to me that the potential benefits outweigh the risks. Only you can make that decision for sure, but for what it's worth, it sounds like there is a pretty good chance that she's interested in you as more than a friend the way she's frequently hugging you and invited herself over to your house once she heard your parents would be gone. I was a lot like this girl, from the sound of things, when I was a little younger and closer to your age--I absolutely loved sex, was open and uninhibited about it, and I was eager to experiment with a variety of guys. I often flirty with my male friends and enjoyed casual hookups, but I'd also pursue certain special guys if I thought they'd make good partners...I had two really serious boyfriends before I entered college, and while things were good with them, they were very intense and gratifying. In both cases, we started out as friends and gradually hung out more and more, then started hanging out alone, and fooling around led us to fall in love and have very serious (for that age, anyway) relationships until I broke them off after several years each. It's interesting and somewhat unusual that your attitude toward sex and emotions is in line with what people consider the stereotypically female view and that your girl's attitude is stereotypically male, but I don't think this is all that uncommon nor does it pose a serious problem. It sounds like she is willing and able to be committed and faithful when in a satisfying relationship, and I think you two could be very happy together. It's actually good that one of you is more sexually experienced and aggressive...that should balance out well. With both of my first two serious exes, I was the one with considerably more experience while they were virgins, and I was also the one who took the lead when it came to sexual experimentation while they were considerably more active than me in advancing the emotional aspects of our relationships. In my experience, while some people who are uptight, repressed, or unhappy may judge girls who like sex with different people and don't feel obligated to always be committed to their partners, it's the judgmental people, if anyone, who are actually bad people. If anything, women who are sexually confident and assertive are more upfront and honest than girls who pretend not to have sexual needs just to conform to societal expectations. In any event, I've had quite a few serious boyfriends (and a number of friends with benefits or more casual relationships), and I have yet to come across a guy who wasn't surprised and delighted to be with a woman who enjoyed sex as much as they did and didn't hesitate to take initiative and express her desires.

I think you will be equally happy if things turn out well with your coworker, and I certainly hope they do! I have a feeling you might definitely get a better sense of whether she wants more than friendship when the two of you get to spend that night alone at your house. If she doesn't give you an obvious physical or verbal indication that she's interested in you, I strongly suggest that you bring up the possibility of getting romantically involved in a casual way, putting as little pressure on her as possible. You should then be able to get a clear read on her feelings about that idea, though you must be sure to evaluate her response objectively and dispassionately rather than seeing what you want to see and ignoring signs to the contrary. I definitely think that this sounds promising, and especially since you're so young, you'd be wise to go for it while doing everything you can to guard against any awkwardness between you guys if she were to say no to your advances. Even if she does though, I highly doubt that it will end your friendship or even put a major, lasting strain on it unless you allow that to long as you continue to act normal and friendly around her regardless of whether anything romantic develops, you should be fine. As long as you are prepared for every possible outcome, when it comes to matters of the heart, I think it's always better to take a calculated risk than to sit back passively wishing you had the nerve to act and later regretting your failure to take advantage of a great opportunity with someone you really like. One way or another, if you take a chance on her and handle it tactfully, you shouldn't have anything to lose, as you can still stay friends and coexist peacefully as colleagues. And if things go well, then you have the potential to gain a girlfriend, a lover, and a closer friend all at once, which I bet would make both of you very happy. If you do start a relationship, I have little doubt that she’ll care about you enough and be happy enough with you not to have motivation or reason to stray…if she’s anything like me, she’s perfectly happy being faithful as long as she’s in a fulfilling, committed relationship. And in any event, anyone can end up cheating or betraying you…that’s no reason not to take a risk on someone you really like, especially since she’s probably a wonderful lover who can teach you a great deal about pleasing her and women in general. I think your odds are pretty good and that putting your heart on the line here has a much bigger potential upside than downside, so I hope you go for it and succeed—I certainly wish you the best of luck regardless! :)
No, there's definitely no harm in having a drink (or a few) on a school night to make things more lively and romantic. The more you say about this girl, the more she reminds me of me...some girls are just naturally flirty and can't help being affectionate, friendly, and suggestive around guys we like. It does sound like she expects and wants you to sleep in the same bed, so while I'd suggest not showing her that you're assuming that, I also would give her a chance to make that happen before you do anything that commits you to sleeping alone. I think you sound like a great guy, and a good match for her, as to some degree opposites attract, and I bet she'd hit it off well with a less aggressive, more subdued and very loyal man like you. Not to brag, but I've always been very lucky in love, especially when it comes to building great relationships with the men I like, and most of the time, things have started off between me and past lovers as physical encounters between friends. Some people think that romance and dating should come before anything sexual, but I just can't help myself when it comes to experiencing a guy who turns me on, and I've never had any such encounters that got in the way of me and my partner developing a mutually respectful, loving, and committed relationship. Like we've discussed on other recent threads, if two people really like each other and are genuinely interested in being together, there's absolutely no need to hold back, play games, try to follow any traditional rules of dating, or be anything less than straightforward and candid about your feelings for each other. It sounds like your coworker understands this well and believes in seizing life by the reins and going after what she wants...luckily for you, it also sounds like what she wants is you! And since she likes you for who you are naturally, your best course of action is to keep being yourself. The people I've known who are always comfortable in their own skin and act naturally are by far the most appealing to the opposite sex and enjoy the most success in snagging whatever partners they want. By contrast, the people I've known who invaribly end up disappointed and lonely when it comes to dating and love almost invariably get nervous about any promising potential relationship. This always seems to result in them trying too hard, which people around them sense as desperation and find to be a big turn-off...the more you can be yourself, the better. Don't be one of those people who wants to seduce someone you like so badly that you act forced and try to do everything exactly how you think people are supposed to act while courting, forgetting that the person you are trying to win over with liked you as you truly are. Those who forget this and let their uncertainty and insecurity show through in their efforts to impress and "play the game" perfectly usually make the mistake of changing their demeanor at a critical juncture (especially by playing hard to get), then wonder why prospective partners who seemed so interested initially are turned off and why they end up feeling unlucky in love and rejected by nearly everyone they set their sights on. You seem very sincere and genuine, so as long as you are honest and upfront with her, don't try too hard or act fake, and find a balance between showing her that you're interested but not being too aggressive, I have a feeling that you will both be very pleasantly surprised by the way your night together turns out. I'm excited for you and hope everything goes great--please keep us posted, OK? Good luck!
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=DarkOrchid]Hi [COLOR=Magenta]Ruth6:11[/COLOR] :wave: Thanks for your reply! You're correct that her break up was recent. And on Friday night I realised that she has been more affected by it than I originally thought. You see, she is incredibly happy-go-lucky (she's the opposite of me in that respect), so I believed she was okay about breaking up because she said she was. Ultimately it was he that ended things with her but only because he saw it coming. She had asked for my advice on several occasions as to whether or not she should stay with him. It was difficult for me to remain impartial but I tried to be a friend first and foremost in giving my advice which was mainly not to dump him just because he was going through a bit of a downer. But he became too tiresome for her. This was about a month ago.

Well anyway, on Friday night we talked about him. She told me how she had seen him lately and was concerned for him because his paranoia was getting worse. He has an irrational fear that the FBI is tracking his movements (bear in mind we live in the UK). We laughed together at the absurdity of this but both of us understand that we cannot appreciate what goes on in his head. Whilst he was going out with her he stopped taking his medication (for depression and mild schizophrenia, I think) and now he's a bit of a mess. And Sara is a caring girl so naturally she is worried about him and feels partially guilty. So basically she is less over him that I thought. And I felt bad that I hadn't really considered this. But at the same time I know she would tell me if there was something really serious bothering her about it all.

Right, to update the situation again. Firstly, let me start by saying I am in a state of painful confusion. On Friday at work she told me she had bought me a present and was dieing to give it to me. She thought she might give it to me a Christmas present but she said she couldn't wait. So at her house in the evening she gave me this present wrapped up. It was a humorous short story about a hypochondriac :D Like I said, she likes to tease me! What I want to know, though, is does it mean anything that she bought me a present when there was no occasion for it? I suppose she thought it was a very appropriate gift so it could be rationalised as a simple act of friendship. Well, of course, I have been hoping it was more than that.

Later that evening we went to the cinema and bowling alley with another two friends. As always we got along very well as friends but there wasn't much hint of anything else. For instance, she didn't lean on me in the cinema. She was flirty as usual, at one point telling her friend what a good body I have and getting her to prod my abs. All the girls at work as fascinated by this anyway. And afterward when I dropped the other two off I came back initially to use the toilet and ended up talking to her for two hours, during which we talked about her ex. But we also talked about things more pertinent to ourselves. She made herself even more attractive by telling me how much she likes children, something I didn't really realise until then. Like me she is in no rush, but it was good to hear that she likes the idea of having children too. Not because I imagine having children with her, but because it's a sign that we're on the same wavelength.

So eventually we hugged goodbye and I left. And on the way home I cried because it has been such a long time since I have felt this way about a girl. I decided that, regardless of whether or not we become an item, she is fast becoming my best ever friend. I cried because, firstly, I am an emotional person, but secondly, because I am worried that I am going to mess things up by wanting more :( It feels like our friendship has developed to this level because I have been a good listener and not shown any romantic inclination. And now it feels like I am going to let her down by turning round and telling her that I am also physically attracted to her. So I was quite depressed about it all on Saturday. I drove to a football match with my dad and felt numb the whole afternoon (our performance didn't help matters, either!).

But on the way back I decided to open up to my dad. For one thing I think he was honoured that I confided in him. I gave him the general gist of what I have said here, and his instant reaction was "Go for it!". What I realised, though, and what you guys are probably realising, is that my main concern is less about the fact that we work together and more about whether she actually finds me attractive or not. My dad seems to think she must from what I told him. I personally think she [I]might[/I] find me kind of attractive but, as I said to my dad, I have a supreme lack of confidence.

So after getting back from the football and now feeling a bit more upbeat, I headed into town to meet her and some friends. I was waiting at the bar when I felt a tickle on my ribs. I turned round to be greeted by her achingly beautiful smile which seemed slightly tempered by a mournful look in her eyes. People smile with their eyes as well as their mouth and it seems like she is holding back. Paranoia tells me it's because she knows she has attracted me and now she wants me to back off. Well if that's the case then she her other signals are causing confusion. I gave her drink and we went to sit down. She sat on my lap in a cheeky fashion and generally seemed pleased that I had turned up. She told me she wanted to get me drunk.

Later on we went to a club and met another colleague outside, and she didn't take long to ask if we would ever get it together. I don't know if Sara heard her question or my reply but she seemed to dodge it. My reply was a longing "maybe" which I think would have got more of a reaction if she had heard, so I doubt she did. Inside the club we were discussing next weekend, saying how much better it would be! And we danced together, for the first time actually holding one another around the waist and pulling in close. I wanted to kiss her like you wouldn't believe. And I think she knew, but it didn't happen. We brushed our faces and smiled at each other but we didn't cross that line of safety.

Back at her house we chatted again before going to bed. In her sleep, aside from her infamous snoring, she made noises of contentment - that's the only way to describe them; not sexual but just happy sounding; very bizarre - that made me want to hold her so much but I didn't dare. I was in her bed on the pretext of friendship and I didn't want to breach that trust. I was tempted to watch her sleep all night but I think she would have realised. This morning we woke up and watched television together before retrieving my car and heading into town to shop together for our clubbing outfits. The mood was strange; she was quieter than usual. We were still friendly and it felt like were like couple out shopping, but she definitely seemed reserved.

My biggest fear, basically, is that, like I said, she has realised that I am falling for her and now she wants to back track. We did make arrangements to see each other on Thursday when she will come over here. But I was hoping that we might arrange to do something sooner. My heart sank that I wouldn't see her for four days, to be honest. But she did tell me to e-mail her at work whilst I am on my college course. And now I have four days to think about things. Perhaps that was what she was thinking. I get the impression that, if something is happening between us, she, like me, wants things to develop slowly. Well, I shall see on Thursday what happens next. I very much doubt I will tell her my feelings as my dad recommends. What do you guys think? Thanks for reading :)[/COLOR][/FONT]
Hi there Erimus,

While I'm not too proud to admit this, I can totally understand where this girl is coming from, and I'm afraid it doesn't bode too well for the outcome you desire. You say that you guys need to figure out where you stand with each other, but it sounds like you have already explained on several occasions how you feel and she's let you know both directly and indirectly that she doesn't want to be anything more than friends. And I do think you're probably right that it was the MDMA that made her kiss you--that makes people want to be affectionate and get physical with anyone they like who is available and in close proximity. From what I remember from my days of going out and partying heavily (I didn't do X but loved coke for awhile there as well as drinking and smoking weed), there were plenty of nights when I was happy to cuddle up at the end with any of my guy friends. Like this girl, I always had a lot of different guy friends, some of whom were purely platonic, some of whom were lovers who I knew very intimately and cared for, and most of whom were somewhere in between friends and lovers, who I was flirty and affectionate with sometimes but never dated or got serious about. Some girls are just naturally inclined to have a lot of different guys around as friends and to give themselves a variety of options when they want to get physical without taking risks with strangers who we can't necessarily trust.

Anyway, I am sorry to say this, because you are such a sweet and sensitive guy who deserves a whole lot more, but this girl is quite obviously not interested in a relationship with you. Like a lot of women, she's shyed away from stating that bluntly, but her reactions make it pretty clear, especially now that she is well aware that you would like to take your friendship to the next level. I have had several really close male friends who let me know that they felt the same way though I didn't reciprocate their feelings, and I always had a tough time trying to let them down gently while preserving our friendship and still being able to be close and affectionate. Looking back this wasn't particularly sensitive or mature of me, but I can definitely recognize the signs, and this is what is unfortunately going on between you and your crush. One guy in particular who was my best friend for years wanted very much to get romantically involved, but I wasn’t attracted to him in that way and was careful to avoid anything more than casual affection…he got increasingly dissatisfied with our platonic friendship and with me dating other guys and eventually couldn’t handle being friends anymore. I think that same decision might be the best move for you in this situation as well because you seem to still have hope that something more than a friendship might develop with the girl you like. And I would hate to see you do what several guys I have known have done and waited around hoping in vain that their female friends who they liked as more than friends would change their minds about taking their relationships to a romantic level, which led to them being very hurt, disappointed, mistrustful of women, and missing out on untold genuine romantic opportunities during the time they wasted hoping their crushes would come around and have changes of heart.

I know you feel strongly for this girl and can’t help caring deeply for her, but you can’t do anything about her not wanting a relationship or not being the type to confine her flirting and hooking up to just one guy…you can only change yourself, and you will be continually frustrated and disappointed if you instead wait around hoping she will change her mind about getting romantically involved with you. While if I was her I would be upset about having my friendship with you cool down considerably, I think that’s what you need to do in order to get over her, move on, and open your eyes and your heart to all the other great women out there who might reciprocate your feelings and be thrilled to develop the kind of relationship you want with you. The more time you spend around your current crush, the more pain and frustration you will experience as she continues to flirt and play around with you but avoids anything more serious or committed. I’m sorry I don’t have more upbeat and optimistic advice for you, but having considerable experience on her side of this kind of situation, I can say with certainty that for the sake of your emotional well-being and overall happiness, you are going to need to get over her, and I highly doubt that can be accomplished by being as close and spending as much time with her (and especially not living together!!) as you have been. Please don’t forget that you are a great guy with a lot to offer and that you deserve nothing less than a girl who enthusiastically and happily agrees to be your girlfriend, rather than one who always keeps you unsatisfied and hanging around on the back burner. Take good care of yourself, and good luck!
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=DarkOrchid]Hey everyone :)

Yet again I find myself replying to my own post but again I feel the need to put my thoughts down in words, so I don't even care if I get a reply!

On Wednesday we went to the cinema together with friends and when I left her place afterwards I didn't even try to kiss her; I only hugged her goodbye. The whole evening felt really good. We sat together and I she was turning to me throughout the film and smiling at me. The next day she sent me a message to say thank you for a lovely evening. Reading between the lines I think she meant thank you for not expecting too much and for being patient.

On Friday we went to our work's Christmas party together. Several people kept pestering us both about when we would ever get together and how good we looked together. After the meal and formalities we stayed up all night chatting to our boss in her hotel room. I went out for fresh air at one point and, as I hoped, she followed me. Then we did kiss. And she told me that the only reason she goes to work is to see me and that she'd been interested in me from the start. She said it was frustrating to hear everyone telling us what we already know and we agreed that it was a shame that we have to work together but neither of us wrote off the idea of something happening between us. It felt good to hear such things but I knew that things were not going to be simple.

After the boss dropped us off at her place we laid down on her sofa together and kissed and chatted for about an hour and a half. She seemed to be very contented and reassured me that it wasn't the alcohol or the coke talking (we hadn't had any for hours by this point) when she told me that she didn't know why she was with her boyfriend and not me. She said that she wouldn't mind being together even with the work issue but that I would have to be patient because of the delicate nature of her current relationship. She doesn't want to leave him at the moment because he is otherwise practically alone at Christmas and New Year.

At this point I started to feel terrible about the whole situation. Say she [I]does[/I] leave him for me. Well, he will know that she didn't want to be with him over Christmas and that she was just being sensitive, which I know from experience is worse than just being dumped. And of course I feel guilty myself. This guy is a waste of space but I've still walked in and stolen his girlfriend. Worse still, I'm beginning to wonder if that's even what I want...

I was having a chat with another colleague on Friday and she was telling me how all the girls think I am a great guy and that I deserve a loving, faithful girl. She is correct. I've always wanted to meet just one girl and be with her forever. It's naive and idealistic but it's what I want. I don't want someone who has given themself away cheaply in the past. I would never do it so why should I settle for someone who has? This girl has clearly slept with a lot of blokes and cheated on her boyfriends. I beginning to think it's not worth risking my heart for someone like that.

Last night I went into town to meet up with her and our mates. She was a bit standoffish mainly because she knew her boyfriend was around. He did indeed turn up and promptly ignored her and went away again. Genius. We all went into a different bar and were happily chatting, dancing etc. until her serious ex boyfriend came up and cornered her for a "Christmas chat". Before I knew what was happening she said she was leaving and darted out of the door, obviously upset. I gave her five and then called her. She was crying. I've never known her to cry before. I offered to give her space but she said she would like me to come and be with her.

She was sat outside in the cold still crying. Her ex had told her he still loves her. They split up about a year ago after she cheated on him. She says she still loved him at the time but that she was fed up of his lazy attitude (no job, spending all day smoking weed, typical loser). When he told her he still loved her she told him that she still liked him but that nothing could happen between them unless he changed. He didn't like hearing that so he stormed off. She was crying because she felt like she looked like the guilty party all over again just for criticising his attitude.

I drove her home and did my best to make her feel better. I ended up crying myself because I realised how rubbish the whole situation was. I have got myself so deeply besotted with this girl and she is more entangled with the many men in her life than I could ever conceive. I was basically crying because this episode further eroded my faith in the whole "one partner for life" ideal of mine. It makes me sick to think of all the guys she knows who only befriend her for one thing. At this point I knew that I was going to back off big time. She doesn't need more complication in her life and I don't need someone who is the complete opposite of what I want.

I don't think any of the above makes much sense and I doubt it flows but it reflects the complex nature of the last couple of days for me. I think I need to forget about girls for a bit.[/COLOR][/FONT]
[COLOR=DarkOrchid][FONT=Comic Sans MS][QUOTE=ErimusValidus]At this point I started to feel terrible about the whole situation. Say she [I]does[/I] leave him for me. This guy is a waste of space but I've still walked in and stolen his girlfriend. Worse still, I'm beginning to wonder if that's even what I want...I don't want someone who has given themself away cheaply in the past. I would never do it so why should I settle for someone who has? This girl has clearly slept with a lot of blokes and cheated on her boyfriends. I beginning to think it's not worth risking my heart for someone like that.

She sat outside in the cold crying. Her ex.......she cheated on him. She was fed up of his lazy attitude (no job, spending all day smoking weed, typical loser). I ended up crying myself because I realised how rubbish the whole situation was. I have got myself so deeply besotted with this girl and she is more entangled with the many men in her life than I could ever conceive. I was basically crying because this episode further eroded my faith in the whole "one partner for life" ideal of mine. It makes me sick to think of all the guys she knows who only befriend her for one thing.[/QUOTE][/FONT][/COLOR]

Hi ErimusValidus :wave: I have been following your posts for a while and this last post is almost so prophetic in the sense that it shows how you have fallen into the same exact situation as all the other guys in her past have. What exactly do you see that is attractive about this woman that leads you to believe that she is the type of woman who will be good for you, who will be giving, attentive, trustworthy, loving, sensitive, compassionate, and most of all faithful??? I think that you have fallen into her spell like all the other guys. :nono: It's so transparent and right before you how this girl has nothing good to offer you in terms of a relationship and only takes away any hope you may have of finding someone special that you deserve so long as you hold onto the emotional tie you have to her. It's time to end this if there is any chance at your finding happiness and I think you already know it.

I think that you know that it is time to let go of seeing this girl as anything more than a coworker who has issues to work through. Unless you can become emotionally detached from her I see no way that you can even remain friends with her without her taking away from you.

I know that you find her attractive and perhaps see yourself as saving her from the problems she is facing (which by the way are of her own doing)....but I do not see you being able to help her without losing yourself in the process of doing so. Think about are taking away any chance of meeting the girl that you deserve so long as you are wrapped up emotionally with her.

You sound like a really nice guy who many women would love to have as their BF, however, that is not going to happen so long as you are emotionally involved with this girl. Walk away so you can find your own happiness. You shouldn't be crying, I know you care, but it's time for you to look out for yourself & your own heart.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody :angel:

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