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[COLOR=DarkOrchid][FONT=Comic Sans MS][QUOTE=ErimusValidus]At this point I started to feel terrible about the whole situation. Say she [I]does[/I] leave him for me. This guy is a waste of space but I've still walked in and stolen his girlfriend. Worse still, I'm beginning to wonder if that's even what I want...I don't want someone who has given themself away cheaply in the past. I would never do it so why should I settle for someone who has? This girl has clearly slept with a lot of blokes and cheated on her boyfriends. I beginning to think it's not worth risking my heart for someone like that.

She sat outside in the cold crying. Her ex.......she cheated on him. She was fed up of his lazy attitude (no job, spending all day smoking weed, typical loser). I ended up crying myself because I realised how rubbish the whole situation was. I have got myself so deeply besotted with this girl and she is more entangled with the many men in her life than I could ever conceive. I was basically crying because this episode further eroded my faith in the whole "one partner for life" ideal of mine. It makes me sick to think of all the guys she knows who only befriend her for one thing.[/QUOTE][/FONT][/COLOR]

Hi ErimusValidus :wave: I have been following your posts for a while and this last post is almost so prophetic in the sense that it shows how you have fallen into the same exact situation as all the other guys in her past have. What exactly do you see that is attractive about this woman that leads you to believe that she is the type of woman who will be good for you, who will be giving, attentive, trustworthy, loving, sensitive, compassionate, and most of all faithful??? I think that you have fallen into her spell like all the other guys. :nono: It's so transparent and right before you how this girl has nothing good to offer you in terms of a relationship and only takes away any hope you may have of finding someone special that you deserve so long as you hold onto the emotional tie you have to her. It's time to end this if there is any chance at your finding happiness and I think you already know it.

I think that you know that it is time to let go of seeing this girl as anything more than a coworker who has issues to work through. Unless you can become emotionally detached from her I see no way that you can even remain friends with her without her taking away from you.

I know that you find her attractive and perhaps see yourself as saving her from the problems she is facing (which by the way are of her own doing)....but I do not see you being able to help her without losing yourself in the process of doing so. Think about are taking away any chance of meeting the girl that you deserve so long as you are wrapped up emotionally with her.

You sound like a really nice guy who many women would love to have as their BF, however, that is not going to happen so long as you are emotionally involved with this girl. Walk away so you can find your own happiness. You shouldn't be crying, I know you care, but it's time for you to look out for yourself & your own heart.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody :angel:
[FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=DarkOrchid]Hey [COLOR=Magenta]goody2shuz[/COLOR] :) Sorry for not responding to your reply in the first place. To answer this question:

[QUOTE=goody2shuz]What exactly do you see that is attractive about this woman that leads you to believe that she is the type of woman who will be good for you, who will be giving, attentive, trustworthy, loving, sensitive, compassionate, and most of all faithful???[/QUOTE]

What I see isn't tangible; it is simply idealised in my imagination. I am becoming increasingly cynical but I am a born romantic and I believe that everyone is capable of falling in love, no matter what their previous attitude towards relationships might have been. I nurture the hope that Sara is slowly falling in love with me and that one day soon she's going to realise it and realise how important it is to hold on to that by showing me some commitment and intending to honour it for the foreseeable future. That's what I hope. And this hope is based, to a certain extent, in a realistic perception of Sara.

She is a giving person; she is not selfish as far as her friends and family are concerned. She could be more attentive (I'll go on to that) where I am concerned but I am sure that if we were officially an item then she would be more attentive to me. Trustworthyness is a sticking point. I know that she has cheated on previous boyfriends, and hasn't come clean. Yep, that doesn't bode well, I know. And she has told me that the main reason she couldn't go out with me is because she wouldn't like to risk hurting me by cheating on me, because she realises how much pain it would cause me. But she has also told me that she really would like to remain faithful if the right guy came along.

I haven't fully allowed myself to discover how loving and commpassionate she can be because I am afraid that I won't want to let go when I find out; I don't doubt she could make me feel incredibly special and, over time, very loved. Her sensitivity, however, is another sticking point, which takes me back to her attentiveness. Sometimes I wonder how she can be so insensitive. The reason why I came to post here was because she is being incredibly insensitive right now :( I last saw her on the 23rd when we finished work early and went to the pub for a Christmas drink. We agreed that we would exchange Christmas presents in the next few days but we didn't make firm plans.

Well, guess what - I've barely heard from her! She invited me for a drink on Christmas Eve but I was busy so I made my excuses. On Christmas Day I sent her a message to wish her Merry Christmas and she replied and asked me what presents I had recieved. So I told her and asked her the same question but she didn't get back to me. No biggy. But on Boxing Day I sent her a message to suggest that we meet up the next day (today) to exchange presents. And I still haven't heard from her. It's been more than a day since I sent the message and she hasn't even acknowledged it. That's where her sensitivity bothers me. I find it extremely rude that she hasn't considered how this must be making me feel!

But the thing is, it's out of character for her. And I know that there's a lot going on in her head, as you may recall from my last post. Last week (after her ex-boyfriend had confessed that he still loves her) she was quiet and guarded. At first I thought I had upset her but she reassured me that we were cool and that she would be alright in due course. Now I am beginning to think that she is not alright and it upsets me that she won't come to me for support and advice. She can trust me to lend an impartial ear, as a friend - nothing more. I hate to think that she feels she can't confide in me because we are now romantically entangled. I'd much rather keep her as a friend and lose her as a potential girlfriend than lose her all together.

[QUOTE=goody2shuz]I know that you find her attractive and perhaps see yourself as saving her from the problems she is facing (which by the way are of her own doing)....[/QUOTE]

Lastly, to respond to the above, I am beginning to realise that she is the maker of most of her problems (something which she had blinded me to in the past). And I don't deny that I do harbour a sense of wanting to be the one to save her. And if we're getting really psychological about this, then I think that notion might stem from my only previous serious relationship. I was deeply in love with a girl with whom I had gone through school and half way through university she left me, claiming she had fallen out of love with me. I gradually found out that she had practically slept with a new guy every month since leaving me, and that she took pride in telling people that she had had sixteen sexual partners (it'll be twenty-plus now).

This nearly destroyed me because (although I knew she wasn't a virgin when we first slept together), she always told me that she wished she had been, and that we would always be together. I only slept with her because I believed that to be true, and now I wish I was still a virgin so I could have back my chance to be a one-woman guy, which is all I ever wanted. So maybe I see Sara as a chance to convert a wayward girl to monogamy and redeem that terrible farce. Or maybe I am just attracted to her because she has cared for me so much over the last year. I don't even know anymore. All I know is that it's 12.45 am and I can't sleep because I have been waiting 27 hours for a reply to a freaking text message![/COLOR][/FONT]

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