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Hello...haven't posted in a while. I'm a 39 year old female and have been in a relationship with a 44 year old man for a little over a year. My story is way too long to tell the whole thing, so I guess I'll list a few "incidences" that have occurred between us...sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something wrong...then there are times when I think he's mentally manipulating me...then i feel like I'm so in love...but mostly I'm confused and drained from being on a roller coaster.
1. tonight -- I'm sick; stayed home from work with a fever and a bad cold. he stayed with me last night and left early afternoon...said he'd be back around 4 or 5 (he doesn't work -- retired from the military 4 years ago and has no desire to work). anyway, he went home and puttered around, played on his new computer and spent about 2 hours with his daughter (she's 20). even though i'm sick, i volunteered to start making dinner and he was going to come over and finish cooking. i tried to call him twice to find out when he was coming (because he's always later than he says he'll) and he didn't answer. i waited a while and tried one more time before i got in the shower and he was VERY nasty to me...yelled at me for calling more than once and gave me a bunch of s*** for it. so i said fine, i'll let you go. he called back a little later, very pleasant and said he'd be over for dinner around 7:00 (as opposed to 5:00). i said "okay; well you know i don't feel well, so i'm gong to start the sauce and let you finish when you get here" and he said okay. then he calls at 6:30 and i could tell he was at our local bar and i could tell he'd been drinking (he drinks just about every night). i said "you know i'm sick and you're making me wait and you're at the bar? i thought you said you were going to be late because you had work to do." he starts yelling "are you accusing me of not working???" i said "i didn't accuse you of ANYTHING. i said i was SICK and i was pissed you're making me wait because you're out drinking." so he calls a half hour later, say's he's on his way. then he calls back and is nasty and yelling about the fact he can't find parking and how he left his tobacco on the boat and says he's not going to stay over. he calls a few more times from his car, yelling at me the whole time about parking. finally i said "why don't you just stop by, i'll give you your stuff and you can just go home" because at that point he was making me feel worse by yelling at me for nothing. he parks at my door, comes in to get his stuff and continues yelling at me. i said "i made you dinner when i'm sick...i waited for you when i could have eaten an hour ago and now you're yelling at me for nothing!" he kept yelling, so i closed the door on him. he called me and said how terrible it was that i shut the door on him. i said "look, i made you dinner, i haven't done anything, and you're yelling at me for nothing." he hung up on me, then calls when he gets home and says how sorry he is, how much he loves me, how he wishes he would have stayed at my house. then he says he is going to take a shower and call me after and that he will come over if it's not too late. well, i called him back 2 hours later and no answer...and i KNOW he's at the bar. he goes to this same bar every night, plays pool with the same losers, gets wasted and obnoxious and then calls me in the morning and tells me how much he loves me.
2. last week he told me he couldn't come over because he has work to do on his boat. i heard from a friend of mine that he was out with her boyfriend until 3:00 getting drunk. a bartender friend of mine said he was in the bar being loud and drunk and obnoxious. so the next day he calls me and i said "what did you do last night?" he said he worked on the boat, then went out for a few beers and was home by 1:00. i said "that's not what i heard" and he said "don't believe everything you hear" and i said "hey, it's a small town" and he hung up on me. we didn't talk to for two days.
3. even when we're at my place watching a movie, he's drinking beer or rum all night.
4. he's always screaming about how he needs "his space" and about all the "stress in his life" (remember he doesn't work and basically has no responsibilities..i go to work every day and work HARD and barely make it paycheck to paycheck). he's always like "i have so much to do." a lot of time he's at the bar, playing on the computer, watching t.v. or napping all afternoon.
5. he likes to suggest that i am the one that has mental issues (mind you, he's diagnosed with depression, ptsd and several other things, not to mention the alcoholism and does not take his medicine anymore and stopped therapy). sometimes i think he really believes it IS me and that he's okay.

there's so many other things, but i've already written a book. am i doing something wrong? when i write it, it's so obvious that his drinking is a big factor, but there are so many other things. maybe it's all related. i don't know. but he always manages to make me feel like i'm screwing i have he's SAVING me. i can't seem to break free of it...i've tried a few times and he always comes around and i go right back. i don't understand myself and i don't get the whole situation. i've been told by many people that he is a nut...that he is the lucky one to be with me...that i am by far the best thing that's ever happened to why does he treat me like a piece of you know what? why does he alternate between ignoring me when we're out to talking to me like cra* to telling me how much he loves me? how do even begin to extricate myself from this situation??

thanks for listening.

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