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Am I being silly?
Oct 17, 2005
Hi-

I'm hoping someone could help shed some light on this situation.
I'm 27 years old and been with my current boyfriend for 3 years. He is great. Very supportive, trustworthy, loyal, sweet -- everything a girl would want in a relationship-- however I find myself putting him down left and right.

To give you alittle background on me: I'm extremely insecure- always have been and probably always will be- I don't enjoy much--I kind of go through the motions of life and let things happen....I know it sounds sad- but its how I always was and I'm used to it.
I'm a complainer.. I can complain about winning the lottery--I'm not all that bad; but I'm not an easy gal to deal with.
I've been seeing a psych since I was a teenager-- I'm also on all different types of anti-depressants and honestly to an outsider- ud never know I have emotional problems.. its the people close to me that know it....

back to the situation.. my boyfriend has dealt with me for these 3 years and I love him for it. He has been there for me through thick and thin and always made things better. However for some reason I'm always picking out his faults. If we have a fight- I know how to hurt him....and I do. I say he is fat or has a big nose or something. I wondering if I do these things because those faults bother me about him or because I'm insecure and it makes me feel better.
I have no sex drive. NONE!! It may be the meds, it may be him-- how do I know? I dont have the hots for anyone else- I'm not interested in even having a relationship let alone sex with anyone else....we used to have awesome SEX and I was on the meds then- so I cant say its the meds... I don't know what it is.
My main problem is I can't tell what the problem is-- Do I not love him anymore or am I just being my normal doubting self?
I know the answer I'm looking for.. I want you'all to say that he is the right one for me and to make it work-- and the fact that this is the answer I'm looking for makes me feel like I do want to be in this relationship- however then there is this other side of me that says - anyone who has to ask if they love someone-- probably doesn't (but I may be a different case)... My friends and my sisters answer me by saying 'you just know'... and I hate that answer-- I wish there was a sign-- a sign that says- hes the one and this will work out....

he and I are very similiar when it comes to values. We work extremely hard and are dedicated to each other-- there are no instances of cheating or drifting. We want the same things from life-- marriage, babies , a house!! We have no real baggage from past relationships and my family/friends love him- as his love me.
things really are perfect- except I make fun of his physical attributes too much. His big nose does bother me- and I know it sounds trivial---but I wonder am I using it as an excuse to what is really bothering me.. and that is-- do I really love him or am I settling for someone because he is a nice guy???

this is really beginning to drive me nutty- so much so that he told me the other night we need to take a break to think about things. he doesnt want to live the rest of his life with someone who makes fun of him day and night.. and that is understandable- i just want to know why I do it.....

When I met him I was the happiest I ever was in my life. I had been single for 2 and a half years (after dating soemone for 6) and was coming into my own. I knew what I wanted. I wanted someone who would be a good husband and take care of me, someone who had good values and who would a good dad--- he is all those things-- but is that love?

I hate questioning what love is- its not supposed to be this way - ur supposed to 'just know'- but with him... all I 'just know' is that is that 'im not sure'.. I dated a guy between my current boyfriend and the last one-- it was a summer romance- but I KNEW i didnt want to be with him--I met many guys during those 2 1/2 years that I KNEW were not the right one..So I know I'm capable of the knowing when I want out. When I met my current boyfriend and he had and still does have all those things I want in the future--seriously the only thing slightly wrong with him is he isnt Brad Pitt...I dont know why it is even an issue.

Well- I just wanted to share this with you'all to see what you think may be the issues and your advice. thank you.

CJ





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