It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=mada_3083]no people don't change, and i would say if these two broke up that the girl would go out and enjoy herself. but girls like that, when in a relationship don't necissarily cheat.

why do you have to build trust again in each other? what has she done to not make you trust her... i mean apart from the fact you can't deal with the way she chose to live her life before the two of you were in a monogomous relationship[/QUOTE]


I agree with all of this except I do think that people can change in some situations, particularly from how they behaved when they were very young and immature. As I said, I have a LOT in common with your girlfriend, and while I did cheat on boyfriends in high school, as I grew older I realized that was foolish and hurtful and made sure to end one relationship before starting another. There are numerous examples of people changing their ways once they find the right person or reach a certain level of maturity, so it is misleading to think that everyone will always be the way they've always been. It is a rare guy with the confidence and self-assurance not to be made to feel really insecure and threatened by a girl who loves sex, because guys know so well how easy it is (particularly for an unusually attractive woman) for girls to get whatever they want sexually from pretty much any guy they want at any time. Guys can't really imagine this what it's like to have this option throughout your life, and figure that if a girl likes sex as much as they do, that she'd be unable to resist indulging this power all the time. But having had most guys I met interested in me since I was like 10 or 11, it's no longer such a novel and exciting thing to be able to hook up on demand. Not that it's not fun and that I don't have an awesome time enjoying being single, but it's not like the way people go crazy drinking when they turn 21 because they were denied something they wanted for so long. Your girlfriend and I are both so used to having men and sex available that it's no longer something that preoccupies us and tempts us to the point where we'd indulge that instinct at the risk of hurting and losing a man that we truly love. I think you need to decide if you are man enough to handle having a beautiful girlfriend who loves sex...but be careful, because if you let your insecurities get in the way of being with her, there will be tons of men lined up hoping to snatch her up as soon as you make what they consider the mistake of letting her go. Once you give her up, don't expect to get another chance, as she likely has the self esteem to realize she deserves a confident, trusting, non-judgmental man who loves and appreciates her for who she is and isn't so insecure as to be threatened by her sexuality. Almost every single one of my exes has later expressed regret over my leaving them, because as it turned out, they didn't appreciate at the time how rare and fortunate it was for them to have found a woman who loved having sex with them and had no inhibitions about indulging our mutual desires. So while personally I think you'd regret letting her go, if you can't put your doubts and swallow the threat to your ego you see her as posing, you owe it to both of you to let go and find someone more on your level sexually. I know it's hard to take a risk by trusting someone with your heart, but if you don't risk being hurt, you never give yourself the chance to attain any relationship worth cherishing and working hard to sustain. By the way Mada, you seem like an unusually wise, open-minded, and confident guy, just my type :)...I think you'd be a great match for me and I bet we'd hit it off really well--too bad you live so far across the world! ;)
[QUOTE=stacykgb20]I agree with all of this except I do think that people can change in some situations, particularly from how they behaved when they were very young and immature. As I said, I have a LOT in common with your girlfriend, and while I did cheat on boyfriends in high school, as I grew older I realized that was foolish and hurtful and made sure to end one relationship before starting another. There are numerous examples of people changing their ways once they find the right person or reach a certain level of maturity, so it is misleading to think that everyone will always be the way they've always been. It is a rare guy with the confidence and self-assurance not to be made to feel really insecure and threatened by a girl who loves sex, because guys know so well how easy it is (particularly for an unusually attractive woman) for girls to get whatever they want sexually from pretty much any guy they want at any time. Guys can't really imagine this what it's like to have this option throughout your life, and figure that if a girl likes sex as much as they do, that she'd be unable to resist indulging this power all the time. But having had most guys I met interested in me since I was like 10 or 11, it's no longer such a novel and exciting thing to be able to hook up on demand. Not that it's not fun and that I don't have an awesome time enjoying being single, but it's not like the way people go crazy drinking when they turn 21 because they were denied something they wanted for so long. Your girlfriend and I are both so used to having men and sex available that it's no longer something that preoccupies us and tempts us to the point where we'd indulge that instinct at the risk of hurting and losing a man that we truly love. I think you need to decide if you are man enough to handle having a beautiful girlfriend who loves sex...but be careful, because if you let your insecurities get in the way of being with her, there will be tons of men lined up hoping to snatch her up as soon as you make what they consider the mistake of letting her go. Once you give her up, don't expect to get another chance, as she likely has the self esteem to realize she deserves a confident, trusting, non-judgmental man who loves and appreciates her for who she is and isn't so insecure as to be threatened by her sexuality. Almost every single one of my exes has later expressed regret over my leaving them, because as it turned out, they didn't appreciate at the time how rare and fortunate it was for them to have found a woman who loved having sex with them and had no inhibitions about indulging our mutual desires. So while personally I think you'd regret letting her go, if you can't put your doubts and swallow the threat to your ego you see her as posing, you owe it to both of you to let go and find someone more on your level sexually. I know it's hard to take a risk by trusting someone with your heart, but if you don't risk being hurt, you never give yourself the chance to attain any relationship worth cherishing and working hard to sustain. By the way Mada, you seem like an unusually wise, open-minded, and confident guy, just my type :)...I think you'd be a great match for me and I bet we'd hit it off really well--too bad you live so far across the world! ;)[/QUOTE]

yes i agree that people change with maturity and with finding the right person, i was making the point to who i quoted that this girls behaviour when single was not a reflection on how she'd behave in a relationship.

you flatterer you. trust me, my "wisdom" is hard won over my 22 years on this planet. i've had the insecurity like the original poster of this thread, and it ruined my relationship with a girl i was going to marry. it almost killed me, but i survived by assessing the why's and ensuring i didn't make the same mistake twice. hence the confidence i've instilled in myself.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:13 AM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!