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Relationship Health Message Board

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For probably the first time, I disagree with Rose. I think going back and sleeping with him after he treated you so hurtfully and rudely would be spiteful, immature, really demeaning and beneath you. You should be thinking of yourself much more highly than a woman who would allow a man to disrespect her so blatantly again, no matter what. Not to mention what it would do to you emotionally, because no matter what you're saying at this point, it is clear that you have some feelings for this man and wish he felt the same way. Your dignity should prevent you from putting yourself in a situation where you risk being hurt and humiliated by a man because you want him if he's clearly treating you with arrogance, condescendence, and borderline disdain. He is treating you like a sex object, almost like a mistress or a prostitute--it makes my blood boil on your behalf, quite frankly. Just to list a few reasons why: that email that very crudely stated his physical reaction to thinking about you, not being willing to see you again unless you drive over to his house and sit there at his beck and call waiting to have sex, then sleeping with you and going back to whatever he was doing like you didn't exist, then responding to your email saying you wanted more with basically, "see you, call me if you change your mind and want me to treat you really cheaply again." Now he doesn't have the courtesy to return your message! And even if he does respond, he's not going to treat you any better because you told him you wanted him to, then when he essentially refused, you're still wanting to see him! He knows he can be a bigger jerk than ever now.

I hope I'm not being rude in saying this, as I just want to help, but if you allow yourself to treat men to treat you with disrespect, I am almost positive that is why you say you have had the worst luck with men. There is no such thing as "luck" with the opposite sex...some people are just good with dealing with them and some are not. It could be because of looks or insecurity/low self-esteem, but I don't think that's the case here from what I know about you. My guess is that you try too hard as in wanting something to work out so badly when you really like someone that you ignore your instincts and go with dating book advice, which can make someone bend over backward and not be themselves in their efforts to do everything right to win over someone of the opposite sex. I know plenty of gorgeous, successful, and confident women who have trouble with relationships...while I got pretty lucky in all the important areas, I'm not nearly as great as someone like Halle Berry, but men have always adored me since I was a little girl, and ever since I was old enough to like boys, most of the ones I knew fell in love with me and marveled at how different I was than other girls. That definitely helped, but the reason relationships have actually worked out so well with me is that I pick really sweet, sincere, devoted guys and make sure they know that I can do better anytime if they screw up or treat me poorly. This last sentence is what you most need to make sure to do, not to magically adorn you with a wonderful relationship, but to make sure that at the very least you have fun dating and do not get hurt along the way. If you avoid men who are jerks and/or who treat you accordingly, you will at least maximize your chances of finding a great partner. And since there are so many men into you, please please please stay away from Raj for good and stay off that intimate site!! Seriously, GE, I'd even beg you not to ever see him again, because I am so sure that you will end up hurt and regretting it and feeling worse about yourself...please remember that everything we said to you along the way about Raj ended up holding true, even though you alternated each time between seeing it and being in denial because you wanted to badly to believe otherwise. Please, please do not lower yourself by what amounts to crawling back to him at this point. This guy really sickens me by the way he treats women with such blatant conceit and disrespect. If he lived near me, I would get revenge (although I've decided not to do that to the same extent I'd like to anymore, as it almost got me expelled from school and in legal trouble) and give him a taste of his own medicine. I'd love to see him feeling as miserable and manipulated and disappointed as he does with his "I'd be open to a serious relationship" nonsence. GRRRR.

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