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[QUOTE=realguy]Goody, This thread was started by myself because of the amount of people, who spend many hours thinking, that one person who did nothing but mainly take from them. Be thought of in any form as a love who has helped them. I"m sure there are better ways to make yourself stronger.[/QUOTE] Seems that you do not quite understand that when a woman has had a past relationship with an abuser she didn't exactly go looking for that. It's almost like the thinking that if a woman dresses sexy and she is raped then she was sort of looking for it. In my case I wasn't looking to be emotionally abused. I met a guy....he opened doors for me, brought me out to nice places, walked me to my door, said the most romantic things. I fell in love with him we were together for over a year and I really looked forward to seeing him at the end of each day. Everything was fine and he asked me to marry him & I said yes. We bought a house together and moved in together while we were engaged. That's when he changed from the loving guy I wanted to spend my entire life with to the man who knocked me down with his comments every chance he got, made me feel as if I was inadequate, controlled who I spoke to on the phone, started saying derogatory comments about my friends/family. This came in healthy doses but he would always apologize and get better for a while and then go at it again.

I had a great self love, RealGuy, the thing is by the time I left it was severely diminished. I was in the people helping field so it made me all the more determined to help him as well. I stayed because I so wanted to help the guy, to unbury the man I saw as my future. And when it didn't happen I walked away. What's weak about that??? Did I not have enough self love??

I didn't go out to find this relationship to make me a stronger happened and I used it in a way to strengthen myself and my self love to make sure that it never happened to me or somebody else. I have two daughters who I have shared this experience with so that they will NEVER become victims of an abusive relationship. And I have used it to come here to pull women out of abusive relationships when they do not have the strength to do so.

Like Evy was a bad part of my life that I turned into good. A bad investment. I could crawl up and remove myself from society like a leper only to make it seem like I am undeserving of love because others see me as weak or rise up above it and learn from my mistake and reinvest it into something good.

[QUOTE=realguy]It seems like everyone you meet nowdays has a person like this in their past.

Personally, it didn"t effect me, I moved on quickly upon hearing this about the women I dated. Some of those women are still single and living in their own fantasy.[/QUOTE] I am so lucky that Tom didn't have your thinking....otherwise I would have been labeled weak and unworthy of love because I had fallen in love with somebody who turned out abusive. It's that sort of thinking that often makes an abused woman feel ashamed....I refused to go with that mentality and got the help I needed to get back onto my own two feet. I was a victim not weak but taken advantage of by somebody stronger who preyed upon my emotions and goodness. Does that make me or any woman who sustained this experience less worthy of the things that one who hasn't is worthy of??? Yes....some woman do live still pining for these those cases it most probably has to do with a lack of self love to begin with. Often they come form abusive homes themselves and know nothing else. But also they may have been left by the only one they loved who they saw as better than they have seen and fell in love. They have yet to get the help that they need to realize that they are deserving of so much better. And then there are woman who have left and remember the person they first fell in love with...though it wasn't a viable love it still is part of their life just as any relationship that turned bad. Like those who were cheated on by their ex's....does that mean that they are not worthy of a relationship that is monogamous???

[QUOTE=realguy]It"s when these women complain they can"t find another that bothers me. How can anyone date a person who holds love in such disregard?[/QUOTE] I too find this hard to understand except for the fact that I have been there. That's why it is sooo important that a woman who has been in an abusive situation talk to somebody about it. Many times they are afraid to because, to be honest, they have too many people like yourself who see them as weak and damaged goods. So for the most part they never go for the help that they need to get back onto their own two feet. Most woman who have been abused never would have seen themselves in that situation just as a woman who has been raped. In both cases they were victims preyed upon by somebody stronger than them.

[QUOTE=realguy]The woman I married wouldn"t let a man abuse her nor think of any man who is this type in any high regard. That was attractive to me. Many men liked this fact about her. Shows she knows quality.It"s also called loving yourself. When one can do this. Then their ready to love another.[/QUOTE] Thank God your wife didn't meet up with an abuser or rapist...if she were raped tomorrow and couldn't fight off her attacker would you see her as no longer worthy of your love??

~ Goody :angel:

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