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Relationship Health Message Board


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hi angel,
just want to say that I had the same prob with finding my still boyf had been going on dating sites. I was totally crushed but like you, I decided not to say anything because I knew telling him I knew and staying with him would give him all the power in the relationship. I also didn't want to leave because apart from the dating thing, he is a sweet and lovely boyf.(I know, it sounds impossible!)
I have to say, trust your instincts. All my friends said they thought he loved me very much and was probably only doing it for fun.
I kind of agree, because he never disappeared at nights or weekends and never had funny messages come in on his mobile or anything like that.
But the problem is that things can never quite be the same again. I knew that I would always hate and resent him if I didn't do something, so I met this guy and had a one night stand thing with him(the guy was leaving for Sweden the next day so it wasn't very risky). We didn't have sex but just kissed and shared a bed but the intimacy was amazing and I felt so much better afterwards. It stopped me from becoming this paranoid, needy person and I didn't feel so angry towards boyf after that.
If your boyfriend is erasing messages and hiding things, I would say trust your instincts...that's what I would do. If you can't face leaving him, you should also have a bit of fun behind his back otherwise you will forever hold this resentment and worry and anger inside. Trust me, it really works if you choose the right person.
In my limited experience, if you have a bad feeling about what he is doing, there is usually something(maybe just something small) in it and you should punish him in your own way otherwise you will be forever wondering what he is up to and the balance of power will be in his favour.

I now check his email about once every six months and there has not been any indication at all that he is continuing the internet dating thing. It stopped right about the time, I think, I got back my confidence after my little flirtation and seemed less clingy and more outgoing that before-he looked a little scared actually!

I do think though that if he is actually contacting or even meeting these people, you should seriously consider whether you want to be with him. And if you do, you may one day forgive but it will always be there inside you so think about my suggestion!
Wishing you the best of luck and encouragement from someone who has been there. :)





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