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Making friends?
Oct 22, 2005
Hi everyone,

I graduated from college in Spring 2004 and am still living in the same area. Unlike the vast majority of students from my college, most of whom are from the coasts or international, I finished high school in this metropolitan area and my mom lives here. I lived in an apartment for the last year of college and until a six months ago when I broke up with the boyfriend who I'd moved in with and had already been living with for awhile before we got the apartment near campus. Well anyway, because I left that apartment and am now living in my mom's house outside the city (much nicer than the apartment and all mine because she lives in one of our other homes most of the time, but not nearly as convenient or central as my last place) and because many of my friends moved close to their parents' homes or started school in other parts of the country/world, I only have one close friend (out of my 8 or so close friends) who lives in the same area as me anymore, and we've drifted apart as I've been busy dating and working and being sick with chronic pain and she's always busy with a ton of different things like Superwoman. I'm pretty good at keeping up with out of town friends, that's actually well-suited to me, but I would really like some friends in this area, and if anyone has any tips for how I can go about getting some, I would be really appreciative.

There are some problems though because I am not someone who enjoys socializing, I do not like most people, I absolutely dread calling people, I can be difficult to like, almost all of the time I'd much prefer to be alone, I'm not exactly the world's greatest or easiest friend, I can be very opinioned and hot-tempered, and I'm bad about returning messages promptly. People either like me or not, for the most part, though those who like me and get to know me usually end up being very close to me. The only friends I have lost were either ex-boyfriends (3, most are still friends), guys who wanted more and couldn't handle the jealousy of being friends while I dated other guys (4 of them), or girl friends who turned on me because they were jealous of me having relationships (1) or they wanted to steal my guy (2). There aren't too many of them, but I also never have that many friends, so I really don't know how to go about making new friends. I don't really like to go out that much but I like to play games and sports...I also hit it off really well with most guys but don't usually get along well with girls who tend not to like me from the start. Sorry for all the details but I thought it might help to have a lot of background information. I'm fine with mostly guy friends as that's always been the case, but I would really like to have at least one or two girl friends too, and I do get along with a few girls who are very smart, interesting, confident, and fun. I just don't know how you get to be friends with people once you're no longer in school...I work for myself one on one with students, so I don't meet people at work either. Is there maybe some way to do it online? I think I've heard of some sites where people make networks of friends but maybe you need some friends already there? As you can probably tell, I'm pretty clueless about this and could really use any help you might be able to offer. Thank you to everyone in advance :).
Re: Making friends?
Oct 22, 2005
If you hit it off with guys, maybe girls are intimidated by you. I don't like sports (at least not male oriented team sports), but my boyfriend does, so if any girl liked sports I'd be afraid she'd hit it off with him. I don't know how to make friends either, although I am rarely lonely and I don't have the energy or desire to socialize much. I do have one local friend but I only see her like twice a year or so, but we email. We never talk on the phone though, because I hate making phone calls. I feel like people have different social appetites, and it seems like most people seem to socialize more often than I would want to. So if you aren't very social, it's hard to make friends unless you can find someone with the same social appetite. I too wonder if there is some way to make friends online except I sort of have carpal tunnel so I try not live my life through the computer even though it seems easier to connect with people that way. Plus where I work it's all men and older people so there's not really anyone to relate to. Anyway, I have no advice--I'm just commiserating.

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