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It sounds to my like a lot of your needs are not being served, obviously. You certainly seek that which you cannot get at home, which is normal. Unfortunately, your actions lead me to believe that you hope and believe that things can change for you quickly and you will find what you need is a short period of time.

This is easier said than done, but I would recommend moving back to where your family is for support and establishing yourself again. It sounds like you have a lot to offer so you need to try and gather up everything and be strong and do this. Get away from this individual even if it means getting an apratment acorss town. Do it for your children, not just you. Think years ahead and what type of life your children will have in this relationship. Your son should not grow up thinking women should be treated this way and your daughter should not expect to be treated like such.

Get away and focus on the kids. No doubt you will strike a cord with your hubby. There will be promises of change like before. If you don't want to cut the ties completely just start slowly again as if you are dating. If there is no real intent to change to make things better it will come out eventually and you will now you tried your best. If you can't do this financially then get back to your family. Make sure you look into the laws regarding movng your children. Get some support and break the ties. Once you have the family support you can take things slow and find the right person.

There are many men who would marry a good women with kids from a previous marriage. Good luck.
I honestly think that the best thing you can do is make a decision as to whether you can be married to your husband or not. In my opinion having been in an abusive relationship, no one should stay in a marriage where there is abuse. You have tried your best to give this marriage a chance, your husband continues to have problems with drinking and abusing you, and it is time that you got out and learned how to stand on your own two feet without a man involved in your life for now.

Do you have any friends or family that would be willing to help you out in finding a place of your own??? And you say that you work....can you afford to support yourself & your kids for a while until you figure things out???

For now I would not leave your house until you meet and seek counsel with an attorney. If you leave with your children you may ve charged with abandonment....you need to have on record that he is abusive before you leave. In fact, the next time he becomes abusive I would call the police in so that it is well documented.

In any case....it is apparent that whne the going gets tough you run to a man for help. Learn to find your own strength and support yourself & your kids on your own. You are so young and need to build up your own self exteem before getting involved with another man. Concentrate on yourself and your kids for now. I am sure that when you tell your husband that you want to leave things will get worse...make sure you have a safe place to go if they do but the first thing you should do is think ahead by seeing an attorney and a counselor so that you get some good advice & support through all of this.

Please know that there are also many here who would like to help you. To be honest....many here will frown upon an affair as a resolution to your problems. If anything it is only going to add to them. You need to focus on rebuilding yourself into a strong person before entering into any relationship with another. And figure out where you are in your marriage before going into another relationship. It's not only the right thing to do but will cause less pain to all involved.

~ Goody :angel:
[QUOTE=Goodinheart] I just wish that I could learn to love myself. I know that my children don't need to see this I just don't see how I could get out I really don't and having these affairs make me feel like trash, but then on the other had they make me feel like someone cares... I just don't know, but thank you so much for the advice I just wish I had someone here...

Good in Heart[/QUOTE]

You just said it in a nutshell, honey, you need to learn to love yourself. You are looking for love in all the wrong places and looking for love in all the wrong faces. :nono: Please seek out some sort of counselling....you are soo young and you deserve love and somebody that cares. But it has to begin with YOU. Please go talk to somebody and build up your self esteem a little bit. You are not as helpless as you may think. You need to strengthen your self so that you can fix up your life and make a good life for you & your kids. Go to a few counselling seesions and allow somebody to help you figure out what is best for you. And as far as your kids.....a husband will never get custody unless he can prove you to be an unfit mom which you are not.

You need to focus on yourself and save a little money on the side as an emergency fund. Get enough in case you need to get your own place for a while. If you were to divorce he would still have to support you & your kids. The best scenario would be for him to leave but that is getting way ahead of ourselves. For now, do not find the love in the arms of another man. Instead work on your self love and go to counselling and an attorney so they can set up the best course of action and protect your rights so that you are not left weak. The thing is, you are allowing fear to stand in the way of yours and your children's happiness. Do not allow that....do what you have to do to get stronger so that you can show your children what is right and how you go about doing it. Get to a counselor and some legal advice before doing anything. Be smart and do not allow your husband to scare you into staying in a marriage that will only hurt you & your children. You are stronger than you may think.,.....you may have made some mistakes along the way but you can make things right again by being true to yourself and doing what's best for you & your children.

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody :angel:





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