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Okay well this is how it goes. I am 18 and he is somewhere I'd say between early to mid-30's. We both work together, we get along very well. Thing is...he is married. I am TOTALLY CONFUSED. And I should be right? I am getting mixed signals. I know what most of you will say "Your 18, he is married, get a clue". Haha. I may be young but I am not stupid.
Anyway, he flirts with me all the time, and I like it? I'm not complaining. I flirt back just as bad, but then again, I am single, he isn't. He touches my hand, constantly complimenting me and telling me how pretty, and beautiful I am. I went away to Europe this past summer and he said he would miss me a lot. He once offered to take me home when I was sick at work and had to leave early, and recently he has bought this new truck and wanted to show me it and give me a ride. Well yesterday he did. He showed me everything, explained how everything works and stuff lol and took me for a little ride. I trust him for the most part, I think he knows if he tried anything I would give him a wallap as he knows I want to be a future Cop =] But my problem is, is that I am kinda "Falling" for him. I know there is the age difference but he treats me with SUCH RESPECT. I mean, he really is a very nice man. But I am thinking, well if he is flirting this way with me when he is married, would he do it again to some other girl? Oh course he would, right? I just don't know. A lot of things come into play here. He is married, but yet he treats me more like a wife then he probably treats his current one. He was going to be going away on vacation and I casually asked if his wife was going and he said no, so I am totally gutted. I don't know where he is coming from. It sounds like he is unhappy, but if that is the case why not get a divorce? I don't want to sound casual about it but in my eyes he can't be too happy, because the way he treats me is what you would call "True Affection/Love". And if your happily married you wouldn't be treating someone the way he treats me. He really cares about me. He tells me he wants me to finish up my college classes and is really encouraging me to persue this. I can tell he wants what's best for me. He is always saying " I am so happy for you" and if my shift at work is over he'll go "Oh, are you leaving me?" Just cute stuff like that.
He shows a lot of affection, like today he walked by me and touched my hand. I get a little embarrsesed though because I am afraid other Co-Workers may catch on to what's going on, if they havn't already. Really, nothing is going on at all. We just chat and flirt. I really don't even mean to flirt, I am just a nice person and talking to him comes easily for me but it can sometimes lead to a little innocent flirting on my end.
Just a little advice, but what do you guys think? Am I just acting like a "Typical" 18 year old girl overreacting or do you think something could be here?
Let me know.

There's an old saying:[B] "Guard your heart."[/B] I think that applies in this situation...sometimes "stuff happens" and it can take us completely by find yourself likeing someone, ok, no big deal, then bingo, you catch yourself "missing them" and thinking a lot of them...more than you do others you work with....that's when you guard your heart...distance yourself, align yourself with other workers, refuse his invites for a "ride", coffee, or anything else...and keep your mind and your body will be very hard indeed, if you have "fallen" for him, but in the end, you'll be glad you walked away...the alternative: if you don't end up with a broken heart, it will be because his marriage shipwrecked (over you)....and no woman wants to be a homewrecker...[B]the pursuit of this man's attention and affections can result in only two ways: heartbreak for you, or, divorce and heartbreak of his wife...[/B] I don't think you really want either walk away while the getting's good, and have a good life. :angel:

From your point of view, I can see, how you would feel that you and your boss are close friends who share a connected bond. He is paying close attention to you, and putting himself out there to ensure that you know that. But that bond you feel may not be as true as you would like it to be or think it to be.

Some women and men, to a degree, place more emphasis on different parts of a relationship going into one. You are young and pretty and attentive to your boss. Your attentiveness and youth is probably extremely flattering to this man, who, with him being a married man, probably doesnít get much female attention. So how you come along, and there is a little excitement for him, and for you. Because he engages in flirtations with you (and you give it back), he is getting some ego stroking, which makes him probably feel young and horny. With that said, the special attention he is paying to you may not mean that he is having marital problems, and may not mean that he feels something deeply for you. He may just like to flirt!

Everyone likes to be paid attention to, even married people.

It just depends on how far a married person takes that. You probably already know that this man is crossing some boundaries even though nothing physical has taken place. If you didnít, you would not have posted in the first place.

You can bet that this man would not behave this way at all in front of his spouse. But work flirting for him feels safer because his wife isnít around to catch him. Itís easy for him to get this kind of attention from you because you work together and you both seem to enjoy it.

You really canít say youíre naÔve or ďin the darkĒ about all of this, because you seem like a smart cookie. I think you already know the score here. There are some boundaries being crossed, and in the long run, you or he will be affected by all this flirting.

Donít beat yourself up for anything. If you want to enjoy your job and set a more professional tone for yourself on the job, just stop reading into his flirtations too much, stop guessing about his marital life, cut back on the personal ďare you okayĒ questions, and cut down on the amount of time you spend with him on non-work related issues. Most professionals have to learn at some point how to handle just this type of situation. Always carry yourself with grace and self-respect Ė and donít let anyone cross boundaries that could potentially put your job or your reputation at risk.

Remember, how you react to situations in life now, will help you in other situations later. You are old enough to know right and wrong Ė even if wrong feels good. YOU can set some healthy boundaries and still be friendly at work. It will probably be hard for you and feel awkward, but you will be saving yourself future hurt if you make better choices on how to handle this situation in the work place. It comes up more often than you may think.

You make your own guidelines to a degree, which means that although you have no control over what some people may say or do to you, you DO have control over your own reactions and interactions. Donít compromise that Ė especially for someone who is being inappropriate or immoral, no matter how much you think you care for them.

Take care.

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