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Re: Hey CD
Nov 1, 2005

First of all, let me say how sorry I am that things are not working with your wife. She needs time to herself, and you two need time apart... that means, no sex, just talk if even that right now. You need to maybe just provide her with a sexual abuse program hotline, and let her make the first move. Especially if she is calling the cops on you. Was consent called into question? Did she say you raped her? Did she at all during your lovemaking say no? If she did... means you have to stop.

She is REALLY MESSED UP right now, because of her past, and whatever flood of memories she is trying to hide and run from. Scott, Goody has great advice... you CAN'T do this FOR her. Even as dependent upon you as she is. She needs to hit rock bottom, and even though we thought she did, apparently not. It is NOT acceptable that she continues to have sex with other men while she is with you. God knows what she is bringing home and passing to you. You need to think about your kids. I know how lonely you are. But you CAN'T do this. Call up a support line and get yourself into a group therapy of partners of sexual abuse survivors. They HAVE to have meetings.... ask your therapist... or call a local mental health clinic to get info. or sexual abuse hotline number. There are people out there going through the EXACT same thing as you that can help you through it.

Scott, 2 questions... where is your daughter living, and why were you hospitilized before-- was it for an emotional breakdown (again common for us supporters of survivors!)? There is no shame in that if that's what it was or any other mental health issues; it will better help us to help you.

Good luck, and as Goody says, I am recuperating from the latest surgery, so I had not been checking this board, but will start. You hang in there man. I'm thinking about you.


Thanks CD and god I hope your ok. Yea I had a emotoinal breakdown, just got to the point where I just lost it. I went to her house one night with food and we sat down and then she ask me, "so you must be jacking off alot" I said well yea then she said "well you screwed this up big time" pointing to herself.

That started a big fight and the next day I just lost it. I was in the hospital talking to the mental health guy and withing 10 min he said your fine. Then he talked to my wife on the phone and came back and said Wow she is messed up :(

Saturday when we had sex there was no "no or stop" It was hey you want to get you pipes clean and me being in the state I was I said sure. That was 4 days after she called the cops on me when I got mad and thru a wind chime.

She thinks she fine. She is going out with a guy named shane. Funny after we had sex she said i feel guilty now. I said why, she said I was trying to be good for this guy, I said hell sharon its just me and you and she said yea thats cool then.

She wont go for any help at all. To her she is just being a 37 year old normal woman, yea go figure. Its so hard to be apart with my daughter and stuff. Im so damn lonely right now I cant stand it. I know this woman is messed up big time. I feel so sorry for this Shane guy he has no clue what he is getting himself into. Hell she already cheated on him with me go figure. It seems the only way she thinks she can get love is with her body.

She came over lastnight with my daughter so I could see her in her costume and she showed me the bite marks from her girlfriend on her chest. Guess the girl friend gets a bit wacky when she is drunk.

I so want this to be over CD but everytime I see her I just melt. I still love her and I dont know why. I have no one else tho. If I want any affection it has to come from her. Im a freaking mess and so tired of all this bs.

Hope again your doing ok man, hang in there and thank you very much, you know what im going thru its jsut crazy.

My daughter is with my wife and as far as I can tell she is doing great, her grades are so much better now. Thats one thing my wife is doing right is spending alot of time with her. I did warn her tho if she brought that man in the house with my daughter we would have a HUGE problem, I have my 19 year old son there to, and he wont let a man in the houes when he is there either. And she told me that would never happen.

CD sometimes she seems sane other times she seems insane. The other day I told her I had a date, (I was just watching tv a friends house) she went nuts, how old is she, is she cute, does she have a better body. I just told her it was none of her bizz.

So after we had sex on the day of the date she said "so is her body better then mine?" I said nothing and she slaped me. ***? Then she said thats ok I have had guys with great bodies. OMFG Why me?

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