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I posted earlier about whether or not I should tell my boyfriend that I was asked to hangout and watch movies with this guy I met at the coffee shop. It turned sour - I told my boyfriend that this guy from the coffee shop asked if I wanted to go hang out with him and his mates.

I wanted to go mainly because I haven't gone out with friends in a while. As a matter of fact, I really dont have real friends at the moment since all my close friends have left the country. The closest friend I have at the moment apart from my family is my boyfriend. Im happy with that - I just missed going out with a group of people. I dont know this guy really well - all i know is, he has shown no sign of sexual interest in me and it seems that he genuinely just wants to be friends.

I wanted to go with him and his friends and just have good fun. I told my guy about it and he said if I wanted to go - then I should go. Be that as it may, he says this guy was asking me out on a date. Now, maybe Im just being naive but I didnt think of it that way. This guy I met at the coffee shop KNOWS that I have a boyfriend and that Im very much in love with him. Like I said, maybe Im just naive - I didnt interpret it as a date (honestly) since there were many people going and this guy knew I had a boyfriend.

My guy saw it as a date - So I didnt go. I didnt want to go. I mean my boyfriend was right - all the male friends I have, all of them tried to get into my pants. Ok, thats a horrible way of putting it... but basically males I were friends with for years developed strong feelings for me and tried to take it to the next step. And all the guy I have just met and have NOT developed a friendship with - they all wanted to be more than friends. I dont know about this guy though (the guy I met at the coffee shop).

So yeah - I didnt go. I mean when my guy explained his feelings - I was quite shocked because those thoughts never even crossed my mind. I never thought of this whole thing as a date with this guy. I never thought this guy would try anything - Like I said, maybe Im naive.

Anyways things got sour because my boyfriend interpreted the whole thing as this guy asking me out on a date and I was accepting it HENCE I wanted to go out on a date with him - and thats not true! I DONT want to date this guy. This is where I got annoyed and said - so why do you interpret this as a date? If I went out with an old male friend - its not considered a date (well he doesnt consider it a date. Ive hanged out with a very close male buddy which my guy knew well - my boyfriend did not interpret it as a date at all. He was really cool with it - as a matter of fact he encouraged me to go. So I dont get why he sees this one a date (?)

Is that how it works? If you just recently met a guy and you guys arent really friends and he asks you to hang out - is that a date?

Either way, i respect my boyfriend's feelings. I put my place in his shoes and I admit - I wouldnt be comfortable with it. I wouldnt be comfortable with my guy going out with a girl he recently just met at a coffee shop.

I dont know if this is true and I'm sure many of you would disagree with me but I feel like... one of the hardest things about being a woman is that it seems like you just cant be friends with a guy. Ok, yall might think Im so desperate to have male friends - thats not true. All Im saying is that this guy at the coffee shop was really cool and I would have liked to be friends with him. But if there is a risk of him filling me in while we were watching the movies - uhhh no. Like, I just cant be bothered to go if that was the case. I just dont want to test the water and see if its going to happen.

I genuinely wanted to have good fun and just laugh - but if that means 'something' might happen between me and this coffee guy - its just not worth it. Because I know I will feel bad. And I know Id want to tell my boyfriend mainly because he is my best friend too and I know he will get angry.

Does this whole thing make sense? Am I naive? This is weird but sometimes I wish I could be a kid again. I wish I could go back - I remember hanging out with both my girl and boy mates. We would finish soccer practice and we just all hang out and have an awesome time. I remember all of us being in one room, all huddled up watching freaky movies. Course this is like when I was 13 - but I just miss that. The older you get - it just gets so complicated!

There were many times when guys have asked if I wanted to join them for a coffee (this was before I even had a bf) - I would think nothing of it. I just think its nasty to assume that every guy I meet - most of them just want to get into my pants. But it seems like... thats the case.

I feel so stupid telling my boyfriend that I honestly dont think badly of it. I honestly told him today that I dont think this guy I met at the coffee shop is interested in me in THAT way. Well I wasnt interested and I have never flirted with this guy. Anyways my boyfriend says for someone so mature and smart, Im quite naive.

Do I need to grow up in this area? I know I sound like Im just out of high school but really... Am I naive?
I know my boyfriend could not go and WILL not go. He is just always busy but yes - I did ask him and he just said "You know I cant go".

Like I said earlier, I have met this guy at the coffee shop a few times. We usually chat and just have a good talk. He knows that I have a boyfriend and that my guy is always busy. So when he asked if I wanted to hangout with the gang - I replied with "I dont know" This is where he says "You can bring the boyfriend too"

When I rang my boyfriend to check if he was cool with me going - I told him that the coffee shop guy asked him to come too. My guy didnt really comment of whether he thought this guy was sincere about the invitation or not - again, he just said... You know I cant go.

Honestly, I know my guy doesnt want to be friends with this guy. There are just people you dont want to be friends with and since most of the guys that has approached me (while I was with my current boyfriend) have tried to get into my pants - he is not really ok with it.

Why did it go sour? I dont know myself - I asked him why he was angry. I mean I didnt sneak behind his back - in fact I told him about it and I wanted to see how he felt. He said something like "you know how i feel about it, do you think Id be cool with you going out on a date with this guy?" He basically got ticked because he interprets the whole thing as this dude asking me out for a date, and me WANTING to go HENCE I WANT TO GO ON A DATE with this guy.

LIke I said earlier, I swear - I didnt think of it as a date! someone posted earlier agree with me saying its a group of people going out for the night - I told my boyfriend that yes I do want to be friends with this guy. He seems to be pretty cool but then again I dont want to go if he will hit on me - it will just ruin the evening. I just dont want to bother with it...

I told my guy that im NOT interested in this man and I wouldnt do anything with him. There is a reason why Im with my boyfriend - I love him and Im still in love with him. He knows all this. I couldnt help bawling though because I felt like he was thinking I WAS GONNA DO STUFF with this guy. And I know I wont - Im not interested in him at all - well not in that way! I do find him extremely funny and thats the reason why I didnt mind being friends with him.

My boyfriend says he doesnt think Im going to do anything - (I was crying and I asked him if he really thought Id do something with that guy) he went all quiet and was like... NO I dont think you will do that...I personally thought that was a crock of sh**. I dont know I feel confused.

Is there a way of fixing this? Does this mean I either break up with and have male friends? Is there no way around it? How do I talk to him about it?

Since my guy thinks all men that try to approach me do want to be more than friends - I mean they were attracted to me and that why they come over right - so my guy thinks, they are clearly attracted to me and he worries that if I spend time with them lots - these guys will try something and it will escalate. - Is this insecurity or lack of trust? or is it both???

Im just having all these mixed emotions - apart of me feels so upset and confused. I feel like it he didnt even care that I was honest to him and I said that!!! Oh yeah Id like to make it clear that this coffee shop guy invited me tuesday and I told my bf thursday(which was the night the we wre all supposed to hang out) if I could go - my guy got ticked and said how come I didnt tell him earlier - like wednesday when we both hanged out.

I wasnt hiding it from him. I didnt even know if I was gonna go and it wasnt that of a big deal - but he was all like... annoyed. I told him whats the big deal that I told him 2 days later? I need some input on THIS one. What is the big deal that I didnt tell him immediately? Does it look like I was hiding it? I thought the important part was I told him about it - not the WHEN aspect.





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