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[QUOTE=mada_3083]really this is an issue with your self confidence... sure they didn't work out as a couple but they might be great friends (hey they might have broken up because he's gay, and she likes his opinion on men :))

but can't you understand, she's with YOU. if she wanted to be with her ex, he wouldn't be an EX... so get over it[/QUOTE]

I completely disagree with almost all the replies here except this one and Adriana's. It's perfectly understandable that everyone has their individual opinions about remaining friends with exes, but I don't really see how that's relevant to this situation. My take on this is that Lamotta's girlfriend is probably angry, resentful, and really turned off by his insecurity and attempts to control her. It's not like this guy is even a serious or recent ex--clearly their friendship has been front and center for five years and anything more than that would have already played out if there was anything left to happen. But again, that's really beside the point. Women are not property and just because a guy is dating someone does not give him the right to tell her who she can and can't hang out with, especially if he's trying to forbid her from haviing lunch with a guy she dated briefly years and years ago! I could see if they were a super serious couple and she wanted to see her ex frequently and regularly, but even then, no man should try and bar his girlfriend from doing anything...I'd lose a ton of respect for a guy who did this rather than respectfully expressing his feelings and requesting that I act accordingly. Telling her what to do and making her feel foolish for being friends with this guy will of course make her defensive and if she has any backbone at all, it's no surprise that she reacted by resolving to see whoever she wants regardless of what you attempt to forbid. If I was her, I'd see that as way out of line, cloying, clingy, and insecure behavior...not to mention that it was unnecessarily cruel to try and make her feel stupid and bad about how this guy treated her just to assuage your own insecurities. If you value her presence in your life, I'd suggest apologizing for being so controlling and mean to her rather than respecting her autonomy and not using what she's told you about her past as a weapon against her. If you aren't serious about her, I still think you'll face problems in the future by reacting to insecurities with efforts to be controlling, rather than mature, understanding, and respectful--you'll get much better results if you approach such issues as a woman's partner rather than her keeper. Good luck--hopefully you guys can work things out and not let this fight get in the way. And I'm sorry to react so strongly or if I misinterpreted what happened...I just can't help but feel like if a boyfriend ever tried to control who I could be friends with, he'd be an ex immediately, and I'm very glad that I've never encountered a guy who didn't sense this and respect my independence the way I expect.
[QUOTE=stacykgb20]I agree with Adriana--it's all well and good to say that the girlfriend should bend over backwards "respecting" his demands, but what about what she wants? He's not treating her with any respect or consideration in trying to control her and shame her into doing what his insecurities make him want. I just think respect and consideration should go both ways and it really saddens me when people, especially women, seem to think that a partner needs to give into all their partner's demands, even if they are extreme and irrational, in order to have a relationship when this couldn't be less true. Maybe there's not a gender issue here after all, but it bothers me to hear some of the stuff people have implied about women needing to please their men...[/QUOTE]

Well, for me anyway, this isn't a gender issue at all. I'd be giving the same advice if he poster were a woman and her boyfriend were doing the same thing with an ex girlfriend.
I'm sorry but if a boyfriend or anyone else for that matter tried to tell me who i could or could not be friends with that person would be out of my life and not have to worry about having a friendship with me!

I am still friendly with some of my exes mostly if we see each other we will catch up and chat but we don't hang out.

One of my exes i did become good friends with because he is a nice guy....but he isn't the guy for me. We both realised after time tthat we were both looking for something different in a relationship....he's more the serious type that wants the white picket fence, 2.5 kids, a pretty wife and a dog named bud....lol....me i'm more of the live day by day fun adventure seeker....not that i don't want a serious relationship, i just don't want the same uber stable life he wants and i don't want kids which is big in his books. So we stayed friends...i even set him up with a friend of mine he wanted to meet cause i want to see him happy he deserves it. And yes we do go for the occasional lunch and if we are both single we do friendly flirting a bit because we both know we are attractive people but we both also know we aren't right for each other and respect each others relationships.

If your really concerned about this guy....hang out with him as a couple...you will get a better feel for their relationship and be able to tell if there is anything to worry about....but in the mean time get some confidence and trust your girlfriend.





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