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[QUOTE=Hiya]I recently went to a party thrown by a mutual friend of mine and an ex's. The ex didn't come because his wife would be upset if he would be in the same room as me. Our relationship wasn't that serious to him and it ended 8 years ago. but he had enough respect for his wife to not come because it would upset her. I don't really see the difference between that situation and this one. If your girlfriend has respect for your feelings and cares for you, she would take them into consideration in what she does. If it bothers you that she hangs out with this guy, if she had any respect for you, she would either only see him when you can come along, or cut him out. She's not showing any regard for your feelings or considerations.[/QUOTE]

I see a ton of differences between the two situations...first, your ex is MARRIED to his wife, not just dating her, and more importantly, your ex made no effort to maintain a friendship or any relationship with you and unlike the girlfriend in this thread, it's doubtful that your ex expressed any interest in going to the party to see you to his wife. She wasn't trying to get in the way of a five year friendship because she was insecure and threatened that the friendship was preceded by a two month fling. She also wasn't forbidding her husband to do something he wanted to do. Nini and Nina, you don't have to bend over backwards in order to adhere to men's every wish, especially those driven by insecurity and jealousy and a desire to be controlling, in order to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship based on mutual respect. In fact, if the girlfriend didn't stand up for herself and object to a guy she's seeing forbidding her to see a longtime friend, I'd say she'd be compromising any hope of an equal balance of power within her relationship. It makes me really sad to hear women argue that they need to cater and acquiesce to their partners' controlling demands in order to be good girlfriends and sustain good relationships, when in fact this couldn't be further from the truth. Any woman who has experienced a mature, healthy partnership between equals will tell you that NOT standing up for herself when her husband's insecurities lead him to try and control her to the point of forbidding her to have certain friends would pave the way for her partner to treat her with a disrespectful, authoritarian attitude that would make for an unequal distribution of power and control within their relationship (an imbalance which always undermines and eventually destroys all but the sickest relationships).

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