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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I may begin to rant some during this, so that was a warning. I also might drone on and on. Sorry on that too. With those warnings, I'll start this. I've been married for a little over 5 years. My husband was laid off on his 30th birthday (Jan. 9 2003) He hasn't had a job since. He was at that job for only 4 months, but the company had recently hired too many people and he got cut. Before that job, it had been 15 months since his last job. To sum up, he's worked 4 months out of the last 41. Granted, I haven't had the steadiest work history. I temped for a couple of years, and got laid off a bit during those years. But here's (one) of the kickers, he hasn't been looking for another job. Not actively anyway. I could list times he's *said* he put in applications and such, but he didn't. It's gotten to the point where I have to fill out the applications and turn them in for him. At least that way, I know it's being done. The *other* kicker is he doesn't help around the house. Every once in awhile, he'll do some dishes. Before we got married our "deal" was if he was working (lone) I would take care of the house and cats. If we both worked, we would split household chores, and if I worked he would take care of the house stuff. Well, the good people at H&R Block could tell you he hasn't worked. We've actually qualified for Earned Income Credit. It's like the IRS looks at us and says "WOW! Here, this is on the house!" So, since he's not working, I figure "okay, he should at least take care of housework." Wrong. I keep telling him "okay, do this." It doesn't get done. I tell him again. It still doesn't get done. Usually, I finally either give up and do it or it just doesn't get done. Recently, my job cut my hours. I was doing 50 hour workweeks, now I'm about 15-20. Yet in the paperwork, I'm full time. But that's another rant. I'll come home, and there's no clean glasses. "Honey, can you do some dishes?" "I forgot." With all this extra time on my hands, my logical part of my brain tells me "do it yourself, you're not doing anything else right now." But it's the principle of the thing, you know?! I understand hard times, or rough or whatever. My parents went through plenty of it. But in the end, my dad always got another job. Even if it was just a "filler" job until he could find something better. I know this probably sounds like a nagging, bitter wife thing. I'm trying really hard not to be. But I'm really getting disgusted. Okay, after knowing some of the situation (from my point...his side is that I'm obsessed with money) here are my questions: Can you hate someone you love? Is this emotional abuse? Thanks in advance.





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