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Confused
Nov 10, 2005
This is going to be a long one im afraid.
I met my boyfriend six months ago at a student bar, and we hit it of right away. We are very close and we get along so well, it once seemed too good to be true. Ive never ever met anyone like im, hes very very special to me. We spent all summer together, hardly spent a day apart, always having fun and laughing, it was all perfect. He has everything Ihave ever dreamed about in a guy.
After the four month stage, I went on holiday for two weeks. He called me every day and things seemed to be getting serious. When I got back from holiday, he told me he loved me. It was so magical. My head wasnt up in the clouds, however, I didnt want to believe it was serious and that he was madly in love with me...hes 22 and i thought it was too soon. My feelings for him developed and I fell in love with him. Things were going so good. Then after two weeks, things didnt feel right...he didnt behave as though he was in love with me, he wouldnt tell me he loved me (as he did before)...I cant explain it...it just didnt feel right. My behaviour changed too . After a few weeks, I asked him if his feelings were still the same. After much thinking and crying, he explained that he didnt think he was in love with me, but loved me. I couldnt handle this, so I broke things off but he cried and begged me to have a think about things. I thought about the situation and realised he meant too much to me to break up, so after a few days I called him to talk about thiings and to my surprise he didnt want to get back together. He explained he spent the whole weekend crying, talking to his parents and he realised we werent meant to be. I have never felt pain like that before. I couldnt just give him up like that so I begged him to give us another go...after two days of discussing the situation between us, hearing hurtful comments like he thought I wasnt the right girl for him, we didnt have much in common to keep us together etc, he agreed to give it another go because he said that you oculd never tell what lies in the future. He said things like he knew his feelings wouldnt develop, Im not the right girl, we have fun but he thinks thats about it...but I believed it was him just having a mental block. W have been back together for three weeks now and Im hurting so much at times, so much that I broke things off twice in the past week and a half, but ended up back together. I dont ask hmi anymore, but I have asked him what stage we are at, how he feels and so on. He doesnt like to talk about it, saying he cant promise anything because he doesnt know if he can give me what I want...all I want is for us to go back to the way we were when I came back from holiday. He simlpy says we have got to give it time to see where things take us. Im so scared of losing him.
We go out and have the best time, especially this week, its been very special to me, especially last night. When I am with him, its great, all my negative feelings and fears disappear. They return when I am not with him, when I think deeply about things.
He is a very sensitive guy but I cant understand him and why this whole situation has happened. He says its because we didnt work when we got close, he also explained that he doesnt like getting close to people, but he feels close to me and likes it. hmm. My friends suggested he was cheating but this is highly unlikely because we spend pretty much all of our freetime together. They have told me to give him time, but this is frustrating, i know ive got to give it time but it hurts when i think about the possible negative outcomes. I should be strong enough to deal with it, but Im not. Im so heartbroken I cant even imagine how Id feel if things didnt work out. Ive tried to keep busy doing things, meeting up with friends and so on but nothing is helping.

I feel stupid, my pride has been dented, im so hurt...time isnt helping...i want to fast forward because i want ansnwers (whihc he cannot give at the moment) but only good answers. If they are bad then Id like to rewind. Im so hurt.





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