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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

To me it sounds like your ex-husband and your current boyfriend would be a great man if they were merged together into a single person. Your ex seems to have the emotional and supportive characterisitcs that you look for and that are important to you, while your boyfriend has the looks and the similar interests.

Basically, in a relationship you need to decide what is tolerable and what is not from the beginning and build from there. You say that you like his intelligence, yet when it comes to the real world and being practical and "street-smart" he is lacking. Is this something that you see yourself despising about him, or merely a personality trait that you're willing to deal with? It's the same with your individual religious and political beliefs. If it's something that really gets under your skin and stresses you out, then you might want to think about whether you can deal with it for the rest of your life with this man (allthough you stated that "a lot of the time that is spent with him feels quite stressful. I feel like we don't have much of a kinship.")

It seems that your current b/f is more compatible with you than your husband was, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's the guy for you. It's basically about thinking on your relationship, and weighing out the pros and cons and deciding whether this man is someone you can see yourself with for the rest of your life. You seem to have similar interests and a great sexual attraction to him. But is he emotionally supportive and compassionate enough? Do his beliefs and interests in certain things strongly concern you?

I think when you reach deep down and evaluate your thoughts and feelings for this man, you will realize how you really feel about him. There is no clear "definition" of love and what it is built off of. Everyone has different tastes and opinions about what makes a relationship work. Do you feel completely happy with this man? Could you picture having children with him? Could you picture a life with him and marrying him?

My main advice to you is to never settle for someone that you feel may just be "good enough". You have the rest of your life to find a partner who you are compatible with; you may as well find the person that you have no doubts about.

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