It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Playing Hard To Get
Nov 14, 2005
You'll have to pardon me. This is more of a rant than a question about the whole "playing hard to get" theory of dating.

There was another thread on here about whether women should pursue men and a lot of women replied they shouldn't, that it's the man's role to pursue, and that a man loves a challenge so if you take away that challenge, he'll be less interested in you. But I and a lot of guys I know don't think like that at all. There are certain areas in life where we thrive on a challenge. Sports is a good example. If we're good at golf or tennis, then naturally we're going to seek out an opponent who can challenge us. But dating isn't one of those areas where men necessarily like a challange. Now I'm not saying we like it when it's easy and there's no work at all. If it were easy, we'd probably wonder about the girl and how many other guys she's been with. But the whole "hard to get" crowd makes it sound like the more you resist a guy, the more he'll want you. Give me a break. If I want a job with a certain company and the company turns me down, that doesn't make me want the job even more. If there's a person I want to be friends with but he doesn't want to be friends with me, his dismissal of me doesn't make me want to be his friend even more. That's why the whole "hard to get" game is silly. A lot of men may have a high opinion of themselves and think they can eventually convince a woman to like them, but most men will just move on. Why? Cause they know you're not the only woman out there. And they also have some amount of pride. There's a fine line between being persistant and being desperate. And no guy wants to look desperate.

And let's think about the kind of guys you'll attract if you do play this game. Some will just give up and conclude you're not interested and who knows? Maybe the perfect guy for you was one of those guys who gave up on you. The others will keep on pursuing you. And what type of guys do you think those men will be? Well, more often than not, they will be the guys who have a very high opinion of themselves or they're just desperate. And if the "hard to get" theory is true and a guy truly does love a challenge, what's going to happen when he finally does "catch" you? Well, you're no longer a challenge. The "thrill of the hunt" is gone. So if he thrives on challenge, what's to stop him from looking for another challenge i.e. another woman? One of the problems I have with the whole "hard to get" school of thought is that it basically reduces women to trophies. He's chasing after you like you're a prize, the way a hunter chases after an animal. What happens when the hunter catches his prey? He kills it, stuffs it, mounts it on the wall, cracks open a beer and sits down to watch football. It's a very antiquated way of thinking and you'd think in the 21st century, women would want to be looked at as more than a trophy. Oh well. End of rant.
DonutsNCoffee, thank you for this! Finally someone has said it! May god bless you ;)

Here's the deal, there is a fine line between pursuing a challenge and acting out of desperation. Women HATE desperation...so why do they so often push men this far? Well, I think that many women who never have any intention of ever being serious with a guy just like the attention! Another thing may be the some women want to 'test' their man. Yet another thing is that some women have deep seated hatred for men in general and just like to torture men...as funny as that sounds, its very true! I've run into many a man-hater in my time and they all want to play games.

Whatever the reason is, all of us, man or woman, should avoid people that want to play games and playing 'hard to get' is just another game people play. If you sense someone is doing this, you should get away. Most men know this and that is why most men give up VERY quickly when trying to pick up women that give them the cold shoulder.

In my time, the guys I have known to be the best with women were always the ones that knew how to cut their loses quickly and move on to the next one without ever taking things personally. I know from personal experience that when you find someone of sound mind and maturity they won't play games...simple as that.
I totally agree that game playing is not really the way to find a spouse or whatever. I think maybe there are some women who just like to play "hard to get" but there is a line between playing games and protecting yourself. I had just started dating a man who, I think it was maybe our second or third date, we had arranged to go out on a triple date with two of my friends and two of his friends, and we women gathered at one friend's house, and half an hour passed, then an hour, and an hour and a half, finally we got hold of them and found out they had decided to pick up a table for their dining room before picking us up. About two and a half hours after they were supposed to pick us up, they called expecting us to still go out. I went home and went to bed, one of my friends went out, and the other stayed home. I did end up dating the guy off and on for a while, and it turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life. If I had applied the "He's Just Not That Into You" philosophy, and not wasted my time on a guy who didn't value me enough to show up when he said he was going to and had blown him off then and there, I wouldn't have gotten broken hearted, I wouldn't have wasted the last years of my youth on this guy, and I might be happily married ot someone else by now. There's game playing, and then there's just being smart and self protective and just not letting a man waste your time and mess you over.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]YES, I think you're right! :D Whenever I was really nice and sweet to a guy, it NEVER worked in my favor! I mean, NEVER.[/QUOTE]

Sophia, I think you've been meeting the wrong kind of men. Whenever I had a woman be really nice and sweet to me, it always made me think better of her. It didn't always make me attracted to her, but I would always like being around her if she treated me that way.
[QUOTE=DonutsNCoffee]Sophia, I think you've been meeting the wrong kind of men. Whenever I had a woman be really nice and sweet to me, it always made me think better of her. It didn't always make me attracted to her, but I would always like being around her if she treated me that way.[/QUOTE]

Well, perhaps I have :confused: THe guys I dated were attracted to me and crazy about me UNTIL I fell in love with them and started being nice. Go figure.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]Well, perhaps I have :confused: THe guys I dated were attracted to me and crazy about me UNTIL I fell in love with them and started being nice. Go figure.[/QUOTE]
that sounds like what typically happens to guys!! they get nice and the girl gets bored. :rolleyes: maybe it works both ways. :confused:





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:47 AM.





2019 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!