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I had this problem in my relationship- same as you, more or less, except my ex DID get over it, but I didnt get over how he had made me feel at the time. He was a virgin (very religious) and Im not and not all that religious at all. I thought we were going to get married, etc etc. and we talked about it all the time. We used to have issues (I know I did) with the fact that he just never desired to sleep with me whatsoever, due to his beliefs. I tried to understand it, and overtime I did (Music4All describes it perfectly in this post). It was hard when he would do everything else to me physically under the sun...? And we were SOOO intense and in love so it was hard to not do that, for me, even though I did try to look at his point of view all the time. However, it still was rough to handle, and especially rough when he asked me my #, I told him (he wanted details of my relationships with these past guys, I told him about the more serious ones). Well I learned from that one. I always thought honesty was the best policy, and while I still agree with that, I also think that this conversation should never be had. It made us closer at first, but I think in the long-run he made me feel insecure about myself. He practically forced me to say I regretted it (and I could count the people Id been with on my first hand- Im 23!) when I kept telling him "It made me who I am today, I didnt evenknow you then, had I known you I would have waited for you" and on and on. He actually ignored me all night and cried himself to sleep, he told me. So imagine how that made ME feel.
Among other issues, I just built up resentment over time. It was always about him and his needs. We didnt even break up over any of our differences, it was because he got into dental school, got 'too busy' for me, and in reality just wanted to go play with his new friends, one of them who because his new girlfriend about a week after he ditched me even though he said he didnt know ifit was really over. And he gave me s*** for not being a virgin, yet he can do this?
I feel your pain about everything youve mentioned in this post,I really do. Most people gave wonderful advice. It wasnt right for you if he couldnt get over it. Ive learned (after 4 months of counseling, crying all the time, changing my life and trying to boost my crushed self-esteem over how he left me) that it wasn't going to last even if we did stay together. The worst part about it is that you have to bury the dream that you were the ones for each other. Not only do you have to forget about the person and cut yourself off from your second half, but everything you ever thought about the 2 of you is no longer. Its so hard. Im still going through it, so the best advice I can give you is to make a TON of changes in your life. Get a new job (if feasible), move (again, if you can), book your schedule so you are insanely busy (this helps, but only after a few months so you have the worst of it over with). Go to counseling if you want, it helped me.
I know what you mean about a crushing self-esteem,but I really think that if the one you love makes you feel bad about yourself, you're better off without him...its just hard to see when you're in love.





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