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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE=Hiya]Wasn't that a great movie??!! For years and years I've been fascinated with their love story. And when they both died not too long ago, how Johnny died just four months after June, that kind of can't live without you, not even death can separate us kind of love that inspires fairy tales, just amazes me. Of course, it would have been nice if he had officially ended his first marriage before he had pursued June so hard but.... :rolleyes: ;) He just knew she as the one, and just had to be with her. I'm not sure if men really love like that anymore, at least not in a way that isn't totally sick and scary!

I've had the same experiences. I don't know if they're all "just not that into me" or just wimpy, but I've met so many wimpy men in my life. When I had just broken up with my ex the first time, the UPS guy asked me out, and he did it in front of everyone in the office, so I was self conscious to say the least. I didn't want to say yes in front of everyone, so I gave him my phone number and told him I'd think about it and to call me. He never did and I asked him why, and he said "well, I figured if you had to think about it that hard, the answer was no." What a wimp!!! I would have gone out with him, I just didn't want the whole office knowing about it! Anyway, it seems the only guys who really pursue you are the guys who do it out of lack of inhibition and no sense of boundaries, rather than a devotion to us and a sense that we feel the same way deep down inside. *sigh* my kingdom for a sweet, love-lorn Lloyd Dobbler standing outside my bedroom window playing "In Your Eyes" from a boombox held over his head![/QUOTE]
I know--it really was a great movie!! I am with you about wondering if that kind of love even exists now. I definitely agree with everything you said above.

If a guy was really interested in me, it seems like he wouldn't mind being friends first--so we could really get to know each other, but nowadays guys think you are not interested in them if you want to be friends first. I thought it was sweet how June and Johnny thought of each other as their best friend. I want that! Of course there has to be chemistry too, which I think the chemistry would get even stronger and relationships would last longer with a foundation of friendship.
[QUOTE=Morboro]Well from a guys point of view I would love to pursue. But I have always thought that women would think a man is some sort of nut case if he did that.[/QUOTE]

Well, of course there is a difference between pursuing and stalking. But in my case, like with UPS guy, he couldn't even pick up a phone and call the number that I gave him. How are you going to tackle life's problems if you're so afraid of rejection that you can't even pick up the phone and ask a girl out when she gave you her number??!! Women don't usually give their number to men if they don't want him to call her. I think the art of pursuing a woman also includes the art of being able to read her and the signals she sends out. The pursuing has to be in proportion to her interest in you and what's appropriate for the situation. For example, a girl you work with and have gone out on business-related things with and has never shown any interest in you other than the work you share, sending her flowers would be a bit inappropriate. And of course if she tells you she's not interested, then you should take that at face value. But I think women will always appreciate a man who isn't afraid to take charge and little, put himself out there and show her that he's interested in her. Especially with the book "He's Just Not That Into You" being so popular and so many women adhering to it.

GG, yes, I think being friends is key. I know some people don't believe it's necessary to think of your spouse as your best friend, but I can't see being married to, eating with, sleeping in the same bed with, someone who wasn't the person I trusted the most, and who wasn't my best friend. I mean, men and women are different, and I don't think you can have a friendship with a man the same way you can have a friendship with another woman. There are just things you can't talk to men about, and some things you can't do with me, like see movies like Steel Magnolias or go to the opera or the ballet. But on some level, there would certainly have to be a level of "this person is my confidante, support, companion, this person has my back and I trust him to not drop the ball, and I have his and he trusts me with that."





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