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[QUOTE=Morboro]Well from a guys point of view I would love to pursue. But I have always thought that women would think a man is some sort of nut case if he did that.[/QUOTE]

Well, of course there is a difference between pursuing and stalking. But in my case, like with UPS guy, he couldn't even pick up a phone and call the number that I gave him. How are you going to tackle life's problems if you're so afraid of rejection that you can't even pick up the phone and ask a girl out when she gave you her number??!! Women don't usually give their number to men if they don't want him to call her. I think the art of pursuing a woman also includes the art of being able to read her and the signals she sends out. The pursuing has to be in proportion to her interest in you and what's appropriate for the situation. For example, a girl you work with and have gone out on business-related things with and has never shown any interest in you other than the work you share, sending her flowers would be a bit inappropriate. And of course if she tells you she's not interested, then you should take that at face value. But I think women will always appreciate a man who isn't afraid to take charge and little, put himself out there and show her that he's interested in her. Especially with the book "He's Just Not That Into You" being so popular and so many women adhering to it.

GG, yes, I think being friends is key. I know some people don't believe it's necessary to think of your spouse as your best friend, but I can't see being married to, eating with, sleeping in the same bed with, someone who wasn't the person I trusted the most, and who wasn't my best friend. I mean, men and women are different, and I don't think you can have a friendship with a man the same way you can have a friendship with another woman. There are just things you can't talk to men about, and some things you can't do with me, like see movies like Steel Magnolias or go to the opera or the ballet. But on some level, there would certainly have to be a level of "this person is my confidante, support, companion, this person has my back and I trust him to not drop the ball, and I have his and he trusts me with that."
[QUOTE=Hiya]"For example, a girl you work with and have gone out on business-related things with and has never shown any interest in you other than the work you share, sending her flowers would be a bit inappropriate. And of course if she tells you she's not interested, then you should take that at face value. But I think women will always appreciate a man who isn't afraid to take charge and little, put himself out there and show her that he's interested in her. Especially with the book "He's Just Not That Into You" being so popular and so many women adhering to it."[/QUOTE]

So would you recommend me pursuing the girl I've been on about in the topic I made?
Because to me just saying that she does not want anything serious leaves me guessing, maybe she is interested and just to unsure and it's to early.

I would just like to be friends again, we have not spoken since I called her.
[QUOTE=mada_3083]
3. why should it be on the guy to make arelationship happen... what we're not good enough to be desirable, or desired?

4. if you don't like us the first time, why is there any reason it'd last.

5. we could pursue forever, and waste many other opportunities to be with othre fantastic girls.

now give me a reason to pursue... give me a sign that you want to be with me, and i'll overcome any obsticle...[/QUOTE]

To answer question 3, like Carrie said on an episode of Sex And The City when she decided she wanted her ex boyfriend back and went to his home and threw pebbles at his window, "when men make a grant gesture of love, it's considered bold and romantic. When women do it, it's considered desperate and psycho." Call it the unfairness of biology.

Your lst statement is what I'm saying. The girl has to be interested, at least a little, for any pursuing to be worthwhile. Women let you know when they're interested, I think. And they let you know when they're not. If they say "I'm not interested, I only want to be friends, I'm not ready for a relationship now, etc etc." then, like I said, you should take that at face value. But you have to go on a case by case basis.
[QUOTE=Hiya]To answer question 3, like Carrie said on an episode of Sex And The City when she decided she wanted her ex boyfriend back and went to his home and threw pebbles at his window, "when men make a grant gesture of love, it's considered bold and romantic. When women do it, it's considered desperate and psycho." Call it the unfairness of biology.

Your lst statement is what I'm saying. The girl has to be interested, at least a little, for any pursuing to be worthwhile. Women let you know when they're interested, I think. And they let you know when they're not. If they say "I'm not interested, I only want to be friends, I'm not ready for a relationship now, etc etc." then, like I said, you should take that at face value. But you have to go on a case by case basis.[/QUOTE]


but girls DON'T make it known... oh i know you think you do... but things like twirling your hair anti clockwise while pointing your toes in our direction while drinking your drink, and looking at our left ear, with the right eyebrow slightly arched does not tell a man if your interested or not :D for instance this latest interest of mine, she asks me out on one date, accepts a second from me, then is hesitant about a 3rd (but neither comments on whether she never wants to see me again, or if maybe the time didn't suit)... but calls up the next day (after the third was shot down), to chat "stuff"... now is that mixed messages, or am i, as a man too stupid to comprehend it.

if a guy makes a grand gesture at love, the woman finds that he's no longer a conquest, and moves on. that's why the "bad boy" thing is what so many girls are into... the whole thrill of the chase... doing a huge romantic jesture kills it for most women... and that's why guys don't do it anymore. and don't get me started on the unfairness of biology. guys struggle alot more than women (especially shy guys) when it comes to dating... we have to approach, pursue, come up with the ideas for the dates, make the first moves ETC... although it's not unfairness of biology, it's unfairness of social conditioning ;)
I've pretty much given up on pursuing girls... it's never worked for me. As I said in an earlier post, I have everything going for me... I'm smart, motivated, good-looking (I've been told this :) ), I treat girls with complete respect, I would never pressure them to do anything they don't want to do... Yet, I've never had a girlfriend (I'm 18).

This one girl I was pretty involved with, we met about a year and a half ago, and we went to Prom and Homecoming together back in highschool. I had a huge crush on her, and I learned a few months ago she did too. Well, I messed it up somehow because I had confidence problems back then (but no more), and I canceled a date I asked her out on because I thought she must not really want to go. Stupid of me, yes. Well, since then, I have asked her if we could be more than friends (we became very good friends afterwards) at least three times. Each time, it's the same old song and dance... "You're such an amazing guy, you would be such a good boyfriend. But I'm just not looking for someone to date."

Each time this happens, we become somewhat distant, until one of us makes a move and we become friends again. Then I ask, and it all starts over.

Well, this most recently happened at the start of october, and we haven't talked since. We spent a whole day together prior, and things went so awesome, it's not even believable. I took a few things she did to be signs, and BAM, I was wrong apparently... I asked, and it was 'no' again.

I've given up. I asked a girl out about 2 weeks ago that I had great chemistry with, and she has a boyfriend. I'm tired of trying to get the girl. I would be the best boyfriend, but oh well... their loss I suppose.

So for me, I'm done pursuing for now. If a girl wants a piece of this ;) , she can come to me as far as I'm concerned.
I disagree...I think you are pursuing the wrong girl. If she says you'd make a great boyfriend and in the next breathe says she's not ready for a relationship she is virutally saying that you are not her type, she likes you as a friend and to pursue elsewhere.

My 17 year old daughter is going through adjustments like this. She was asked to go to homecoming by a guy...he was a friend and she said yes. They went out bowling with a group of friends a few weeks prior to the homecoming dance....afterwards he asked her out....she said yes and when she told me about it she lacked enthusiasm. When I called her on it she told me how she felt obligated to say yes since they were going to the homecoming together. I tried to explain that she should always be honest, that guys have feelings too and she told me that it would be okay. Well they went out on a few more dates, he treated her like a queen and they eventually went to Homecoming. 2 days later she breaks up with him :eek: Not only that...she tries to get advice from another girl at school and he hears that she is going to break up with him from somebody else!!! It turns into a nightmare and hits her in the face. I didn't have much empathy for my daughter even being her mom. I saw it as a pinful lesson learned. The hurt feelings are there, my daughter requests my comfort and support which I am unable to fully give....I explain how honesty in the beginning would have been far less hurtful than dishonesty all along. I know she thought in her mind that it would be hurtful to say no to his asking her out, but certainly not as hurtful as weeks of leading this guy to believe that she shared the same feelings for him. I told her she owed him an apology and to explain what she had learned through all of this. She did and the wonderful guy that he is understood. He proposed that they remain friends and which they are.

What I am trying to say is sometimes when we start dating and don't know any better, we just don't know what to do. I think this girl obviously likes you as a friend and in the nicest way is saying that she is not interested in you as a boyfriend. You have to read the signs and if they are saying "not interested" then pursue elsewhere. The perfect scenario would be if this girl could be honest enough to say to you that she likes you as a friend and would like to keep it that way.....that you are not boyfriend material as she sees it. May be hurtful hearing that but so much less hurtful if she were to go out with you just to spare you any hurt feelings and down the road let you know that she never really was interested.....right???

Hope this gives you a little more perspective on things. Don't give up on pursuing a girl....just make sure that you are pususing one that wants to be pursued. ;)

~ Goody :angel:





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