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Relationship Health Message Board

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Can I get over it?
Nov 27, 2005
I am new to this, but find that the only way I feel somewhat normal is to talk about it often. I have been married for a little over 1 year and have been with the guy for a total of 5 years. I am begininning to wonder if I should've ever married him. Before we got married, he would do some gambling (betting football games) and he has lost at least $1000/year every year since we have been together. He knows that I don't approve of this, yet he does it behind my back and hides it. He also was once heavily addicted to cocaine and so he slips up every once in a while on that too. I also don't approve of the use of cocaine, but he does it behind my back.

When we got married, he left his job b/c he was going to start a full-time program at college (something I completely supported him in) except things have gotten so much worse. In the first year of our marriage, he bet $1000 and lost the bet (without having a job might I add), he started talking to his ex-girlfriend in May (someone he had dated for 8 years) and I just recently found out in October (so it went on for 5 months) AND he was doing cocaine for about two months straight over the summer (June-Aug) and was taking cash advances out on his credit card to pay for it. He tells me that there has been a physical and emotional disconnection in our relationship and that is the reason he does all of this. I agree- there is a disconnection- but I attribute it to all of the resentment I have towards him for all of the things he has done. I'm relly past the question of can we fix what is wrong. Now, I am wondering if I will ever get over the resentment I have towards him. Can you be in a relationship if you don't trust someone 100%? I don't think I will ever trust him 100% ever again. How can you? The worst part...the ex lives 5 minutes away from us so I am bound to run in to her and it will be a constant reminder. And, he has only admitted to having an "emotional" relationship with her, but I truly know in my heart that he slept with her and I can't get it out of my head. Any good advice? I am driving myself crazy!

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