It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


I want to know how do I come out of my shyness and allow a guy to approach me? It seems as though I am too afraid of finding the wrong man.

Just the other day, I was in a club, and after 40 minutues of him checking me out, this guy finally comes asks me to dance, brings me to the middle of the floor and we dance. Within 5 minutes, he asks for a kiss. I ignore him. Then he kisses my neck, just a peck. I then tell him I have to return to my friends. He follows, sits by me for another 8 minutes, we talk, then tells me he's getting a drink. In the mean time, he made a comment to want to take me out "sometime." However, he never returned from getting his drink. I think I was too nervous with him, I did not initiate any touchig or anything. Just smiling. It was late, and I was tired, basically on our way to leave anyway. He was a bit too agressive with his approach for me. Was I right?

I'm 29, I'm quite attractive with a nice personality as well. I'm always elegantly dressed to show I'm a serious type. However, I'm really looking for "the one," b/c I really want children and I want to be married. I don't want to play around.

How do I know when I guy is interested? I get so nervous, I don't want to give the wrong idea, however I do not want to kiss etc on the first night/date. I know that a decent conversation is the key to getting to know each other. But at clubs, how can you try to see if a guy is REALLY interested, instead of just a five minute good time thing and that's it? I don't want to play the field and waste my time. I want to give my time to someone who has the impression of me as the serious type. (And by serious, I mean long-term/marriage)
[QUOTE=Hope25]I want to know how do I come out of my shyness and allow a guy to approach me? It seems as though I am too afraid of finding the wrong man.

Just the other day, I was in a club, and after 40 minutues of him checking me out, this guy finally comes asks me to dance, brings me to the middle of the floor and we dance. Within 5 minutes, he asks for a kiss. I ignore him. Then he kisses my neck, just a peck. I then tell him I have to return to my friends. He follows, sits by me for another 8 minutes, we talk, then tells me he's getting a drink. In the mean time, he made a comment to want to take me out "sometime." However, he never returned from getting his drink. I think I was too nervous with him, I did not initiate any touchig or anything. Just smiling. It was late, and I was tired, basically on our way to leave anyway. He was a bit too agressive with his approach for me. Was I right?

I'm 29, I'm quite attractive with a nice personality as well. I'm always elegantly dressed to show I'm a serious type. However, I'm really looking for "the one," b/c I really want children and I want to be married. I don't want to play around.

How do I know when I guy is interested? I get so nervous, I don't want to give the wrong idea, however I do not want to kiss etc on the first night/date. I know that a decent conversation is the key to getting to know each other. But at clubs, how can you try to see if a guy is REALLY interested, instead of just a five minute good time thing and that's it? I don't want to play the field and waste my time. I want to give my time to someone who has the impression of me as the serious type. (And by serious, I mean long-term/marriage)[/QUOTE]



Hello Hope :wave:

Please don't be offended by my harsh response. :D

First of all, only after 5 mins in the dance floor and he wants a kiss, if he did that to me, I'd laugh at his face and leave him on the dance floor.

Second, sweetie, there's nothing wrong about your personality being shy. It's just you. To me, that's better than being a spoiled rotten biatch. :D

Third, maybe you should join a group or club that you like to do. For example, me, I like to salsa :blob_fire ;) It's just something I like to do. I also like birdwatching, complete opposite, but those are some of the things I enjoy so I joined a salsa dancing club & birdwatching club thru the Sierra Club. Eventually, I met some great people whom I have something in common with and converse with.

I also like to volunteer like for Thanksgiving, I served on the homeless food line and in two weeks, I am packing food for the food drive. Two charities I've devoted myself to. I've met some great people there too.

Just some suggestions. Let us know how it goes after you'd given it some time. Also, sweetie, next time a guy asks you for a kiss after only 5 mins, laugh at his face and walk away. You don't just give kisses away like that. He'd have to be worth it. :D

.
a guy is "asking" for a kiss??? :D on the dance floor you don't ask for anything. he should have been able to pick up on the fact that you aren't like that. some girls will do it, some won't. you can tell on the dance floor when a dance will end in a kiss..it would be written all over her face.

btw, there's nothing wrong with you at all. i'm a shy guy which is worse. :rolleyes: there's a differene between shy and not talkative i think. to me, shy is not initiating contact at all. not being talkative is just sitting there and having the guy pull the entire conversation. i don't mind shy girls since i'm a shy guy..BUT..if i approached you and started talking, i'd appreciate some assistance in sustaining a good conversation. :rolleyes: i hate when girls just there with a smile and answer everything in either yes, no or a shrug..i'm pretty sure most guys hate that too and if that's what you did, then that's why he left..or he was just embarrassed by you not wanting to kiss him (which could also be interpreted as lack of interest). on the other hand, if you're shy but open up gradually then that's better.

as far as knowing if a guy is interested at a club..well..you never know..until you know. its hard to judge. i'm a guy that went to the club and in the earlier days (before i learned to dance really well), i thought i could actually meet someone there so i would try to talk to a few girls but its so loud in there most of the time that its not worth it. if a guy asks for your number and he calls you the same night, then you know what he wanted. if he called the next day or day after that, then he might be interested in more...and please, PPLLLEEAASSEE don't start practicing giving out your number and blowing them off when they call. :nono: guys hate that!!
Shy woman are so attractive :)
[QUOTE=Hope25] I ignore him.

I want to give my time to someone who has the impression of me as the serious type. (And by serious, I mean long-term/marriage)[/QUOTE]

well i wonder why he didn't come back... any girl that "ignored" me i wouldn't waste anymore time on... if she said "i'd prefer to get to know you before we kissed" i'd have utmost respect... but ignoring is just rude

well i'm not saying you should give out kisses freely... BUT... hardly any guy is after the "serious- long term - marriage" type.. .yes we want to settle down. but we assume that settling down is natural when we find the right person... we don't go out looking for someone to marry (and nor should you) you should decide to marry when you meet THE RIGHT PERSON.

heck a guy meets you for 5 minutes and gets the impression your just after a ring on your finger or a sperm donor to start a family, of course he'll freak. we want to get to know you first... date and all that. so i would try NOT putting out the signals your ready to settle... i'm not saying become a party girl or whatever... just understand that for anyone NORMALLY it takes time to build up to "this is the person i want to marry" the guys that are out for sex or quick fun will realise this about you quickly enough without you having to show "your the serious type". how? when you refuse to have sex or kiss on the first date. big difference between strict moral values, and being after a husband
hmmm , I just wanna comment that if you would like to find the right person to be your future husband ... then a club probably wouldn't be the best place to look. But of course, that's just what I personally reckon ...
That was just what I was thinking...your not gonna find "the one" in the club...you will however find a lot of guys with one thing on thier mind. heh
Thanks for the advice everyone....No, I DO NOT put it out there that I just want to be married!! :)
That is ridiculous! What I mean to say is that I dress very elequently, in such a manner as to show that I am not the type to mess around. I'm also quite attractive, so I really don't have that "am I pretty enough" complex, that has nothing to do with anything, anyway. I absolutely do not want a "sperm donor" in that sense. I want a guy who is ready to settle down, I would NEVER ask him, after asking his name, "So are you ready for marriage, because I am!" NEVER! Maybe I wasn't clear....

Anyway, from what I take it, I was right to assume he was too assertive for me. The club outings have been only recent, as in the past year or so. I am quite self conscious so I never gave myself an opportunity to get out there. I feel much confident now though. My best friends found husbands this way, so I guess they got lucky. I'm not the club type anyway. I like lounges/cafes, that sort of thing.

I'm quite a talkative person, actually I'm turned off by guys who won't talk to me!! I do not like shy guys, but I do prefer more or less "in between" - not too shy, but not too outgoing.

The reason why I posted was b/c I wanted advice - did I handle it correctly? That sort of thing. I am not a cold person at all. I am very friendly and I would love more than anything a good conversation first. Marriage all that, that would come after a year or so of dating...but I wouldn't want to be with someone who does not have any intention to marry/ have kids. And I would never want children w/o being married first. No way!!

I guess this was just an experience, and I'm sort of glad it happened so I'll know better for next time. I just don't want to seem like a cold person or a "prude." But then again, I'm not the kind to mess around with ;) So, let's see what happens in the future....
I dont think you did anything wrong. The guy probably didnt notice our give a damn...he most likely went to another chick after that. I just wouldnt waste your time looking for a guy to marry in a club. Try to network through friends. It is hard but it seems to be the best way to get to actually know someone.
I actually find shy girls / women very attractive ... don't worry, & shyness is definitely NOT a flaw ....
[QUOTE=Hope25]Thanks for the advice everyone....No, I DO NOT put it out there that I just want to be married!! :)
That is ridiculous! What I mean to say is that I dress very elequently, in such a manner as to show that I am not the type to mess around. [/QUOTE]

if you have all the answers, why isn't it happening yet. my point is that maybe people, through your demenor are picking up that you want to settle down too fast, while they want to get to know you.

you said it yourself that you ignored his request. in my opinion that is why he left, because you displayed rudeness to him. a no, or telling him you weren't looking to move that fast would have separated out if he was genuinely interested... being rude just makes any guy with self respect move on
[QUOTE=mada_3083]if you have all the answers, why isn't it happening yet. my point is that maybe people, through your demenor are picking up that you want to settle down too fast, while they want to get to know you.

you said it yourself that you ignored his request. in my opinion that is why he left, because you displayed rudeness to him. a no, or telling him you weren't looking to move that fast would have separated out if he was genuinely interested... being rude just makes any guy with self respect move on[/QUOTE]

Again, I did not seem rude. I just ignored the "give me a kiss" comment. We were dancing at the time anyway. And if was turned off by that then I'm glad he left. I do not find that to be rude at all! I'm not going to kiss someone like that, just after 5 minutes! And judging by only this, it [U]did not [/U] seem he had self respect for himself, let alone me.

I don't have all the answers. Just for posting-sake, I want to state that I am the "type" to not mess around or just go out with anybody. Nothing in my demeanor stated anything to the fact of "only interested in long term relationship." I guess you completely misunderstood. I said that these are my feelings. All I wanted was advice on what happened that night - that's all.
He was probably just trying to get in your pants. He recognized that you were not easy so he let you be. I wouldnt get hung up on trying to interpret some random guys behavior in a club.
[QUOTE=Hope25]Again, I did not seem rude. I just ignored the "give me a kiss" comment. We were dancing at the time anyway. And if was turned off by that then I'm glad he left. I do not find that to be rude at all! I'm not going to kiss someone like that, just after 5 minutes! And judging by only this, it [U]did not [/U] seem he had self respect for himself, let alone me.[/QUOTE]
you didn't do anything wrong!! there's nothing wrong with not wanting to kiss a guy you met 5 min ago...that is not rude at all!! i think the guy just left 'cause he thought you weren't his type. nothing personal. :rolleyes:
[QUOTE=degen95]you didn't do anything wrong!! there's nothing wrong with not wanting to kiss a guy you met 5 min ago...that is not rude at all!! i think the guy just left 'cause he thought you weren't his type. nothing personal. :rolleyes:[/QUOTE]

no i agree there is nothing wrong with not wanting to kiss after 5 minutes, BUT ignoring someone, no matter the circumstances is rude.
[QUOTE=mada_3083]no i agree there is nothing wrong with not wanting to kiss after 5 minutes, BUT ignoring someone, no matter the circumstances is rude.[/QUOTE]

Again, I ignored him when he said "give me a kiss," and we were dancing at the time!! That's what I ignored, his comment...NOT HIM!!!
[QUOTE=degen95]you didn't do anything wrong!! there's nothing wrong with not wanting to kiss a guy you met 5 min ago...that is not rude at all!! i think the guy just left 'cause he thought you weren't his type. nothing personal. :rolleyes:[/QUOTE]


Yes, that's all it was. Again, I took this more of as an experience, and not as something personal. The last thing I want is any guy thinking something untrue about me. However, this is something I cannot help, I know. But I'm not going to get caught up with one bad experience!! It was just that, and that's all. I just wanted some advice as to know for the future, and what I should/should not take personally and such...
[QUOTE=Hope25]Again, I ignored him when he said "give me a kiss," and we were dancing at the time!! That's what I ignored, his comment...NOT HIM!!![/QUOTE]

ok, i just know if i said something to someone and they didn't even ackowlege that i had spoken, i would percieve that as rude.
[QUOTE=mada_3083]ok, i just know if i said something to someone and they didn't even ackowlege that i had spoken, i would percieve that as rude.[/QUOTE]

I agree with you. However, I never said anything about not acknowledging him speaking!! But when, for example, you don't speak b/c the comment that was made was either stupid or just plain dumb, I would find THE PERSON making that comment rude, I wouldn't find my lack of answering rude!! When we hear things that we don't like or do not want to give attention to, are we being rude by refusing to answer? NO! We just refuse to contribute to the conversation!!!!!

I ignored his "give me a kiss" comment b/c he made me feel uncomfortable. That's all I "ignored." I'm being persistant here b/c I cannot believe you're missing my whole point!! Unless you are doing it delibertately, which then becomes a whole different issue.
[QUOTE=Hope25]Yes, that's all it was. Again, I took this more of as an experience, and not as something personal. The last thing I want is any guy thinking something untrue about me. However, this is something I cannot help, I know. But I'm not going to get caught up with one bad experience!! It was just that, and that's all. I just wanted some advice as to know for the future, and what I should/should not take personally and such...[/QUOTE]
i say don't sweat it. the experience wasn't that uncommon. i'll admit that when i'm at the club dancing, i'll try and get a read on the girl and if i get certain signals, i'll try and go in for the kiss ;) sometimes i get it, sometimes i don't. when the girl turns away, i'll keep dancing but then i'll start talking to her a bit more. i never think its rude if she doesn't want to kiss, its just who she is; matter of fact, i'll try to stay with her a bit longer 'cause all of a sudden i think she's better than the girls that do kiss. funny how that works. :p
[QUOTE=Hope25]I agree with you. However, I never said anything about not acknowledging him speaking!! But when, for example, you don't speak b/c the comment that was made was either stupid or just plain dumb, I would find THE PERSON making that comment rude, I wouldn't find my lack of answering rude!! When we hear things that we don't like or do not want to give attention to, are we being rude by refusing to answer? NO! We just refuse to contribute to the conversation!!!!!

I ignored his "give me a kiss" comment b/c he made me feel uncomfortable. That's all I "ignored." I'm being persistant here b/c I cannot believe you're missing my whole point!! Unless you are doing it delibertately, which then becomes a whole different issue.[/QUOTE]

well i did not realise you considered a request for a kiss stupid or offensive.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:45 AM.





© 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!