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This is by no means a definitive "rul*****" but i know alot of guys out there struggle with the "what do i do now" or the "when should i do this" in the "meeting and getting to know girls" part of life.

this might give you an insight where things may have gone pear shaped. might open your eyes to ways to tweak your approach, because, you know women should be priveleged to go out with you. but the way you carry yourself might be making them think less of you. stopping them to get to know how deeply wonderful you are. alot of this is basic human psychology...

Firstly, understand that biologically, women are after a partner that is at least an equal to them. they are more likely to dismiss you as a potential partner if they percieve you have "low social standing". now that doesn't mean if you drive a flash car, or have a big bank roll, it simply means that they can easily assess how you perform in social situations. after all in their eyes, if you have a heap of genuine friends, and can keep a room enthraweled, and have the confidence to be the center of attention, then most likely you are as wonderful as you are trying to prove. if you have few friends, nothing to talk about, or look uncomfortable in your own skin, they wonder "why"... they don't look and say "oh he's bald or he's short"... most the time those things are "turn offs" is when the person that is bald or short LACKS confidence because of those physical features... look as these attributes as an advantage... if you can be super confident, and walk like your 10 foot tall even though your below average height, she's going to think you've got your life together, and that you've got some special attributes that feed your confidence, despite your stature.

the women that are scared off by confident guys are generally the girls that have issues themselves.. lack of confidence, or their vindictive and like to exploit those weaknesses to get their own way. you don't want anything to do with those people, so don't worry if your confidence repels a few girls. be thankful that you found out they're not good enough for you before you became attached... and that's what it boils down to. your a great guy, you deserve a girl that will treat YOU right, and that will carry mutual respect for one another. relationships are a power transaction in one sense... and a relationship where power is equally distributed is going to be a happy one (as long as neither party is a control freak or megalomaniac)

k now that your walking straight, being relaxed, surrounded by people, and directing conversation (natural leader... alpha male = desirable)... your not looking around very often, because the most interesting thing in the room is where you are, and your the center of it. of course that's going to attract attention more than hiding in the corner.

so you spot a girl that you would like to see if your compatible with. make sure you make an effort to approach her within 5 seconds of her noticing you... otherwise her interest may fade, and the longer you think about it, the more nervous you'll get. now if you approach her from head on, that's confrontational, or she'll see your on the prowl and get her defenses up. approach her from behind you'l startle her, and you want her relaxed. so approach from side on, or about 45 degrees from head on.

make sure your smiling and having a good time. a smile is infectious, and happy people aren't nervous. now you need to initiate conversation obviously. think of a few things that she most likely won't have heard before.. things she wouldn't expect to get asked in a bar or whereever you are... asking her opinion on something is good... just make sure you've got a few things in your head that you could ask pretty much anywhere, and aren't situational specific. things that don't allude to your intentions are best... something like "did you see the fight outside" is interesting enough to catch her attention, without her thinking you want it

when you initiate the conversation. pay attention to your body language. you want to show her that your not interested in her. for instance if she's by the bar, walk up and order a drink, and ask her while looking at her over her shoulder... if your front on with her, and all things pointing towards her, you'll show her your interested... more than interested. sounds logical that you'd want to show her that, but it's not... because she's an attractive successful girl, she is approached all the time. you however are different to all those guys... you;ve got enough confidence that if she doesn't want you, someone else will. again, this will make you worthy to pursue.

basically from there, you still have to chat, but act disinterested until she shows some interest in you (she'll lean in, touch, stuff like that)

then validify your attraction to her (but use something in a non physical sense)... i.e. her kindness displayed in her work with disabled children or something. make sure it's deserved praise though.

after that, you have to build comfort with them. firstly at the place where you met her, secondly in a very neutral place, like if you go out for a bite to eat afterwards, or ask her for coffee the next day (make the date arrangements at the first meeting)

then make her comfortable in a more intimate setting.

hopefully then, all you gotta do is open up to her, and her to you, and it'll blossem into a relationship.
Nice post I couldnt agree more. Confidence and social skills are what get the ladies more than anything else. Having money and drive diff helps but if you dont have the skills than it doesnt really matter. I couldnt agree more aobut what you said about insecure women being afraid of secure men. It took me a while to figure that one out. I rember a couple times when I would talk to a girl and it seemed like she was not intersted and had bad body language. But then later I would find out from mutual friends that these girls liked me and was disappointed that I stop talking to them. I have had an aversion to insecure women since then. Also about the confronting women you got it right on. The side approach, nothing cheesy...making it look like you are not being a prowler. All of these things I have figured out through time I would say within the last 1.5 yrs I have got it down. I used to be horrible with women myself because I was insecure about my height. 5'8''. But I realized it was not what defined me and it does not bother me the least bit now. I encourage every other guy here to read this. Just to add when I want to get a girl I always pretend that I am trying to befirend her. You know how you act around the girls that you are not intersted in? Thats exactly how you should act around the girls your are because it shows them that you are not desperate and do not need women. Women love men who dont need them. Wierd huh?
[QUOTE=OutToLunch]mada_3083,

Your advice sounds too much like a game. I prefer to be honest with people. The idea of pretending to not be interested seems silly. Obviously, you don't to come on strong and make it blatantly obvious that you're interested in a woman, but at the same time, trying to act cool and disinterested seems immature. First of all, women are a lot smarter than that. They can see through most men pretty easily. A guy can act like he's not interested in a woman, but she can tell that he is. Second, confidence is important, but it has to be genuine. There are a lot of guys out there who try to act confident, but they're not. And too many guys end up overdoing it and just end up looking arrogant. You say that some women are scared off by confident guys. Maybe they're not scared at all. Maybe they just think these guys have too high an opinion of themselves.[/QUOTE]

it's not a "game" its simply the truth.. girls get hit on alot. of course their going to be defensive... if you come out and show your really keen on them before you know them well, and they know you well, it'll just appear like your interested in one thing... or that your that desperate that it doesn't matter who the person is, your happy to jump into something without knowing the person.

that sends out warning signals. i'm not proposing fake confidence or arrogance. simply telling people to cool their jets until they actually know the person well enough to actually like them for them. otherwise it's an attraction based on looks, or lonelyness.

and what i outlined isn't a "game plan" it was how most successful interactions go... what can i say... i'm a fly on the wall, and love watching people's interaction... the people involved didn't go, ok that's 8 minutes of disinterest now i move onto the next step, it flowed naturally, BUT successful meet ups tend to follow a pattern... and unsuccessful ones do too... usually a guy shows too much interest before it's warranted... if you act like you want to date a girl just because she looks good standing by the bar... well what does that project about you? and honestly, untill you've had a good chat with her, that's all you know about her. also nowhere did i say being cocky was what to do... your mixing up confidence and cockyness. confidence is being able to talk to a girl without even a hint of fear of rejection, because you know that if she's not compatible with you, it doesn't matter, there will be other interesting girls out there. cockyness is talking to a girl because you THINK she'll go for you.

Also you propose being yourself.. but how are you going to be yourself when your tripping over your own toungue and your standing in a puddle of your own drool... easier to suppress that urge of lust (and by lust i mean desire, not necissarily sexual). and let them get to know the YOU that all your friends think is wonderful, than have them thinking your just another sleezy guy trying to pick her up and woo her with false sweetness. if someone you didn't know walked up to you and started saying you were the most wonderful person, and you'd never met them, you'd wonder what they were on about... it's the same here. by acting interested you tend to over emphasise the good aspects of that person, making them wonder why your giving them compliments they haven't earnt. if you just treat them like any other person, then your showing them that you want to get to know them for who they really are, warts and all, instead of you chasing an idealised version of them that exists only in your head.

also think about it... if you approach a girl at a bar and she knocks you back. what has she knocked you back on. she doesn't know you, and it most likely wouldn't be because of looks... she knocked you back because she didn't see you as worth getting to know. she made that judgement PURELY on your approach to her. now i'm not saying to fake anything. end of the day your personality will make or break it. but you have to get her to chat long enough to learn about you. and it's no good putting it all out there. people don't want a laundry list handed to them, they also enjoy the thrill of learning each little piece, the work that went into it... much like an easter egg hunt, the satisfaction of finding the little gems of info is just as good as the "eggs" themself.

as for women being smarter than men, i disagree whole heartedly... maybe smarter than some guys... but there are switched on people from both genders. also if girls are as smart as you maintain, then they should know the difference between confidence and the "thinks too highly of yourself" type...

and the girls that don't like confident guys are threatened by it. their used to guys being meek around the girl. when a guy's confident, they don't think highly enough of themselves to even consider that they would hold your interest... and do you really want to deal with those issues?

also you say that girls are "smarter" than us... they will pick up if a guy is interested.

they are more sensitive to the body language yes... and that's why guys who are too keen get shot down.

to you, your body language is saying "your beautiful and look like you'd be interesting, i'd like to get to know you better" to a girl it screams "i'm desperate and dateless, please please please come home with me"

so if you tone it back to what you'd consider "casual passing interest" it will probably say something along the lines of "wow you caught my attention, now i want to see if your compatable" to her...





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