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Relationship Health Message Board


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This is by no means a definitive "rul*****" but i know alot of guys out there struggle with the "what do i do now" or the "when should i do this" in the "meeting and getting to know girls" part of life.

this might give you an insight where things may have gone pear shaped. might open your eyes to ways to tweak your approach, because, you know women should be priveleged to go out with you. but the way you carry yourself might be making them think less of you. stopping them to get to know how deeply wonderful you are. alot of this is basic human psychology...

Firstly, understand that biologically, women are after a partner that is at least an equal to them. they are more likely to dismiss you as a potential partner if they percieve you have "low social standing". now that doesn't mean if you drive a flash car, or have a big bank roll, it simply means that they can easily assess how you perform in social situations. after all in their eyes, if you have a heap of genuine friends, and can keep a room enthraweled, and have the confidence to be the center of attention, then most likely you are as wonderful as you are trying to prove. if you have few friends, nothing to talk about, or look uncomfortable in your own skin, they wonder "why"... they don't look and say "oh he's bald or he's short"... most the time those things are "turn offs" is when the person that is bald or short LACKS confidence because of those physical features... look as these attributes as an advantage... if you can be super confident, and walk like your 10 foot tall even though your below average height, she's going to think you've got your life together, and that you've got some special attributes that feed your confidence, despite your stature.

the women that are scared off by confident guys are generally the girls that have issues themselves.. lack of confidence, or their vindictive and like to exploit those weaknesses to get their own way. you don't want anything to do with those people, so don't worry if your confidence repels a few girls. be thankful that you found out they're not good enough for you before you became attached... and that's what it boils down to. your a great guy, you deserve a girl that will treat YOU right, and that will carry mutual respect for one another. relationships are a power transaction in one sense... and a relationship where power is equally distributed is going to be a happy one (as long as neither party is a control freak or megalomaniac)

k now that your walking straight, being relaxed, surrounded by people, and directing conversation (natural leader... alpha male = desirable)... your not looking around very often, because the most interesting thing in the room is where you are, and your the center of it. of course that's going to attract attention more than hiding in the corner.

so you spot a girl that you would like to see if your compatible with. make sure you make an effort to approach her within 5 seconds of her noticing you... otherwise her interest may fade, and the longer you think about it, the more nervous you'll get. now if you approach her from head on, that's confrontational, or she'll see your on the prowl and get her defenses up. approach her from behind you'l startle her, and you want her relaxed. so approach from side on, or about 45 degrees from head on.

make sure your smiling and having a good time. a smile is infectious, and happy people aren't nervous. now you need to initiate conversation obviously. think of a few things that she most likely won't have heard before.. things she wouldn't expect to get asked in a bar or whereever you are... asking her opinion on something is good... just make sure you've got a few things in your head that you could ask pretty much anywhere, and aren't situational specific. things that don't allude to your intentions are best... something like "did you see the fight outside" is interesting enough to catch her attention, without her thinking you want it

when you initiate the conversation. pay attention to your body language. you want to show her that your not interested in her. for instance if she's by the bar, walk up and order a drink, and ask her while looking at her over her shoulder... if your front on with her, and all things pointing towards her, you'll show her your interested... more than interested. sounds logical that you'd want to show her that, but it's not... because she's an attractive successful girl, she is approached all the time. you however are different to all those guys... you;ve got enough confidence that if she doesn't want you, someone else will. again, this will make you worthy to pursue.

basically from there, you still have to chat, but act disinterested until she shows some interest in you (she'll lean in, touch, stuff like that)

then validify your attraction to her (but use something in a non physical sense)... i.e. her kindness displayed in her work with disabled children or something. make sure it's deserved praise though.

after that, you have to build comfort with them. firstly at the place where you met her, secondly in a very neutral place, like if you go out for a bite to eat afterwards, or ask her for coffee the next day (make the date arrangements at the first meeting)

then make her comfortable in a more intimate setting.

hopefully then, all you gotta do is open up to her, and her to you, and it'll blossem into a relationship.





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