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[QUOTE=OutToLunch]mada_3083,

Your advice sounds too much like a game. I prefer to be honest with people. The idea of pretending to not be interested seems silly. Obviously, you don't to come on strong and make it blatantly obvious that you're interested in a woman, but at the same time, trying to act cool and disinterested seems immature. First of all, women are a lot smarter than that. They can see through most men pretty easily. A guy can act like he's not interested in a woman, but she can tell that he is. Second, confidence is important, but it has to be genuine. There are a lot of guys out there who try to act confident, but they're not. And too many guys end up overdoing it and just end up looking arrogant. You say that some women are scared off by confident guys. Maybe they're not scared at all. Maybe they just think these guys have too high an opinion of themselves.[/QUOTE]

it's not a "game" its simply the truth.. girls get hit on alot. of course their going to be defensive... if you come out and show your really keen on them before you know them well, and they know you well, it'll just appear like your interested in one thing... or that your that desperate that it doesn't matter who the person is, your happy to jump into something without knowing the person.

that sends out warning signals. i'm not proposing fake confidence or arrogance. simply telling people to cool their jets until they actually know the person well enough to actually like them for them. otherwise it's an attraction based on looks, or lonelyness.

and what i outlined isn't a "game plan" it was how most successful interactions go... what can i say... i'm a fly on the wall, and love watching people's interaction... the people involved didn't go, ok that's 8 minutes of disinterest now i move onto the next step, it flowed naturally, BUT successful meet ups tend to follow a pattern... and unsuccessful ones do too... usually a guy shows too much interest before it's warranted... if you act like you want to date a girl just because she looks good standing by the bar... well what does that project about you? and honestly, untill you've had a good chat with her, that's all you know about her. also nowhere did i say being cocky was what to do... your mixing up confidence and cockyness. confidence is being able to talk to a girl without even a hint of fear of rejection, because you know that if she's not compatible with you, it doesn't matter, there will be other interesting girls out there. cockyness is talking to a girl because you THINK she'll go for you.

Also you propose being yourself.. but how are you going to be yourself when your tripping over your own toungue and your standing in a puddle of your own drool... easier to suppress that urge of lust (and by lust i mean desire, not necissarily sexual). and let them get to know the YOU that all your friends think is wonderful, than have them thinking your just another sleezy guy trying to pick her up and woo her with false sweetness. if someone you didn't know walked up to you and started saying you were the most wonderful person, and you'd never met them, you'd wonder what they were on about... it's the same here. by acting interested you tend to over emphasise the good aspects of that person, making them wonder why your giving them compliments they haven't earnt. if you just treat them like any other person, then your showing them that you want to get to know them for who they really are, warts and all, instead of you chasing an idealised version of them that exists only in your head.

also think about it... if you approach a girl at a bar and she knocks you back. what has she knocked you back on. she doesn't know you, and it most likely wouldn't be because of looks... she knocked you back because she didn't see you as worth getting to know. she made that judgement PURELY on your approach to her. now i'm not saying to fake anything. end of the day your personality will make or break it. but you have to get her to chat long enough to learn about you. and it's no good putting it all out there. people don't want a laundry list handed to them, they also enjoy the thrill of learning each little piece, the work that went into it... much like an easter egg hunt, the satisfaction of finding the little gems of info is just as good as the "eggs" themself.

as for women being smarter than men, i disagree whole heartedly... maybe smarter than some guys... but there are switched on people from both genders. also if girls are as smart as you maintain, then they should know the difference between confidence and the "thinks too highly of yourself" type...

and the girls that don't like confident guys are threatened by it. their used to guys being meek around the girl. when a guy's confident, they don't think highly enough of themselves to even consider that they would hold your interest... and do you really want to deal with those issues?

also you say that girls are "smarter" than us... they will pick up if a guy is interested.

they are more sensitive to the body language yes... and that's why guys who are too keen get shot down.

to you, your body language is saying "your beautiful and look like you'd be interesting, i'd like to get to know you better" to a girl it screams "i'm desperate and dateless, please please please come home with me"

so if you tone it back to what you'd consider "casual passing interest" it will probably say something along the lines of "wow you caught my attention, now i want to see if your compatable" to her...





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