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Relationship Health Message Board


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Hi i am 20 years old and I have a problem with my boyfriend always putting himself down. It might sound like a tiny problem, but for him it is huge. He puts a lot of emphasis on his school work and if he doesnt get an A+ he freaks out and calls himself stupid and that his existence is not needed. EVen during the summer if he doesnt do anythign constructive he calls himself a worthless being. What makes this even more horrible is that he is majoring in philosophy, therefore he reads a lot of texts dealing with this (essence of existance,..etc.). He ends up thinking up these really weird things and it really scares me. I try and make him realise that him being in University and doing better than a B is enough proof that he is not dumb. i try to tell him that its not right to say things like that no matter how cheesy I may sound. Someone that might have had an influence on that is his mother. I do not want to sound like a racist or anything, but she was raised in a family where there was this type of atitude, that everything has to be clean and that there must not be mistakes. SHe repeadtedly yells at him for things like missing commas in sentences and dropping crumbs. She makes him feel like an idiot and he often tells me that indirectly. i know this affects how he feels about himself. His mother is very important to him so he takes what she says to heart. My problem is dealing with all of this, i am sort of stuck having to hear him say this **** about himself whenever he gets stressed. I went through this last year when we were in college and I said it was going to be worse for him in University if he didnt fix it. And I was right. It is now a million times worse. He even gets mad at me for trying to say hes not an idiot by saying that i am making up stuff. I am not angry for making me go through this. I want to know what I can do now, and how I can maybe talk to his mom about it. I do not want to make her angry but if i say that its her fault she will get angry. Its such a touchy subject, its not like I want him to not care about school and doing 'practical'things ...just not as much! I want to let him know that sometimes its ok to sit on the grass and look at the clouds all day. ts really bothering me on the inside. I try and keep a nice face and i even bake him banana muffinsand bring them to his class. I just do not think i can take it for much longer. Sometimes i want to explode but I know that wont do any good for him. ITs so hard to keep that all in. But its ok for me because its whats going on inside him that really worries me. I am afraid that I will say something one day that will break him into peices.





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