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Don't judge
Dec 5, 2005
Hello,

Well this is going to be my first post on here and I need your input.

I have been with a guy for almost 7 years off and on, for at least the last 2 years it has been off, however neither of us have moved on or stopped acting like we were BF/GF. To the point where we go on trips and have sleepovers on weekends!

Which has become increasingly harder to do as I want to be married and have children, this is something we both talked about when we met each other and we wanted a lot of the same things so it isn't like he didn't know this. That is not the problem however.

He comes from a family where he is the youngest, his brothers are 15 years older and he was spoiled and given everything he wanted. He expects our relationship to be perfect, like his parents and we can't disagree, he is very hard on himself and quite often is very, very negative when it comes to things he does. He can't do anything right etc , etc and for the first 4 years I bought into this and I was constantly reassuring and telling him how smart he was and a good person. When one day I realized everytime this happens I say and do the same thing but his thought process doesn't change, it's kind of like a pity me thing, and this way he gets all the attention, yet my needs are never being taken care of.

The straw that broke the camels back came last Thursday when his parents had to put their/his cat to sleep, he asked if I wanted to come and I declined (as we are not together) and expressed that I think this is something he needs to do with his family, cause I knew it was going to be very emotional for his parents and I would feel like I was intruding on their private time. (plus I couldn't get away from work)

Anyways, I guess this would be a good time to explain that the cat belonged to his ex girlfriend, the parents came to get the cat when the cat was sick at least 12 years ago and needed an opertion, she was going to put the cat down because she could not afford it and my bf's parents stepped in and adopted the cat.

So back to Thursday, I called (Frank, not real name) to see how he was doing before he left and to let him know that I was thinking about him and to call me at work when he needed me. 4:30 I get a call and he is very distraught and upset. We talk and I ask if Jane (his ex) was able to come over to see the cat? he said yes she showed up when you called, yet he did not mention this!!he then told me she came to the vet with the family, even though she has had nothing to do with them for 7 years???????

He is very insecure and jealous of anyone in my life and there are certain things that I am not allowed to do yet I felt he hid this from me. I said that I was not happy and that it was not right for me to be sharing how I felt considering what he was going through and that I had to go.

30 seconds later I phoned him to ask, if everyone was in shock and upset who was comforting Jane? when I got the answer I expected....he said that she came over and gave him a hug, but it was all on her end, right??????people who know our history feel that this was wrong, you reading this may think what's the big deal but this is just one thing over the past 7 years.

I'm now at a point where I need to be very storng and not fall back into the same patterns that we have for the past few years... It really hurts.. I've never had to do this before with someone that I care and love so much, I know there are a lot of blanks missing in regards to our history over the 7 ears that this is just the most recent. When I first met him I thought we would be together forever, like he was my soul mate , even after all these years the passion is still there which a lot of people can not say..

I'm hardly sleeeping my heart is racing, I feel like I'm having anxiety attacks and I just want to stop feeling this way, I know it will take time to get over him, I guess I still don't believe that it is over, how stupid am I?hehe yet I know that it has to be. I deserve someone that is going to want to be with me and love me unconditionally not try to change me at every turn, I should let you know there is nothing that I wouldn't have done for him. (within reason of course)he had nothing to worry about with me, I was honest, caring, loving, considerate of his needs and wants yet somehow I end up here? heart broken and getting clobbered.. BTW we are both 34 so it isn't like we haven't done this before.

Any kind of input to help me get over this faster would be greatly appreciated, be gentle with your words as I am sensitive right now... I've lost my best friend.





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