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Re: Need advice
Dec 9, 2005
Hhmmm...well, you've already said that you know you've hurt people, and you've already said you basically don't care, that it's been worth it, so I'm not sure what you're asking, here. Of course if you start seeing a man who is still romantically involved with another woman and you two start something up behind her back and she finds out, she's going to feel lied to, betrayed and hurt by both of you. The fact that this girl is the best friend of the ex-girlfriend of your best friend (wheew, have I got that right?) really complicates matters, unfortunately. Your friend D is probably upset because he may have been hoping to date you himself, but also, if the other girl N is seeing is a good friend of D's ex, chances are D got to know this girl pretty well, and of course would be concerned that she's being cheated on, plus, if she's a good friend of his ex, and he is still on friendly terms with the ex, it would upset him on that level, too. If I were in D's position, and I really cared for someone (my ex), and a really good friend of theirs had a boyfriend who was cheating with someone I knew and was friends with, I'd be unhappy about that too, that this person I considered a friend put me in the middle of this messy situation and is hurting someone else I care about (my ex and her friend.) I can't say seeing N is wrong, but the way you guys started was. If you hit it off so well with N, the honorable, upstanding, honest thing to do would have been for you two to have discussed your feelings, and once you both decided that you had the desire to be more than friends, then he should have broken it off with his girlfriend, and you should have waited for him to do so, and had a sit-down talk with D, that you know he has feelings for you, but you just don't feel the same, blah blah, you and N had a meeting of the minds, he's been unhappy with the ex's friend and has decided to end it, and once he does, you and N will consider starting a relationship, and seeing how D felt about it. If he got upset, well, they say there's no such thing as a wrong feeling. It seems you had a little trouble taking his feelings into consideration on how he would react to all of this and instead of giving him some time to come around, you just tore him a new one and wrote him off because he couldn't bask in the glow of this new romance of yours that started on the sly behind his ex's friend's back, and behind D's back as well, I mean, he must have done something to let you know he would like a little more than platonic friendship from you, I can understand why his feelings would be hurt if you just up and took up with his roommate, who's already involved with someone else still, instead.

I guess the thing you should ask yourself now is, how important are these friendships to you? What if things don't work out with N? Would losing D as a friend forever be worth it then, if it ends in a couple of months? If N hasn't ended his other relationship with D's ex's friend yet, I would hold off on going any further with the relationship until he does. It's only right and only fair, plus you'll be covering your own hiney as well. How intense could his feelings really be for you if he still splits his time with another girl? Good luck.

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