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Shake out of it
Dec 12, 2005
I have been with my boyfriend for six months and i am truely in love with him. Real love.
About 6 weeks ago, he told me he loved me. Few weeks after that, he said although he had strong feelings, he wasnt sure if it was love. He explained he got scared of how close we were becoming. Fair enough, I thought he would come round with time. But this left me so insecure. I felt hurt. We had a huge fight, and almost breakup, it took him some convincing. I knew I shouldnt have believed him so early on in the relationship. He didnt like talking about what had happened, and this left me confused and wondering, insecure and so on. Every two weeks or so, I would get so upset, I would end things, but it wouldnt last even two hours before I went back to him, asking him to take me back, which he always did. Up untill now. Just a little more than a week ago, I ended things again, despite the fact that we had the best two weeks we ever had. He tried so hard on my birthday, really put in the effort. But I got a bad feeling on thursday night and called him to chat but ended up breaking up. We didnt talk for days then I invited him out, we met up and got back together. He had been crying for al those days, which I could see by looking at his red puffy eyes, and he hadnt eaten so we went to a restaurant and then went back to his to make love. He was so happy. Then two days went by then he wanted to end things. He explained that these past six weeks have started to erode his feelings. At first he really wanted to end things. But I told him to take some time to think. I couldnt stop crying. Its been around 5/6 days since he told me he wanted to breakup, hes been thinking about things, and explains his feelings arent the same, but he doesnt want to let me go because he isnt entirely sure of his feelings and he doesnt want to throw us away. But he is so negative. I know ive hurt him, but hes also hurt me. He says maybe we have gone too far hurting one another and he doesnt know if things will go back to how they are because his feelings right now arent that strong and he doesnt know how much effort he can put into us. He says this shouldnt be happening at 6 sixths. I tell him its just a bad phase, that him calling me every night to say goodnight shows its not just because hes attached to me but cares and still has feelings, hes just hurt and needs time. i told him we can thnk all we want and talk al we want but the onyl way to know for sure is just to get back together and see how things work out. He agreed but aftera few hours I got so hurt by what he said, I called him and said I couldnt. But we agreed we would get back together to see how things go, we are meeting up on tuesday. Im dreading it.
I use to think it was him just feeling numb, feeling hurt and fed up of the situation, he just wanted to get out of the situation, make a quick decision to get rid of the horrible feelings. I asked hm if this was how he felt, he agreed. but now im beginning to think in a negative way. Im trying to be strong for the both of us. We had so much going for us, but I do admit these six weeks werent perfect. I knwo we can change it, I know if we both have feelings, we can do it. But he doesnt have those feelings. Or does he? This is soo confusing. Im so upset and hurt.
I dont want to let him go but at the same time I cant be with someone who isnt really really into me. I wouldnt be able to cope. It would be fine if he still had the same feelings for me and was able to put in effort. I wouldnt complicate things like I did before.
Is it just time he needs? I dont know.
I want to take a few days apart properly, because maybe this would help, but I cant bear that because maybe at the end of it he will say he doesnt want to continue.
Help me guys, I have barely eaten or slept for the past week, Im always breaking down into tears every day, I cant stand this hurt anymore.
He may not sound worth it, but he is to me, I love him and miss the great times we had together.
Re: Shake out of it
Dec 16, 2005
Last night, the past two weeks have caught up with me and I burst into tears for hours. I have not eaten properly, dehydrated, not enough sleep, awful feelings all the time.

Met up with boyfriend for the chat last night. We met up, had electric sex, the best we've ever had, then we talked about what situation we were in- he still couldnt say anything good- said his feelings werent strong and all- but he doesnt act that way :(

Today we met up spent the day together. Did most things apart from sex. He left at the end to watch something on tv, leaving me in the bedroom on my own. I was going to leave the house, i was upset, but he stopped me.

I feel as though everything is my fault. Im so bad. I must be so ***** for things to turn out like this. I love him so much, its over powering. I dont know what to do, Im always crying, always hungry, always thirsty, cant sleep, i dont talk to anyone- i cant do things straight.

Im so messed up.

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