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[QUOTE=sad79]Hi

We have talked about the "affair" (can i call it that even though we arent married??) I have tried to move on but i just cant get it out of my head. How could he do thid to me after 10 years together? Now im wondering if this is the first time it has happened even though he swears it it.

He is always going out with his friends from work, who i have never met, staying out all night drinking, while i am left here by myself with not one friend in this country. I feel like i am going mad!!

I just need some advice. As much as i want to get married i dont think i can now. Not after what he has done. Will i ever be able to trust him?

Please, any advice would be great.

:confused:[/QUOTE]


I am so sorry for you! A broken heart is pain like no other.

1st...yes AFFAIR is what you call it. 2nd...something like this is not something that you can "get out of your head" quickly. 3rd....think about what your partner has done to win you back and promise it will not happen again.

I read that 70% of men have cheated on their girlfirend/wife at least once during their relationship. (Not sure how that can be calculated) Only 30% of that 70% admit to doing it agian. Even once is horrible, but men are weak when sex is there.

My soon-to-be ex-husband was with an old college girlfriend and I was so surprised that I believed him when he said he called her and he would not ever talk to her again. (Oh, she even called me and told me the same...she's married and a mother of two small children). Five months later I found out they were still in a relationship.

God gave Jonah a 2nd chance. (sorry if this brief religion stuff is not great for you). Do you feel he should have a second chance? Does he want a second chance? Did you tell him he can have a second chance...but only that? If you can give him a second chance....I suggest you think about two things. 1) You gave him the 2nd chance and if you love him and beleive him-let him have a 2nd chance. This means...you need to trust him again. If you are trying to forgive him, you can't tell him you trust him and spend the next years of your life going thru his pants or wallet. 2) Perhaps talk to someone to help you emotionally just in case the next months are two much for you. Oh wait...3) I really do think when men cheat they really don't do it for the reasons women do. Ego,lack of control, thinking their still 20, yeah, that 19 year-old stripper really likes you-much like the 70 year old 300 lb man that just paid her for a lap dance...

I'm no expert..in fact..I was a fool...but after he acted like a 18 year old trying for something...he owes you. he needs to know it is not okay. Maybe even tell him YOU would like to put the wedding on hold.

You sound like a very nice, good hearted person. Us United States people are pretty cool. Don't believe the TV shows about those nasty, heartless women. Well...some are, but I live in a tough city and I have found some of the most wonderful female friends..(still, move on if their nasty-ha,ha)

Use these Boards. Update us. Give it time, but don't wait until you can't take care of yourself. Heck, if he got busted-you must be samrter than him!

Good luck.





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