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Relationship Health Message Board


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Thanks so much everyone-
Opie, you have been the biggest help through this...I really appreciate it. Everything you say, I swear, I try to remember, especially when I want to call and just curse and yell and cry at him. I always have these witty insults to say to him to make him 'think' about everything but I know it wouldnt do any good right now.
Today he called to come get his things and I actually couldn't because I had plans :) Even though he said he'd come get them Tues, it was nice to NOT have to sit around and wait for him because, wait, didn't I do that for a whole year last year? ;) So now he will have to find another time, but I'm telling him to hurry up because I just need to get his things out of my life and move on. I started tearing up when on the phone with him and Im REALLY trying to avoid that...getting emotional, sounding sad, etc. becase I know he hates confrontation right now (trying to take the easy way out of this) but I stayed pretty level-headed and didnt say anything too pathetic or harsh, etc. He says he will try to come tomorrow or Thurs. I want my closure now!!! He said "I dont really need any of that stuff right away". Like Im trying to be nice and considerate and give back his stuff immediately for his benefit?! NO! Im doing it for me!!
Steakie, it does sound like you know exactly how I feel and vice versa. And you sound much more put together than I have been! Haha. I agree with you whole-heartedly on appearing happy and not trying to get him back. I feel like I've been trying to get him back a lot because I feel like once he's gone he'll have no choice but forget about me (like you said). But you're right, of he does, then thats his problem. I was amazing to him and im a pretty damn good catch :) Haha not to sound arrogant, but I am. And he HAS been running away...he doesn't seem to have any emotions over this or any regrets. So why should I keep hanging on? Whats the use of chasing after someone who doesnt want me?...(I keep trying to remind myself of that- it helps to write it out often, haha ).
I hope I can find someone better when Im ready, and I keep trying to concentrate on the negative things in my relationship to remind myself that maybe this break-up is for the best, but there weren't many negative things! He, in my eyes, was the guy that treated me better than anyone. Until the last month at least, when apparantly he snapped and lost his mind. Get what he said regarding how cold he has become lately- "Ive been working on it, I am just intolerant of people taking up my time". Im like, who the he*l ARE you?? I cant believe people can change like this so fast, from so sweet and considerate and altruistic to just, an a**hol*.
And, Id rather remember the good times than become bitter. Im also really scared to date in NYC, Ive never had to do it before and it seems just...frightening! So many people, so many guys out for one thing, and you might never see them more than once!
Ive been trying to have a blast, and Ive been doing a pretty good job. I have amazing friends and they have been great, and Ive kept mildly busy and have done more socially now than I ever did with him. Maybe I needed to learn to REALLY be on my own for awhile, without a guy. We'll see. Steakie, keep talking, I feel like we are definitely going through the same thing...and feel free to write your story, mine leading UP to the break-up would take a book but the jist is here in this post. Anyway, I could go on and on...Opie is right, i am in the angry phase!!
citygirl, you sound like you are doing much much better. good for you! i would love to take credit for any of the things i told you, but i was only repeating what some really great friends told me when i was going through it. i know what you mean about things being good and then someone just becomes so cold. the guy i was with actually apologized for not being able to touch me (hug me, console me in any way) while we were breaking up! he thought that if he did he would change his mind. i'm actually laughing as i write that now, while at the time i thought it was the romantic tragedy of the universe! i also know what you mean about being an incredible girlfriend. it seems awfully unappreciated, doesn't it? i just figure it will give him something to think about when he's regretting everything, haha! and i know some guys in the future will be absolutely thrilled at our excellent girlfriend skills.

i'm glad you have such good friends and that you're socializing more. people say that you have to grieve, which i totally agree with, but that doesn't have to mean isolating yourself and being miserable. keep getting out and don't be afraid of nyc and the horror stories you hear about dating. i live in nyc and i'm just fine.





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