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I was re-reading my post and cant believe how far Ive come. It feels great. This has really turned into my online journal! Except it talks back to me, thanks to you all :)
I just wanted to add a post listing all of the inequalities we had and selfish things he did so that I can look back at that too at some point. I'll keep it brief to spare you all, I just want to get in the important things so everyone can see how much I sacrificed for him and what he took from me and ran with.

- to start, he was a virgin and waiting for marriage due to his religion. I dont think i mentioned that before, its pretty personal to me. I gave up sex for him. Granted, we practically did it regardless and I was extremely satisifed every time with him ;), but it was tough, especially when he never complained aout missing it! It also really hurts now cause I always thought Id be his first since he told me hed marry me.

- i always turned off the tv and music, whatever, when he called. I gave him his full attention. he rarely did for me, unless our convos turned deep. he was also usually on the computer while talking to me and typically seemed distracted. we were long-distance so that was our only way of talking...that always used to piss me off.

- i remember he went to visit my grandparents with me, which was a huge deal to me, I asked him to come and he did and it made me so happy (my grandma isn't doing too well mentally lately so i wanted to see her). Hadnt been to their house in years. Well, he was over an hour late showing up, which cut down my time spent with them A LOT (we hit traffic, etc.) I even made him breakfast. So he didn't even prioritize showing up on time. I didnt yell at him since he was so sweet to come with me, but i remember being irked.

- Sometimes we wouldn't talk all day and I would anxiously await his call, then when he would call, he would call me AS he was walking out the door. This happened a lot, esp when he was visiting home or on vacation when he wasn't at school (all his friends graduated so he had all the time in the world to talk to me at school as a 4th year in college).

- I got sick and he didnt come up and see me, after I had brought him soup and spent time at his side at least 3 times when he was sick. He said he had to study, he had a test on Monday. I said, make the subway trip up and just sit with me, bring your materials. He wouldn't. For the whole two days I was ill. What a jerk.

- his friends were visiting, so i gave him space and went out with mine for the night. We were coincidentally going out in the same area, so we planned to meet up later on so we could spend the night together at my place. He calls when he said he would, and where is he? Like 100 blocks downtown. They wanted to go somewhere else so he took off with them, didn't even call me to let me know til after he was downtown. I was so upset.

- not to mention when nights he was 'tired', and needed to sleep for classes the next day, he wouldnt hook up with me at all- He'd push me away, even when I was needing it. That happened two or three times and I was devastated. Seriously, a week would go by even. He said he had to 'get his sleep'. He even left a party early that I took him to (to spend time with MY new friends that he didnt know well since we were long distance the year before) to get sleep. He knew how impt it was to me that he bond with my friends.

- finally, when it got bad (dental school time): he could NEVER see me during Oct. When I did see him, he spent his 'study breaks' internet surfing, not spending time with me. His excuse was always studying, and he didnt seem to feel bad over it (if he did he never expressed it). A whole week would go by and he would see me once if that, sometimes not even. I saw him more when we were 5 hours apart. I offered to help him study and he said no. The clincher was when I started crying and he ignored me for a whole hour. Literally, ignored me, on his computer, didn't move. Then he walked me to the door, I started crying, he walked bACK to his room and got on his computer. What an a**hole. How cruel can you be?

- the final straw was when he ignored me in front of his friends on Halloween. He got ready downstairs with them and left me in his room alone to shower and get ready myself. Then he took pictures with all of them and ignored me- his friend had to ask for a picture of us two. It was like he was a different person. He didnt even really talk to me and walked without me. I was so hurt then, I didnt know WHAT was going on with him.

Sorry for the length. It is very obvious how much I loved him, the things I compromised and dealt with. The funny thing is, Im not a pushover! I let him know my feelings... but he was so wonderful otherwise that I was so happy and in love. Im starting to see things more clearly now. This is just to negate all my earlier posts when I said what an amazing boyfriend he was. Obviously, he wasn't. He was selfish. HE always came before ME. Im just starting to really realize this and need to write it out :) Im starting to see that I am better off without him.





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