It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Today I found out that a girl who works for the same company I do is mad because her live-in boyfriend talked to me at the company Christmas party. He was old and ugly and I definitely did NOT flirt with him :eek: !! In fact, I had no clue (until today) that she went crazy and got into an arguement with him because of it. So now she has animosity towards me and I am just wondering how to deal with this sort of thing? This is why I hate being around couples (mainly the people that don't know me well) because I always feel like I am getting evil eyes/looks from the girls---even if I have not said anything (or even looked/payed attention to) their guy. I have never been the flirty type, I dress modestly, and I do not even want/feel flattered by the attention of married/attached men. What is really frustrating is that I know if I were in a relationship I would not even be having to deal with this!

Do any of you ever encounter this same type of problem???
GG, that's their problem..all you need to do is what they're paying you for. if she feels threatened by you then it can't be your fault.

and no, poor degen95 never had a situation where a coworker's old husband was hitting on him.. :D :D
Women can be really jealous. I know because I am a very jealous girl. This lady is either insecure or just doesn't trust her man. She thinks he is talking to another girl (you) because he wants to leave her...crazy huh? Now I am not saying that every man out there is unfaithful, but I run an adult enertainment company and 90% of all of our clients are married men traveling from another state on a business trip and their unsuspecting wives have no idea at all. In fact the men say they are happily married and just looking to have a little fun. All the stories of infidelity and her low self esteem compounded on that make this a sticky situation. All you need to do is approach her or send her an e-mail assuring her that you were just being friendly...then tell her (no offense to her) that her man is not even your type and that to you he is too old for you and unattractive to you..ofcourse say this in a nice way.
Glamourgal!!!! :wave:

Sweetie, you must be worthy of being jealous over! :D Don't sweat it girl, it's her problem, not yours. Yeah, it is harder to work in an environment with some biatch who hates your guts, but you know what, there's nothing you can do. Nobody can control other people. She's insecure. She feels worthless. She is obviously threatened by you and maybe, it's justified. :D If she tries anything with you, just make sure you keep your composure and don't let her see you upset or sweating. That would "piss" her off even more. LOL sorry, it's the devil in me. :D

Girl, let her sweat, but don't you do it. Rise above her insecure self and keep working the best you can. Besides, thinking about it may make you make mistakes at work and that won't look good.

:D

.
GG ~ I must agree with the others. You must really have it going on girl :D Be happy with that and do not allw another's insecurity to get the better of you. The best way to handle this is with dignity and sweetness.....continue to smile and interact with others in your office in your usual way with your sweet and endearing disposition. Don't change a thing......smile and see the world as your oyster and don't allow this woman's negativity to penetrate all the positive in you. Ignore her animosity and if anything, cancel it out with your warm & friendly presence in the office. Nobody wants to hang around negative vibes for too long......show them that there is more to you than that!!!

(((HUGS))) ~ Goody :angel:
From the other side of the fence:

I am not the type of girl who would throw a fit if my guy was talking to another girl. But I AM the type who is a chronic worrier, and I will silently wonder if the other girl is intentionally being malicious out of bitterness. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm just offering you my point of view (crazy as it may be! :D ). The fact is, I have known so many women who are bitter, angry, and frustrated with life and intentionally have set out to bring down others. In fact, I had a very close friend who turned into this kind of person! It was quite sad- she had her fiance leave her for an 18 year old 2 months before their wedding. He kicked her out of their condo and she was left with nothing but a broken heart. I was there for her through everything, but when I met Nick, things changed. I could tell she hated me for being happy. As long as I was lonely with her, I was her friend. Once I wasn't lonely anymore, she actually made several attempts to sabatoge my relationship. Quite obvious ones! She was an awful, awful person and I honestly didn't know a human could do such awful things to their friend. And it wasn't only her! I have had countless angry bitter women try to destroy various things in my life! I guess it's those experiences that now make me wonder what people are "up to". I trust Nick with all my heart, and I would never be angry with him for spending time with a female co-worker. I know his intentions. But I don't know hers. And I don't trust her. I know that even someone who loves me as much as Nick does is still only human and can still fall victim to temptation. Honestly, if a woman took her clothes off in front of him, I would not expect him to look away! I'm just such a worrier that I immediately let my mind jump to a worst case scenario like that one whenever I'm introduced to a fairly decent looking female co-worker of his.
There are very few at his office, but some do exist. And that little part of my brain just doesn't trust them a bit. I finally have something I've waited my whole life for. And the thought of someone even TRYING to take that away from me is more horrific than I can describe. I think once a woman finds "her man"- the ONE- she really gets protective and defensive as she tries to build a bubble around her life. It's rather sad, but I do think married women view single women as the enemy in so many cases. Not all! But a lot. I'm not saying it's right, either. I know I have to work on my paranoia and learn to trust strangers. We all need to work on getting along. GG, your co-worker's outburst was un-called for. A woman who would openly chastise her man and then be rude to her co-worker over that has deeper problems than the ones I described above. I never let my paranoia show outwardly. I know I have to deal with it, and I'm never rude to people. But I can describe the feelings many women experience. Their actions... well, I can't really speak for that.
I agree--you did NOTHING to cause this woman's animosity, Glamour! It's just that a lot of women feel insecure and don't trust their partner around another attractive female, whether that female has any interest in him or not. The co-worker's husband might have made some flattering comment about you to her, and that's what probably set her off. The best you can do is to just shrug it off. I would definitely not say anything to her about this, because WHY should you be defending yourself???? You didn't do anything! You were just sitting there and eating dinner. I would definitely NOT send her any emails explaining how not attracted to her husband you are :D I bet you she would be even more mad because now you would be also insulting her husband, and her too, by extention.

I understand your frustration, though. I have been in similar situations before and it is quite annoying. My good male friend whom I've known for years is not even speaking to me now only because his girlfriend HATES me. She hates me for absolutely NO reason whatsoever--only because she is extremely jealous that my friend will run off with me. She has made severeal extremely hurtful and rude comments about me to him and other people (I have no idea why he even informed me about it :rolleyes: ), including that I'm a "blonde bimbo" and that I sleep around with men (which I don't!!!! and this woman doesn't even know me--that one made my blood boil!). Now, had she not been so stupid and ridiculously short-sighted, she would have figured out that if I were ever interested in dating her boyfriend, I would have done it by now! To be honest, I am mad at him now too, because he's such a wimp and stopped being in touch with me just because she is so insecure about it. So I lost a good friend because of this woman. I think you are also correct in speculating that if we had our own boyfriends or husbands, none of this would be happening because these women would not feel so threatened.
Exactly. It was quite a while ago, but i think it was mentioned on these boards by someone who had a married friend who cut all single women out of her social circle because "they can't be trusted and men will be men." :rolleyes:

GG, I'd say just be as professional and as coureous as you can be to this woman, and if she continues to give you dirty looks or be rude to you, just ask her flat out, "I'm sorry, is there a problem between us?" That will put the ball in her court. Hopefully she will see how stupid and foolish she's being. Arrrgghhh, this is the kind of thing that really makes me see red. Like I've said before, through my work I get access to all sorts of little surveys and studies and information, and it said that a large percentage of men have had problesm with their wives because a female co-worker was "too pretty" and many men have made the decision not to hire a woman because she was too pretty and it would cause problems at home. I've never been attractive enough to have all kinds of men drooling over me, but I have been attractive enough to offend a few wives, and nothing pi$$es me off more. Here I am struggling, trying to get by the best way I know how, and some insecure bi*** comes along and tries to make my life harder because SHE feels threatened??!! When I was singing in my old band, the bass player's wife felt she should have been the lead singer, never mind the fact that she couldn't really sing or play an instrument at all :rolleyes: . She decided she didn't like me and did things like call me up and tell me rehearsal was going to end early, so I would start packing up and the leader was like "hey, where are you going?" I had just put on my stage make up and she said I needed more lipstick, even though I had just applied a very dark, wine colored lipstick but she insisted. She offered me a messy tube in a plastic baggie. Stupid, naive and trusting as I was back then, I figured she was operating in myand that band's best interest, so I used just a little of it. The next week I had strep throat. I always thought that envy or jealousy was a deadly sin and a bad trait, and if I found myself feeling them, then it was something I had to work on within myself, not something I had to make someone else pay for. It really ticks me off when someone who's lucky enough to have a husband or a significant other can't even reach that level of evolvement and emotional maturity, yet I'm told that I can't have an SO until I mature and grow and reach a deeper level of personal growth. Balony. In my opinion, she's just making a fool of herself. she should be lucky she has a man that she loves, and who apparantly no one else would want anyway! :D Don't let it get to you, and don't play her game. You did nothing wrong, don't let her make you feel like you did.
[QUOTE=SophiaM]She hates me for absolutely NO reason whatsoever--only because she is extremely jealous that my friend will run off with me. She has made severeal extremely hurtful and rude comments about me to him and other people (I have no idea why he even informed me about it :rolleyes: ), including that I'm a "blonde bimbo" and that I sleep around with men (which I don't!!!! and this woman doesn't even know me--that one made my blood boil!).[/QUOTE]
uh oohhh...what time is it?? what time is it?.....its STACY TIME!!! :D :D break out the lacrosse stick!! :D
[QUOTE=SophiaM]To be honest, I am mad at him now too, because he's such a wimp and stopped being in touch with me just because she is so insecure about it. So I lost a good friend because of this woman. I think you are also correct in speculating that if we had our own boyfriends or husbands, none of this would be happening because these women would not feel so threatened.[/QUOTE]
why?? what if she made him choose between you and her?? can you blame her for feeling threatened by a more attractive single person being friends with her bf?? i can't blame her at all. also, from his perspective, if he knew it was causing problems with his relationship, i can't really blame him either. some people are the jealous type.. :rolleyes:
[QUOTE=degen95]uh oohhh...what time is it?? what time is it?.....its STACY TIME!!! :D :D [/QUOTE]
Degen, are you an XFactor fan :D ????
[QUOTE=Nina000]Degen, are you an XFactor fan :D ????[/QUOTE]
xfactor??? :confused: don't even know what that is. :confused:
It's like pop idol, and one of them keeps on saying ...what time is it? It's Chico time :D
Never mind, just thought someone else on the boards lives in England....
[QUOTE=Nina000]Never mind, just thought someone else on the boards lives in England....[/QUOTE]
not really but i always wanted to go there :wave:
You are most welcome...and I will be your guide :wave: and btw, bring Sophia with you....
Funny, Degen. Glamour, It"s a common problem for singles. I seemed to lose a few friends as I got into my thirties. Now, They want me to be around again. Big deal.
You can"t help it, if your hot.
May be it worth for you to talk to this person in private, explain her that you don't mean anything. I was trying "ignore" practic, then I found out that it make me upset and hurt for a long time, also if other people see that somebody treated you badly, they not gonna trust work you are doing even though it should not have anything to do with that or treat you badly as well. I feel bad for you it is lousy cituation to be.
[QUOTE=Nina000]You are most welcome...and I will be your guide :wave: and btw, bring Sophia with you....[/QUOTE]

I'm definitely coming! :D I've never been to England, either. How about a New Year's party in London? ;)
[QUOTE=Nina000]You are most welcome...and I will be your guide :wave: and btw, bring Sophia with you....[/QUOTE]
thanks ;) i'll bring the three hotties sophia, GG and stacy..it WILL be a lot of fun.. :bouncing:
Thanks everyone for all of your support and advice :angel: . I have been acting as I always do at work, and everyone (except for this girl) has been treating me the same as always. The only thing I am worried about is that this girl works at another office and only comes to our office a couple of times a week, so I just hope that everyone at her office (who only see me from time to time, but I do talk with them over the phone) doesn't think that I am the kind of person who is trying to flirt/steal attached men :eek: . I really wish I had a boyfriend. I hate feeling so paranoid around couples---it makes me want to hibernate in my house and never come out--except to go shopping from time to time. I know that sounds extreme, but I am really tired of dealing with this. I do not want anyone else's guy!! Even my ex, who is now married. Yes, I wish we would have stayed together, but now that he is married I would never even try to flirt or steal him back. In fact, that is why I didn't get in touch with him after I ran into his sister, because she told me that he was in a relationship with someone (this was way before he got married). Anyway, sorry to go on and on about this, but I am really tired of being single and having to deal with all of the problems that come with it. It just doesn't seem fair.
Glamourgal!!!

Girl, I understand what you're going thru. Even now that I'm engaged, I'm still technically single. There are some women who are threatened by another "single" or unattached woman especially if she's pretty. I was once there when I was in my early 20s. But I got over it quickly. I figured, if the man I'm with takes off with another woman when we're together, then that's his lost and I don't deserve to have a low-life, low class man. I can't control him and if my fiance does the same thing to me, I'll be upset for a while, but I'll get over it. But not all women possess that thought and you GG, that co-worker of yours sees something in you that you may not know you have.... maybe something "she's" lacking.... like dignity, strength, confidence, class, brains - whatever it may be, she obviously is threatened by you and there's nothing you can do. Unless she comes up to you and tries to talk to you in a friendly manner. But just thank God that you're are not her, because jealousy is such a waste of time & energy, IMHO. Life's too short.

Have a wonderful Holiday Glamourgal! And may 2006 be another great year!

:D

.
[QUOTE=glamourgal] Anyway, sorry to go on and on about this, but I am really tired of being single and having to deal with all of the problems that come with it. It just doesn't seem fair.[/QUOTE]

I hear you, Glamour. If it makes any difference, I feel the same way. It feels like I've been single for eternity and each day I'm less and less patient and more and more frustrated. I even stopped speaking to my friend who is happilly married and just had a second baby because I want the same, and speaking to her just reminds me about what I don't have and makes me horribly depressed. I just have no strenght to speak to her. And lately just hearing anyone mention something sweet their boyfriend did for them just feels like a stab in my heart because I don't have that. After our last exam was over, two of my friends were so excited to come home to their boyfriend and husband who were waiting for them with dinner and drinks to celebrate. I went home exhausted to my stupid empty apartment and just wanted to cry. It all feels so pointless sometimes. When are things going to finally move forward for us???
[QUOTE=degen95]thanks ;) i'll bring the three hotties sophia, GG and stacy..it WILL be a lot of fun.. :bouncing:[/QUOTE]
I am looking forward to the London party Sophia.....It WILL be a lot of fun!!!! :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:
Sorry Glamourgal...no more diverting from your topic...just can't help replying!!!!
[QUOTE=Nina000]I am looking forward to the London party Sophia.....It WILL be a lot of fun!!!! :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing:[/QUOTE]

Yes, and if you can, please invite Andrew Lincoln too! :D Merry Christmas to everyone!
:D ;D you are SO funny Sophia...Have a great Christmas too...
[QUOTE=SophiaM]I hear you, Glamour. If it makes any difference, I feel the same way. It feels like I've been single for eternity and each day I'm less and less patient and more and more frustrated. I even stopped speaking to my friend who is happilly married and just had a second baby because I want the same, and speaking to her just reminds me about what I don't have and makes me horribly depressed. I just have no strenght to speak to her. And lately just hearing anyone mention something sweet their boyfriend did for them just feels like a stab in my heart because I don't have that. After our last exam was over, two of my friends were so excited to come home to their boyfriend and husband who were waiting for them with dinner and drinks to celebrate. I went home exhausted to my stupid empty apartment and just wanted to cry. It all feels so pointless sometimes. When are things going to finally move forward for us???[/QUOTE]


Well, if it helps at all Sophia, as someone who actually has been single for an entire lifetime, I know how you feel! Keep your chin up, I know it won't always be that way for you. And as far as the jealously thing, women don't always have to be catty. Maybe I'm naive or just easily duped, but I think I may have mentioned that I have never been the kind of girl to get jealous just because a really beautiful woman walks into the room. I think I told you about when I knew the MF way back when, when he was roommates with the ex, he was dating this girl who would have put Elle McPherson and Claudia Schiffer to shame. She was a cross between Michelle Pfiffer and Christy Brinkley, only prettier, but she was also the coolest woman I had ever met. I thought she was great, and even when my ex commented about how pretty she was and how it wasn't fair that the MF always got all these really great looking girls (like, what was I, dog meat??) I still didn't hold anything against her. If I feel that way, I'm sure there are other women out there who aren't threatened by a beautiful, sweet, together lady like yourself. Same goes for you, GG. I wish more women would realize that we get nowhere if we don't stick together at least a little. But we can't let other people's insecurities be our problems. We must be proud to be who we are, and as long as we are kind and respectful and fair to our fellow man, there's no reason why we should take someone else's jealousy trip personally.
When a woman feels insecure, this doesn't always necessarily mean that she is less attractive/less beautiful than other women. And some less-than-ordinary women feel that they can threaten beautiful women and their relationships. This is all mainly to do with the way that a man makes a woman feels.
With my ex, I hardly felt secure. It was nothing to do with other women's looks, but with how he made me interpret it.
I am considered pretty and many men love the way I look. He knew that. Even women told him that he was lucky to be with me. And yet, I couldn't tolerate the way he was very much of a womaniser!!! I had a terrible terrible experience when I trusted him. He put me down for girls who would not even attract a man!!! He used to compare me and call me jealous because he knew how proud I was. I felt at times that he only wanted to destroy my self-esteem. And he did. Sometimes, I couldn't help being defensive when he used to smile at a woman in a pub or joke with her, regardless of what she looked like! In the long-term, when something beyond our control broke us up, I was so happy. My current BF treats me like a woman with pride, and I never feel with him these insecurities.
What I am trying to say here, is in many cases, insecurity is not necessarily a reflection of an inferior woman, but only a "wrong" reaction to a hurtful experience.
I remember back to the time I was dating the guy who was 10 years younger than me. I never felt insecure when I was with him, even when we were out and surrounded by much younger girls. Nina's right; it's all in how the guy makes you feel.

There is a second part to this story though. There was a shift in our relationship, right before the breakup. Something had changed. I could feel it. It was then that I became very insecure. I guess it's that "gut" feeling, I knew something was going on, I became very insecure and jealous. My gut was right.
slightly off -topic here, but i wanted to share a thought i was just having. it's partially prompted from the weary responses of those tired of being single and all the things that come with it, like jealous girlfriends. so here goes:

one of my best friends, who i have probably mentioned here before, has been married for almost two years now. in her cubicle at work are photos of her husband. a female co-worker, married with a toddler, stopped by her cubicle one day and upon seeing the photos, commented on how lucky my friend is. in this unhappy co-worker's eyes, my friend's situation was perfect, and much more preferable to her own. her tone made that obvious.

what that woman didn't know was that my friend had been in tears for weeks, telling me that she was terribly unhappy and thinking about killing herself. she is unhappy primarily in her marriage. yet nobody knows she feels this way. to the rest of the world, things are wonderful.

what i'm trying to say is this: find joy in whatever it is that you are. the grass is not always greener on the couples' side of the fence. people are in emotional pain everywhere. do all the things you ever wanted to do in your life while you don't have the responsibilities of a family. it doesn't mean you never will have a family, it just means that you will be ready and super-appreciative when you do. for this holiday, forget about your age, and your hangups, and your past, and what other people think or say or do, or what you don't have. try to remember that you are a healthy, living, special and important creature.

i hope you all have a wonderful weekend, however you choose to celebrate it.
Well said Opie, as usual.
On your place I will still talk to the person alone. Explain that you didn't mean anything, apologize even you aren't guilty, at the end nobody care who started first.
Even if you under pressure of one person treated you bad it will take a lot from you, health, nerves and so on. Working for many years I know that is very likely somebody else may join her for whatever reason.
[QUOTE=galinaqt]On your place I will still talk to the person alone. Explain that you didn't mean anything, apologize even you aren't guilty, at the end nobody care who started first.
Even if you under pressure of one person treated you bad it will take a lot from you, health, nerves and so on. Working for many years I know that is very likely somebody else may join her for whatever reason.[/QUOTE]

But what should GG apologize for? She didn't even talk to the man, if I'm correct. Most likely the coworker's husband found her attractive and make some comments to his wife, and now his wife is giving GG dirty looks for no reason. If anyone should apologize, it's the husband with a wandering eye. Apologizing in this case would almost be like admitting "guilt" or rather, GG's involvment in this. All she did was sit at the dinner table, talk to her coworkers, and eat. I would NEVER apologize for that.
At the end nobody cares who was right and who was wrong, worse thing is to have reputation of a "problem" person. If not apologize at least say that you don't mean anything. I don't think that apologize in that case necessary means admitting guilt. Main thing is to patch things up before it goes beyound control. Meanwhile person is under pressure to have an enemy in the team and it is taking a lot from her, adventually somebody else will join the enemy not because she is right but because person she dislikes is black or foreign or anything.
I was working under person who intentionally give me wrong info to make a scandal, than after one who openly demanded sex and guess who was guilty. Don't I regret for many years that I didn't hide my pride and try to talk once, twice may be I won't be as hurt as I hurt today.
[QUOTE=galinaqt]At the end nobody cares who was right and who was wrong, worse thing is to have reputation of a "problem" person. If not apologize at least say that you don't mean anything. I don't think that apologize in that case necessary means admitting guilt. Main thing is to patch things up before it goes beyound control. Meanwhile person is under pressure to have an enemy in the team and it is taking a lot from her, adventually somebody else will join the enemy not because she is right but because person she dislikes is black or foreign or anything.
I was working under person who intentionally give me wrong info to make a scandal, than after one who openly demanded sex and guess who was guilty. Don't I regret for many years that I didn't hide my pride and try to talk once, twice may be I won't be as hurt as I hurt today.[/QUOTE]

Well, I think instead of apologizing, maybe it would be better to ask her if everything is allright because I noticed she was acting different towards me. Then I would wait what her "problem" with me is, and react accordingly. Yes, it's good to try to preserve peace and patch things up, like you said, but not at the expense of people walking all over us.

As an example, there was this woman in the company where I used to work at. I was always nice to her, said 'hi' to her, etc, but she never responded back and always either gave me these contemptuous looks or treated me like air and completely ignored me. I could not think of a reason why she would be so horrible to me. In the end, I said to myself, fine, it's HER problem if she wants to act like a total b***h towards me, and from then on I started ignoring her completely too. When she passed by, instead of smiling and saying "hello" like before, I would not even look at her, as if she didn't exist. I gave her the taste of her own medicine. Guess what: shortly after that, SHE started saying hello to me! For the rest of the time I worked at that company, she remained the sweetest person to me, including little chats around the cafeteria area and in the bathroom. See, some people just want to intimidate you and act like they're superior to you for their ego reasons. If you show them you don't give a damn about their "superiority," you force them to come back to earth. Some people have control issues and want to boss you around and make you grovel, just to see you at their feet. I would not give them the satisfaction.
You sound right to me. To be honest dealing with people is not my strong point, I wish I can learn it somewhere. I tried shrinks two times and it was only make matters worse, people in this forum are much more caring and smart than so called specialists I tried.
[QUOTE=galinaqt]You sound right to me. To be honest dealing with people is not my strong point, I wish I can learn it somewhere. I tried shrinks two times and it was only make matters worse, people in this forum are much more caring and smart than so called specialists I tried.[/QUOTE]

Well, it's all a trial-and-error, I think. But I agree, people on this forum are very caring and kind-hearted. I don't know what I would do without you all, honestly! I am so grateful for these boards :)





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:37 AM.





© 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!