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I am at a total loss. My boyfriend of over three years broke up with me a week and a half ago. It was a total shock. I don't know what to do with myself, he was literally my life. I feel horrible because I think it was my fault we broke up because I became very naggy for some reason and forget to tell him the things that I loved about him sometimes, although I think I was very affectionate and emotional. Anyways, when we broke up i was living at his parents house with him which was a big mistake. We had been living at my house and were fine but decided to move over there because my brother and his wife were moving into my house and were pregnant. Anyways I did not really like it over his house and I think that made me unhappy and I took it out on him. i didn't mean too though. I also think I was unhappy because he works a lot, 50 something hours a week , and i felt kinda lonely over there without my mom (we are very close). but I also think that me being there made him feel like he had to come home after work and not hang out with friends. Now i can admit that I got mad sometimes when he wanted to ahgn out with his friends, and now that I think about it was stupid of me.

Anyways to fix this problem, i decided to move home.I don't know if that had anything to do with it. maybe he felt betrayed or like I didn't want to live with him anymore. But it was not that, it's just I did not want to live there anymore. Anyways, I came home (still at his house) last week and he asks if he can talk to me. SURE! ...... " I think we should take a break.."

DEVASTATION

The next day I came back to my house with out my things, and with no room at my house and have been here since. I got my things a few days ago but still have no room here. i am at a loss, I don't know what to do, I don't know what went wrong. we lived together for almost two year, I love him so much, I cooked for him and did his laundry for him b/c I love him, I love his family and thay love me, I realize I am a bit clingy and jelaous and have abit of a low self esteem problem, but I don't know what I coudl have done differently except been more understanding, but he must realize my side of the situation....I was not unhappy because of him I was unhappy with the situation. I thought I was going to marry him and I thought he would make a great dad......he was my everything and we did everything toegether and he treated me so well, loved me, and I loved him. but I think I screwed it up by not realizing that yeah he had some little things that bothered me and made me mad but the good things outweighed the bad, now I feel like I have lost the love of my life because I could not accept him for who he is....

Also when we broke up he gave me the spiel about being freinds and tha tthis does'nt mean we will never get back together but I can't help but feel like this has not an affect on him like me. I am a total mess and he seems to be fine. Granted, he has never been very emotional, but a little feeling or for him to at lest let me know what is going through his head would be nice. I am just really scared and there is so much more to the story....I keep hoping he is going to change his mind because I think he loves me as much as I love him, but who knows....he is just hangin out with friends and having a good ole time while I am really sad. It may be his way of dealing with it but I really hope that he would really give it some thought. without him i feel like nothing we got along so well and had so much fun going to disney, on disney cruises etc. I hate to think he would throw it all away for a couple months of "fighting". I say "fighting" because I thought thing s had gotten better and I thought moving back home would make them even better. Everything reminds of him b/c he was my life...i don't know what to do without him...and I can't tell how he is feeling about me...

We have a credit card, under my name, that we put money on, and he wants to pay it off asap, also he pays for cell bill and asks when I am getting a new phone, we also have two dogs together so I can't just cut off completely.....but I cant just be friends with somone I love so much, but I know he isn't going to miss me unless I am gone, but it is going to behard to be gone with the dogs and credit card....Also it will kill me when he moves on and gets someone new.

He is so hard to read b/c the day I left I felt as if he was second guessing himself when he said kind of anxiously "this does'nt mean that we are never getting back together" and he says he still loves me more than I know and that I am his best friend..but...then the other day he called to see if I had been to his house when he knew I had been there because I took some of his stuff over and left it there, so it makes me wonder why he called..but then on christmas I went over there and it was really awkward and for x-mas he got me a giftcard.... I don't know what to do I can't get over him when I have so much tied to him and I want to have hope that he will come back but I just don't know....sometimes it seems he misses me and then it doesn't...I don't think he'll ever find a girl who loves him as much as I did and I really realize now how much I love him and should have accepted him more for the little faults he had...it just really sucks that It took this for me to realize I was having low self esteem and being overbearing and naggy and not appreciating him for all he did do.....help me

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST.....
I know how confused you are. My boyfriend of 6 years at the time did exactly the same thing. Out of nowhere, needed 'space' and 'time' to figure things out. I too, wondered why the hell they weren't already figured out... after all, I'd had it figured out for years. What was there to 'figure out'? You either love someone or you don't right? He also never spoke to me to tell me why. He was very standoffish and didn't understand that I didn't understand where he was coming from or why. I wanted answers. We got back together, and to this day... I still don't really know the answers. Sometimes looking for the answers is a waste of time, because I don't think your bf or ex really knows what's going on either.

Having been there, it really is best to give him his space. I highly doubt there is another girl. That's what I was afraid of too, but it wasn't that at all. My bf had just hit an age where things in his life weren't going to plan and he became depressed and I guess got confused about his life. We had also had a minor argument which probably tipped him over the edge and we didn't see eye to eye on, so I think part of it was to also punish me by ignoring me. But really, that's just what i think. I really don't know. And I made the mistake of pushing him by calling and asking questions all the time. It made it worse. Then one day, when I had really given up all hope, I just let it go. I sent him a message saying that I loved him, but it hurt too much for him to treat me this way. That I was sorry he was confused and hoped he worked things out. That the hardest thing in my life was to walk away from him when I didn't even know why, but that it hurt way less than what I was going through stuck in limbo. And that if he ever needed me, I would be there for him. And I stopped contact. That's when I started getting the messages. Still, I didn't reply. Oh I wanted to, but I didn't. As soon as I did (because I didn't want him to think I didn't care), he would back off for a while again. So I started going out and doing my own thing. It was really the only choice he gave me. I can't remember who initiated it, but we ended up agreeing to spend New Years together after not having spoken to me since mid November. It was weird and awkward for me and he acted like it had never happened after a month and a half of torture for me. I was expected to just get over it as well. That was the hard part. And also rebuilding a relationship that had gone off the rails for no apparent reason, or none that was being spoken of anyway. But really I think it was more about his own issues than anything else. He had lost his job, his car licence, he wanted to move out of home but couldn't, I was getting angry because I was working like a slave and trying to help him find a job while he seemed to do nothing and then wanted to keep me up until 4am playing games on his computer - but I was the bad one because I was trying to take away all his fun???? He just didn't understand me, and I didn't understand him.

But it was a long and hard road back. I didn't trust him anymore. I didn't understand he could do it to me... and he's not really one to talk about his feelings too much. A year later and things are better. We had a little argument the other day though and he said that if I was going to be like that then he would ignore me again for a few months. He didn't really mean it (wasn't said seriously) but I let him know that if he did it again, he'd only be playing the game with himself cause I'd be long gone. It's silly, childish and immature... but your boy may have valid reasons for wanting to sort himself out. Sometimes it works out for the best, sometimes it ends in heartbreak. All you can do is try to look at it rationally and do what you think is the best thing (only you know him after all), and hope that it works out and he realises how silly he is being.

So Steakie, I can identify with everything you're saying. Your fears, your doubts. Yep, they are all natural. So is blaming yourself. But it's never just one persons fault.

I don't know what else to say, other than I truly hope it works out for the best for you.





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