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Relationship Health Message Board


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[QUOTE]I don't understand how the family have stood idly by while all this has gone on. I don't understand why no one forced her to get some help. But everyone wants to complain and save her. She doesn't need to be kidnapped or someone to take care of her, she needs professional help. Otherwise she will just keep continuing to make the same mistakes.

I just think for people that are so concerned about her now, no one ever bothered to help her when she really needed it, or in the way she really needed. And from the sounds of it, no one really has her best interests at heart still. It seems the 'great escape' is only to relieve your own guilt, and I guess that of the family.
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Her family has tried to help her. Many, many times. They are trying to help her now. Like you said, she doesn't want help. She doesn't want to quit doing her pills and drinking and whatever else she does. I am not going to try to make her. I just want her to come here and spend time with us. I grew up because I had our kids and they forced me to. She hasn't had that at all. She needs to know them and be a part of their lives. She needs to be a part of my life. I have nothing but fun. I go to car shows, concerts, events, races, football games, fishing, etc. She would love it. It might be enough to make her want to quit that stuff. I don't know.

No woman in her right mind would rather be where she is than be where I am. But she's not in her right mind and neither am I. My youngest said she wasn't coming. He said she doesn't want the responsibilty of being a parent and won't be able to handle being around us after being gone and feeling that everything is her fault. I think he's finished with her forever. If she doesn't come, he probably won't ever speak to her again. He didn't speak to her when we saw her on Tuesday. He believes she would rather be there with her "drug buddy" than be a real person. He is probably right. Most women would have jumped at the chance to get to be with their kids after so long. Most women would have packed and left that guy on Tuesday. She's not most women. If she was, I wouldn't care for her.

As for therapy, that will never happen. A, there are no psychologists for about 50 miles from her house. B, they can't afford it. C, she would never go because that would be admitting there is a problem and she doesn't admit things. D, I don't think she thinks there is anything wrong with her.

Yeah, it may be to relieve my own guilt. I have plenty of it. Her family is sick of worrying about her. They worry more about her getting killed than they worry about their sick parents who could actually die at any time. If something happens to her and I just stood there and did nothing I couldn't live with myself.

But now, now that I have done everything I possibly could to "save" her, if she refuses and something happens to her, then I am in the clear. If she refuses to come home the kids will know (and are starting to figure it out already) that I have been right all these years saying "She didn't love us and didn't want to be around us." That even though I still love their mother and am willing to do anything to get her back, she does not love us and doesn't want them or me. It will help my relationship with them. Now her parents and siblings want me around again. I am the only ex husband or boyfriend of her's to have that honor. There are 2 places I feel comfortable other than my home. My sister's house, and theirs. It's nice to have another place to feel at home. I really like those people. They are just like my own brothers and sisters. It hurt me greatly that they stopped being nice after they figured I didn't want their sister back. Now things are good again with them. That alone makes all this worth it.

They didn't stand idly by. They tried to get her to do right. It just didn't work. They never had an alternative for her. I have come up there and offered her everything in the world. I have her kids, her security blankey (which she still misses), the best "party supplies" around, a good job, nice house with all kinds of cool things in it like a jacuzzi, and lots of other stuff. I didn't make any demands or conditions. All she has to do is come and enjoy. That is an alternative. If she doesn't take it, I think her family may be done with her. I will be done with her. The kids will be done with her.

She has the mother of all second chances standing in front of her. Instant good life just waiting for the taking. And you folks are right. She most likely won't take it. If she does, then she's going to love it. She will be happy. But I just keep getting the feeling that she won't. That she said she would so I wouldn't ask why not. She said she wanted time to get up about $1500 because she says she MUST have her own money. Then she would come on her own. We'll find out in a couple weeks.

Since that wreck yesterday I have been thinking much clearer. (I am just very, very sore today. All those extraneous pains have went away) I can actually think of other things again. And I have been panicking a little over just what I have gotten myself into. But like I said. I don't think she is going to show up today, and I really don't think she is going to show up in two weeks. If she doesn't and her family goes down there to make her come, that will be the end of them trying to help her if she doesn't come back. Either way it's going to be interesting. Does the woman with nothing take the second chance and gain everything or does she refuse and lose what little she had left? We'll know shortly I reckon.





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