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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE]I know she is the mother of your children and you obviously still have feelings for her, but I think you should try to think with your head instead of your heart and be smart about this. Do you really think you can scare a man who has done time in prison as a child molester? I think he's pretty much fearless at this point, whether or not he has feminine hands or whatever[/QUOTE]

He's not fearless. He's very fearful. While he may be able to intimidate women and little girls and force them to do what he wants, he can't intimidate me in the least. I have dealt with his kind before. I don't worry about the guy hurting me. I worry about him hurting her. He wouldn't last a second fighting me. She's not any good at fighting. She's smaller than him. He can bully her. Not me.

[QUOTE]domestic violence shelters are EVERYWHERE. At every doctor's office I have ever been to there have been flyers for shelters and help posted in the ladies bathrooms. I see commercials on TV all the time.[/QUOTE]

Again, the closest anything is 30 miles away. There are doctors in Beckley and Charleston. There are shelters there too. But none in her area. There is NOTHING in her area. One store, one post office. That's it. A bunch of run down shacks and rotting trailers. Coal dust coats everything and the river is so polluted there are no fish in it. It's like going back in time. Literally like going back in time. There's steep mountains on both sides and it's a 2000ft change in elevation to get to any town that she would probably have to walk to if she left and he knew she was leaving. Would you be up to a 30 mile walk uphill in deep nowhere where there aren't even so much as street lights or police patrols in 25 degree temps and snow? I spent the whole week in that area. Know how many cops I saw? None. If you've ever seen "Coal Miner's Daughter" imagine that only poorer with newer cars.

[QUOTE]One more disturbing thing--you talk about her like she is property to be dragged around by you like you are some all-knowing being and know what is best for her. Believe me, I'm not a feminist whacko, but it bothers even me!!! Maybe that's why it didn't work out the first time with her. She is not a child, or a pet, and it is disturbing to hear a man refer to a woman in such a way[/QUOTE]

Well she can't take care of herself. That's the problem. She never has been able to. She can't hold a job. She doesn't have the self esteem needed to better herself either. She's spent a long, long time feeling sorry for herself over what happened with me and the kids. Rivers of booze have been consumed in an attempt to forget and not care about that anymore. She's felt that she completely screwed up her life and could never fix it no matter what. I told her exactly what would happen to her if I left. And everything I said would happen, has in fact happened to the letter. She's living the world's biggest "I told you so". From what her family told me I was the only guy to ever treat her decently. And the only one to not beat her. I do know what's best for her. She knows it, her family knows it, the kids know it. I have proven it before. It's been 15 years since I spent 3 years living with her and what does she talk about all the time to everyone? Those 3 years. Like it was a mythical enchanted time or something. Mentally she is still exactly where I left her. She hasn't grown as a person in any way. She hasn't gained any skills, learned any trades, reformed from any bad habits, anything.

I am sorry if the way I talk about her offends you. If she was anyone else, I would have nothing to do with her. If I hadn't messed her up so badly I might not care so much about "fixing" her. But it was my teachings and my influence that made her the person she is today. She's a drug addict because I made her one. I gave her her first bong hit. I gave her her first cigarrette. I gave her her first hit of acid. Her first line of coke. Her first valium. I didn't give her her first drink though. She lived in Germany until she was 16. They sell beer in soda machines there. But I never tried to curb her drinking until it was too out of control for her to stop. I encouraged it. She was funny when she was drunk and didn't fuss and complain alot. So I got her alcohol before she was 21. I warped that mind. Not on purpose but I did it. So I have to deal with it. I filled her mind with "drugs are good" because at that time I felt that way. I grew up. She didn't. It's time for her to grow up, be a mother, and start to heal and learn again. Because I said it is time. If you don't like that a man can control a woman's fate I am sorry. But her fate and mine are intertwined. She and I are part of the same whole. To me it's no different than retrieving a lost, much needed and beloved body part. In my mind she's still my wife and always has been. To me, only the first marriage counts. Everything else is cheating. As far as I am concerned she's not really married to that guy and never was. So it is like she is property. She's part of me and I have rights over me. I was content to let her do her own thing if that pleased her. Now it seems that coming back to me will please her. Since that is so, I will now exercise my rights and take back what was mine.

I am the only guy who would ever want her who is not a complete loser. Guys in my postion NEVER go after the ex stripper, alcoholic, contrary, drug addicted, ex drug dealer, ex prostitute, with mental problems and a violent raging temper, who has gotten fat and looks a good 15 to 20 years older than him. I wouldn't speak to such a woman normally. But she's that way because I warped her. And I love her. So that stuff doesn't really matter to me. I will deal with it. I would rather be with her than these vacant fashion models who are so common around here.

I do think I have gone completely insane. My kids think I have gone crazy. My mother thinks I have lost my mind. I get the vibe that her family thinks I'm nuts too, but they want her out of that situation badly and want our kids back in their lives even more. They know I will take care of her even though I'm crazy for trying. But I'd rather be crazy. I've gone too far to back out now at any rate. Even if I quit trying to regain her, like I said, her family will do it for me. I've dug this hole and now I've got to live with it.

And I will. Happily. No matter what. Even if it kills me. Because I love her and want her to be happy and safe.





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