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I was just wondering, and perhaos some one on here has been through it first-hand, can a relationship ever really be the same after a breakup?

Say you were with the person for a couple years and then broke up. A few months later say you get back together, can it ever be the same, or will/is there always the underlying fear that something will go wrong again or that you can't trust that person again? Can you really be like you were the first time before the break up, or is it possible to not hold a grudge (for lack of a better word)?

Also, a real hard question, is it possible to remain friends after a breakup?
I think it depends on many different factors - why the people broke up, have they fixed whatever broke them up, etc. It can be as good if not better than before, but both people have to want to work to make it that way, provided the thing that broke them up in the first place is either gone or put in a much different perspective by both parties. You can let go of the "grudge" assuming it's in your best interest to do so (i.e. if he beat you and refuses to get counseling, or cheated and still is secretive and evasive about where he goes or who he hangs out with and shows no remorse or real change, then it would NOT be in your best interest to let go of the "grudge" or to trust him again) if you really want to, like Dr. Phil says, "do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" BUT...

It's been my personal experience that exes are exes for a reason, and giving a man who has already rejected you another chance, all you're really doing is giving him another chance to reject you again and break your heart. Liek the Book He's Just Not That Into You says, one thing a man who really loves you DOESN'T do, is leave you, is to tell you to your face that he no longer wants your love or company. But exes getting back together and it working out is not unheard of, it does happen. Just think it through, consider all the above, and watch your butt.

Oh, and p.s., about the being "just friends" with exes, I'm generally against it. It usually only happens because children are involved and they have to be friendly, or one person is still in love and is secretly hoping for a reconsiliation. Let's face it, if you were really all that close and all buddy-buddy that you just have to stay in each others' lives, would you have broken up in the first place?
I feel that you can be friends with an ex, but only after you have both spent time away from each other and healed and there are no more feelings left there. But by that time, you usually wouldn't think about them that much to want to be there friend anyway... because you would have moved on.

I don't know if a relationship can ever be the same after a break up and then after getting back together. It does change the dynamics in a sense. But that doesn't mean it changes for the worst all the time. In some cases, it can be even better. I have to admit that my relationship with my man is probably much better, but I had to go through alot of heartbreak to get there. I don't think you hold a grudge so much, but you carry with parcelled up pain with you. Most of the time it stays buried deep in your archives, but when an argument comes up or something, it springs up to the surface... but you don't have the same kind of fear as when it was fresh. I would just say that perhaps at some times you can be a little more wary.

In your case, because there hasn't been infidelity or anything like that, it wouldn't ruin your relationship if you two were to get back together. It wouldn't be effortlessly easy, but it wouldn't be too much of a struggle to pick back up. I just think that if he did come back, well it's because he wants to be there with you right and he's decided it's what he wants in life.... so there would be no point in worrying about the past right?





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