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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

Every time I have broken up with a guy I have usually found more happiness with the next one (well, at first). With my last ex, I had never been in a long-term relationship before, and he really grew on me (well, like a fungus). Since I was with him so long I could not imagine living without him, even if he made me miserable. That was when I was younger and considerably more melodramatic and intense.

I met my current boyfriend almost two years ago and I never regretted leaving my ex behind. It was still a little tough for awhile. I'd always expect to see his car driving up and stuff like that. But I will never miss the abject misery. Of course now I have a new kind of misery with my current boyfriend, so. It seems like with break-ups we always focus on the good things. Don't do that. Focus on the bad and remind yourself daily why you aren't with him anymore.

I have to admit that I am really wary of relationships, even though I always seem to be in one. I don't have much fait in "love" and like my relationships to be more practical and means-to-an-end. It seems to me like you are chomping at the bit to find someone to love and adore. But here is an idea - why don't you focus all of that loving energy on [B]yourself?[/B] I wouldn't worry so much about finding a new guy. Take yourself out, spoil yourself...learn to have a blast on your own. Yeah, it is nice sometimes to have a partner to do things with. But you most certainly don't need a guy in order to find happiness in your life. Spend more time with your friends, or else widen your social circle.

Here is why I say this. You really need to have all of your other ducks in a row before you add a serious relationship. You have to have your career, your friends, your goals, your hobbies, all set up. Then when you find a partner, they know who you are and where exactly they are going to fit into your life. But if you go looking for the relationship before anything else, then you will just get tangled up in your boyfriend's life, and you'll start confusing the things that make him happy and thinking they SHOULD make you happy, even if they don't. I'm talking from experience. I thought my current boyfriend was the cat's meow when I met him and thought he would make me happy just because of who he was. But I have only found myself folded into his life. At the time I didn't really know what I wanted from life. And now that I'm getting a better picture I unfortunately don't see him in it, even though he wants to get married. Er.

Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you do have a great career (or, if you aren't an adult yet, you know what you plan to do), you have a good circle of friends, you have hobbies that you love and you know what makes you happy. Maybe the only thing missing is a boyfriend. Well, that is different then. But it just seems like you equate happiness with finding the right boyfriend. You have to find yourself first, find your own happiness, and then you'll be able to find someone who will fit into your life. Good luck :)

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