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[QUOTE=vintagegirl]It's been my observation that Players always follow the same pattern---it's calculated--a molestation of sorts. If they sense any vulnerbility (trouble w/a boyfriend, trouble with a friend, etc., etc...) they will first "play" on it to see how much the girl will open up. Once they've established the girl's trust (and interest), they take what they can get, then drop her because "the hunt", which only validated their own nervous little egos, is over. In fact, Players end up thinking that the woman was stupid for falling for their crap because they know it's crap. I'd have to say that insecurity is the driving factor....they never try the stuff on stronger, more self aware women whom they consider too hard to manage or out of their league.[/QUOTE]

This is very true, and Vintage girl also offers great advice in her later post on this thread. I think there are a lot of guys who might call me a player--at least in the past--and one of the telltale signs is definitely someone who has a ton of friends of the opposite sex. Yes, part of this may be because they get along better and seem to have more in common with the opposite gender, but I doubt there are any cases where quite a few of these "friends" are not or haven't been more than just friends. It is also true that genuine players, meaning those with absolutely no consideration for others' feelings and no interest whatsoever in developing a relationship even with someone who has everything they are looking for (I would definitely not include myself in this category but have had several guys like this as friends) confine themselves to preying on women with the kind of vulnerabilities VG describes in her post above. I used to wonder why girls who were not always so nice to guys and/or who made it clear that they would not tolerate anything but consistently respectful and kind treatment (both of which qualities are obvious about me to any guy within a few hours of meeting me) rarely have to deal with guys who act like jerks or are hardcore players, and why women who are unfailingly sweet, kind, patient, and understanding with everyone in their lives seem to often find themselves in relationships with guys who don't treat them nearly as well as such women deserve to be treated. But the more I experience and observe, the more I realize that a lot of this is attributable to the fact that men who mistreat women (especially those who lie and cheat) are generally insecure themselves and are terrified of dealing with confident, assertive women, so they go after women they perceive as easy targets.

These women may be vulnerable only at that particular time in their lives, such as right after a breakup, a move, losing a job, etc. or they may have personalities that make them vulnerable to players and jerks in that they trust easily, give everyone the benefit of the doubt, avoid conflict and confrontation, are nice and understanding with everyone they know, and tend to be reluctant to cut off any relationships, even when they sense deep down that it isn't healthy or beneficial for them to be involved with a certain person. Unfortunately, a lot of these qualities also make someone a great friend and an all around kind, good-hearted person, which is why it's so sad and unfair that such people often end up victimized by people of the opposite sex who they open up to and develop feelings for, by whom they then find themselves treated poorly or betrayed. But anyway, I think that if a woman senses that a man may be a player, the chances are quite good that her instincts are accurate, much the way women usually sense when their partners are cheating before they have any concrete reason to suspect it. So while a little spying (that ebay idea is brilliant, by the way!) like checking the dialed and received calls in a new boyfriend's cell phone can often reveal whether or not he's being a player, just the fact that a woman is wondering whether a guy might be playing her is usually also a good indicator that her suspicions are justified. Of course that's not true in all cases, especially when a woman tends to be suspicious of men in general or is being extra-cautious because she's recently been burned, but instinct is usually a good guide when it comes to this sort of thing. The indicators that StormGirl and Outtolunch mentioned are also generally smart things to look for when evaluating whether a particular guy is a player. I think it's also important to realize that only the most extreme players out there mistreat every single person with whom they become involved. There are probably a lot more people out there who sometimes act like players but who sometimes genuinely fall for, care about, and even love particular partners, who they are capable of, and often do, treat very well. Anyway, cinting, I hope that you aren't personally dealing with a guy who turns out to be a player--you deserve a lot better than that, and I hope that you soon end up with a man who treats you like a princess :). Good luck and take care!

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