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Relationship Health Message Board

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I am sad to say that I too was like your girlfriend. It was almost scary to read your post because I saw myself in it. I was also a virgin until I got with my boyfriend (now husband), and have only acted this way with him.

From personal experience, there can be any number of things that is bothering your girlfriend. For me, it was several things. I was always really mellow in school, very sweet and the type of person who allowed others to walk all over me. I got with Mark when I was 18. He was actually my first boyfriend, but I had grown up in a home where my mom was a constant nagger and very jealous of her boyfriends/my dad. I guess I picked up some of her ways and started acting them out on Mark.

I also started taking birth control and I had way too much estrogen in my system. This caused me to be VERY MEAN and sometimes violent. (My family saw it, as my 14 year old brother saw me hit him once when he refused to let go of my arm.) On top of it, Mark had a wondering eye for other women and it made me very unsure of our relationship. A lot of our problems was due to my insecurity and his lack of respect of being devoted to me. We fought non stop for the first few years over various things. Finally I gave him an ultimatum. Either he stop looking around or I was leaving. He started controlling it but I was still never happy with him. I too have ruined so many of our trips becasue I caught him glancing at other women.

Things didn't seem to get any better until I switched my birth control pills. Then I was able to see that I was acting just like my mom and I started to feel bad for Mark, as I did for my mom's ex's. I am a whole lot better now with controlling my anger. Now if I catch him glancing at some other girl, I just go out and find a guy to flirt with. After all, whats good for the goose is good for the gander.

I know that your girlfriend doesn't see anything as her fault, neither did I. The truth is, she probably see's it as you provoking her and causing her to be the way she is. Can I ask, what was her upbringing like? Also is she on birth control pills? If so, I would probably start there as a possible reason. If she has too much estrogen in her system, it can be making her more irritable/angry/aggressive. It is just like giving a man too much testosterone, he is likely to become more aggressive.

Sit down and talk to her about why she feels upset all the time. Have her read my post if she is willing. I was JUST LIKE HER, so I know what it is like to be her. Please don't take her behavior personally, talk to her and see what comes out of it. If she still refuses to do anything about how she is acting, then I think you should seriously take a look at how much this relationship means to you becasue you may have to move on. She may not seek help until she is given a push. Good luck.

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