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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index is hard for me because my boyfriend really WAS a wonderful guy. Better than I could have asked for for so long...except for the fact that I just gave more than he did and he took advantage of it (and I was his first serious relationship). And when I confronted him about it, he said he understood, listened, said he'd change or we'd analyze why we were upset, etc. We had great communication. Now, it was fine that way for 1 year and 7 months, but when he completely just stopped making any effort at all and blaming it all on school, I had started to have enough. I was still happy overall in the relationship, just like you said, because I was happy with HIM, I just thought it was a rough time and I wasnt happy at the moment (the last month or two). And I was having frustrations and knowing something needed to change, like most couples go through in their relationships. I didnt see it as the end-all of problems. I just felt like I was totally being taken for granted. I felt like I was available for him 100% of the time, if he needed me, if he wanted to see me, when he called me, and as for him? I was lucky if he could put in the time to come see me and actually talk with me in between his studying time. So that was it- it had built up over time. I made so many sacrificies religion-wise and time-wise, like I've mentioned, and I was willing to raise kids his religion because it was important to him and it wasn't to me (I'm flexible and completely open-minded in that area). Well, with that it was unequal from the start, and I guess thats not good. I am a firm believer that people of different beliefs/backgrounds/culture/whatever can come together and actually work better than other couples, and thats what I wanted and felt we were like. But throughout our relationship I felt like it was ME who was constantly bringing up how to compromise, how to communicate, how to help us and strengthen us to make our differences...and it worked. We had a great relatoinship. Because I gave and gave and he just was his great self, but he didnt have to give and give. Sometimes I wonder if it was my fault...that I was just too available and willing to compromise and then resented him for not doing the same. I think I was just madly and completely in love with him...I was just constantly thinking of ways to make him happy, day in and day out. From the littlest things to the big ones. So when it came to making ME happy and he fell short and then just didn't try at all, no wonder I was upset. He just did what he wanted. And I guess hed rather just end it and make it easier for himself without trying to fix it. It makes me feel so betrayed- how selfish!!. Hes the baby of the family, VERY spoiled, and self-involved, and I just didnt see his true colors until now. Its a shame.
The saddest part is just dealing with the loss, and the fact that what was assured in my mind to be so strong just fell apart so fast. I constantly remember our good times, and how quickly he just threw it away because HE was having a rough time. It makes me so angry that I gave sooo much to try to work through our differences and fought and gave up all I could and then the ONE time he has trouble he just cuts the relationship off. That pisses me off beyond belief. (Angry phase, can you tell?) Its funny, these are my thoughts right now, they go from missing him, and then the next second Im cursing at him in my head and reminding myself that I will never take him back, that he can't treat me this way and I shouldn't want to be with him.
It is true, once theyre not in your life, they cant affect you anymore. Only your thoughts can, and I try to avoid thinking about him, but like Steakie, my imagination runs wild and I start imagining him 1-2-3 years from now with another girl, another life, and totally moved on from me, like we never were what we were at all.

*sorry I keep writing so much w/ so many details, you can tell I am venting a really helps to write it all out!

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