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Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


Speaking from personal experience, I know exactly how it is to feel paranoid and wondering what he's doing...I still do. I asked him at least 3X if there was another girl when we broke up and he said no. And it got to the point where, I don't want to know anymore. I could spin all these stories and situations in my head about what he is doing and I would go absolutely insane. I have to stop myself from doing it sometimes, but I would really, really suggest cutting off all contact with yours. It took me a month and a half to do it so I'm no role model here, but after doing it 10 days ago, I just feel more sane and in control of myself. It killed me to do it, because of the history I had with him (you know my story- for those who don't, its the thread entitled "Can you just fall out of love like this?"). He was the love of my life, and while I still think so, I am so angry and sort of hating him right now (mixed with intense feelings of wanting him back and still crying over him on occasion). It kills me to think that someone I put so much of myself into can just hurt me the way he did. But, it happened, and its a reflection of HIS character, not mine, beacuse I truly truly feel that he will look back one day and think, 'wow, I really messed up and I can't believe I treated someone like her the way I did'. And maybe he won't, but then, it's his loss, because I think he will have many relationship problems in the future if he is this selfish and cold! Someone said something great on the thread posted by Rarrrr, saying something about how it shows that WE are the ones that are capable of love and commitment and COMPROMISE and SACRIFICE, and they aren't, so if anything, they are the losers, not us. THat really made me think, and its true.
I'm off on a tangent, but my point is- try to concentrate more on you and appearing strong to him, or better yet, yourself and everyone around you. I've noticed that when he calls you are short with him- thats good, because I never was with mine. I would start bawling and ask him a million quetsions and I just never wanted the phone convo to end because I wanted to keep talking with him, even if it meant me bawling. Somewhere in my crazy head I just thought that if we could stay on the phone and talk it all out in detail we'd decide we were meant to be and get back together. Obviously, this made me look neurotic and I'm sure pushed him away even more. Now, if he called tomorrow, I would have the strength not to cry...but barely. Its so hard. I know. But the only thing that can really help is time, fun distraction, and CUTTING HIM OUT. Even if only for a few months while you can heal and aren't so emotional and attached still. If you have to settle bills or whatever, do it through email, that way you can cut to the chase. My guy was sending me emails (b/c he is a coward) saying hey and 'checking in', and I was so annoyed that he didn't call me that I didnt respond. I think it makes them realize that they're being idiots.
I'm obviously still very bitter and trying to heal myself, and I don't know how I'm doing, but I know that every time I talked to him I immediately took 5 steps back. So I knew I had to cut off contact. I still think about him every day, what he's doing, if he misses me, but I try to stop. What really gets me sometimes too is thinking about him in the future, like in a year, because I won't know where he is. Right now I know where he is mostly all the time- where he lives, when his semester is finished, but in a year? He'll move to another apt. and I won't know if he has a girlfriend or what stuff he does...its scary. But hey, the same goes for him- I'm not letting him know of my whereabouts so he can drive himself crazy too if he really wanted to.
Its really tough. Just try to take care of yourself. I've thought about counseling too, I just don't know if it will make me dwell on it vs. getting over it. For now, everytime you start to stare off into space and cry and think about him, try to do something that will distract, like driving somewhere to go shopping or whatever. Even if its the last thing you want to do. I know what its like to not want to accept the situation and get over him, and I know what its like to lose all interest in things. Believe me, i know.





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