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Relationship Health Message Board

Relationship Health Board Index

I am only 18 years old, and I know I have the rest of my life ahead of me, so I'm not worried about being doomed for life here. Anyway I had been going out with this girl for about a year and a half. She was the first serious relationship that I had simply because I have never let anyone close to me. I never let anyone close to me because I have had a rocky home life, my family had always treated me like trash. Anyway she was the first person in my life that I confided in about anything. Over that year we were together, we spend literally almost every day together. She made me feel better about myself, for the first time ever in my educational career I was getting A's. We did have one problem with the relationship thought, we argued quite a bit. A normal person probably would have given up, but I kept fighting for her because I loved her so much, and she made such a huge positive impact on my life. On New Years I said something that hurt her, I didn't mean to, and it ended. The fact that is was ending over something so stupid made me furious. Since she didn't forgive me I let loose on her and said a lot of mean things to her that I didn't mean. I week later I went to hang out with a few friends in a few towns over, I just had to get out of town. Then I got drunk and emailed her and said some more nasty things. A few nights ago I wrote up a letter and told my friend to give it to her. It basically said that I was sorry for the things that I said, you are a good person, but you weren't good to me. Now she passed on a message to my friend saying that she is happy with her life now, happier than she has been in ages.

Now I know this is only my first serious relationship, and I'm only 18, but at the same time she was the first person that I have ever confided in, and connected with. It would be easier if I was surrounded by supportive people, but I'm not. I have tried to party until I forget about her, but it feels that I made such a connection with her that it didn't matter what I was doing, I would rather be with her. Also my parents just seperated a couple months ago, and my dad who has treated me semi-good has left. I didn't do one of my final projects in one of my classes, because i have lost all initiative. It feels like I'm going back to the person I use to be, unwanted and unloved, and I use to hate myself. I don't want to hate myself again....

Anyway, and suggestions on how to fix my life??

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