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Thank you Paperdoll for your words. :wave: It's the first time I could smile today!

To my surprise, I have already started to exorcise the ghost of this great family re-union. No doubt, this will haunt me again at some point (in Valentine's day when she's arranged to visit :) and he said that he will get me my Valentine's present in April...we will a very special and different Valentine...in April :D ). One thing helped me massively is HIS attitude, he was extremely defensive of her yesterday while I was in tears...I asked him why can't we all meet outside his mum's? She said she was visiting a friend in Wales and why can't we (Me and Dave, She and her son and her boyfriend??? "doubt it") all meet outside? He started to say that I didn't want him to see his son at all!!!! He said that he felt sorry for her being a single mum and doing a part-time job at the same time. And oh, he wants to send money to them because she is skint! :confused:
I am then doing an extraordinary job looking after a big child like him, a full-time PhD student, and almost a full-time worker!!
Well, I now doubt that he wants to see her in a place where I am not allowed to be!!!
We had an argument last night and he asked me to leave ! Then he apologised and said that he didn't want to hurt me and that he loved me so much but he was under many pressures!!!!!!!!
He asked me not to discuss this issue no more. At 5 am he asked for s-x, and I said that I was tired, then he said that I am repressive!!!!!!

In work, I was overwhelmed with depression today.. lack of sleep, shakes and sickness and I cried my eyes out without attracting anyone's attention, it is a very small and quiet but friendly office (I am still in my old job until I receive my new contract)
But suddenly, I felt quite better and thought that she is NOT worth it. My workmate cheered me a lot, he's such a sweet guy.

Anyway, I have realised that I am feeling bad not because of her but because he WANTS me to feel bad, it's like punishing me for a mistake that he has done: forsaking his son.

Last night I asked him to be a responsible dad always, not only for 5 minutes if he is that conscientious! But I guess that he is just enjoying the sense of having a child whom he doesn't have to look after, a middle-aged girl fighting for him and flying over to see him and stay at his mum's, and I am now the old boring housewife!!!! :)
I will try to focus my energy on feeling better about myself, I am seeing my GP this Friday because I have been sick frequently this week. I am feeling very poorly besides my anxiety. So I guess that I will start to think about myself now!

Thanks a million everyone, and doll, I have saved all your responses because they give the strength that my BF is taking from me.

Love
Nina





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