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Relationship Health Message Board


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I have mixed opinons on the writing him a letter thing, mainly because I wrote my ex an email or two (he wouldnt pick up my calls in there for a little while) pouring out my heart. However, I was never immature or insulting in my approach (no cursing, no horrible words, nothing like that- I tried to stay as diplomatic as I could--didnt quite work that way all the time). Heres my thing though, about sending something in writing: For 1, it wont do anything. The situation wont change. I think in the beginning I thought that if I could just remind him of what he was throwing away, he would snap out of his 'funk' and come back. It doesnt work. So any effort you might try to get through writing is futile. However, for 2, I think I wanted to write my ex a letter/email to make him see how much he hurt me, whether he cared or not. That was satisfaction in itself for me- even if it did make me look weak and so forth, I was the victim and he didnt know an ounce of how i felt, so if he wanted to judge me as being weak, it was fine with me- i had nothing to lose-he was already gone and wasn't with me anyway.
For me, usually, I write stuff down and dont send it. Its therapeutic. I guess in this situation, it depends on your intent, although you have to know that the situation will not change no matter what you do, and you will still be without him no matter what.

To all-
So I went on a blind date last night. First time ever. The guy was really nice and we hit it off pretty well as far as the conversation (although that could have been helped due to the wine). Actually, we hit it off VERY well, we were out until way early in the morning talking!
Now heres the thing- I am not that physically attracted to him. Hes nice looking I guess, just completely not my type. The antithesis of my ex in all ways. I know its not an end-all problem here and sounds quite shallow, but my ex was the most gorgeous person I had ever seen, practically. So I just feel like Im taking a huge step down in that department, and thats hard. Like, no one will ever compare to my ex in looks and attractiveness and style, etc.

And this is what scares me. Like, even if I see this guy again and I become more and more attracted to him over time, it will never be this 'lust at first sight' thing like it was with my ex. And Im frightened by that. I remember posting a while back saying that I was scared that I wouldnt find anyone who would love me like my ex did. Well, lately, that concern has turned into being scared that [B]I [/B] will never love someone like I loved my ex. I have never known love like I loved my ex, the way i lusted at him from the start and turned into loving him as much as I did. It was beautiful and all-consuming. I feel like if Im not as physically attracted to someone, it will be completely different...just less consuming and mind-blowing.
Ive been given advice from my mom that i should stop dating these gorgeous men and find someone that 'loves me more than I love them'. To me, that just isnt really what I want, I don't think. I dont want to settle. I want to be as consumed and enamored with the guy I end up with, like I was with my ex. Every time I saw my ex i wanted to...you know. Im scared that if I am not physically attracted to the next guy, as much as it might change over time, it won't have started out with that intial 'fire' that I had with my ex.

Maybe Im just not ready to date? It WAS really therapeutic because it was fun and I felt like I was getting along with my life and enjoying myself (not sitting at home cryign over my ex anymore). I guess Im just scared. I know I cant think about the future, and should only live for this moment alone (thanks, opie!). I just feel it will be hard someday when there is another person involved and I just cant love them like I loved my ex, and therefore I won't be happy. I dont want to hurt anyone.





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