It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board


Relationship Health Board Index


[QUOTE=steakie46]Hi VM,

How long after you broke up with your ex did you start dating again?

Also, why exactly did you two break up?

I really need to make some friends and have ppl to hang out with, but I am so bad at it. Any tips?[/QUOTE]

Hi Stacy! :)

Please don't ever hesitate to ask me anything that crosses your mind...I've shared just about everything here, and I certainly would never hold back anything that might help someone else! As I've said, prior to meeting the ex who broke my heart toward the end of college, I'd dated quite a lot of different guys and had several other relationships during which I was genuinely in love, so I'd had a pretty unusual amount of experience with guys by the time I started dating my ex, though I'd never been dumped or had my heart broken before.

We moved in together right away and from the start faced numerous outside pressures, such as our respective roommates plotting together and lying to us in an effort to manipulate us into not getting involved with each other. They tried really hard to avert this as his roommate was literally going through a prolonged mental breakdown, during which time he had to be institutionalized by the police and his parents three different times because my roommate, who wasn't at all popular with men, was so enthralled by having her first ever boyfriend, mentally ill or not, that she helped him break out of the mental hospital each time. When he finally moved out of state to be near his family, she went back on her fruitless crusade to dissuade my ex from being with me and to try and steal him away, which it turns she'd also done behind my back several times with past boyfriends.

Soon after, we moved to spend the summer with his family in NYC, which was also a difficult and stressful period for us, because I was never really comfortable there, and his psycho grandmother waged a war to try and come between us, as she liked having complete control over my ex. The rest of his family and I got along okay, but they disliked the idea of him being close with anyone near our college, because it might keep him from coming back home on vacations and after he graduated, so it seemed like our relationship was under siege from that angle just like it had been since we first met at college. Then finally we got out of there and moved into our own place, which is always stressful, and as soon as we started our senior year of college, I had my wisdom teeth removed and ever since then, I’ve suffered from horrible chronic pain that shoots up one side of my face. I’ve seen about a dozen doctors and been on and off tons of different medications since then, and the terrible pain along with the side effects and anxiety that came along with the pain and various treatment efforts would have put a huge strain on any relationship.

Through all of this, my ex was wonderfully loving, sweet and supportive—he has never been anything but kind, patient, and caring to me, and he is truly a great person. I guess the timing and cir***stances were just against us, because for the next few years, we stayed strong and united, but tended to isolate ourselves from the rest of the world because our love was so intense that we were happier alone and because we are both introverted homebodies at heart. In retrospect I think that wasn’t a healthy move, but it’s a mistake many young couples make, and we did the best we could, but his family continued to pressure and manipulate him into going home to NYC from the moment we graduated. We were both struggling with uncertainty following graduation anyway regarding jobs, graduate school, and our future plans in general, though we had vowed to stay close and united no matter what. Then one Christmas things got unbearably tense, and I basically couldn’t stand his family anymore and broke down…while we made up and held on for several more months, that was definitely the beginning of the end, and his evil grandmother came to visit and was so horrible to me that I had a car accident, after which I couldn’t stop crying, full of hatred, rage, and frustration with his family, and my ex found it difficult to comfort me without feeling like he was taking sides against his family.

They always made it so it was me against them and put my poor ex in an impossible position trying to please everyone, which he always did because he was so kind-hearted and sweet that he couldn’t stand to let anyone he loved down. After the weekend with his grandmother and my breakdown after it, he left, saying he needed a break, and while we reconciled briefly, ultimately he bowed down to the pressure his parents and other family members, who were greatly inspired to continue coming between us once they saw they’d driven us into needing a break. We really thought nothing would come between us, but ultimately he wasn’t strong enough to resist the external pressures on him, and I think that between my chronic pain and his family, we were just under way too much strain from all possible sides. It’s really sad, because we never had anything but immense love and were nothing but kind and sweet to each other throughout everything we went through, but in the end, I know we just weren’t meant to be, because otherwise we’d still be together.

And quite frankly, in some ways it’s a relief not to have to worry about his miserable family and his uncertainty and unhappiness with everything, though it’s incredibly difficult dealing with my health problems without the unconditional love and support he provided, though my family has helped immeasurably since we split. I was absolutely crushed for months after he left, though I did start dating again within a few months, even though I wasn’t ready to get seriously involved with anyone else. I realized that I loved being single and not having to answer to anyone or be tied down—it was absolutely great being able to date a ton of different guys, because I love men, lots of different men, but I’d been stuck in serious, long term relationships for much of the time since I started dating. I’m kind of like the stereotypical guy when it comes to wanting to experience as many different guys as I find attractive, both in terms of dating and in terms of sex in certain cases, and I loved being free to do whatever I wanted.





All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:16 PM.





© 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!