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Relationship Health Message Board

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Hi ladies! :)

You are both so strong and doing so much better than you're giving yourselves credit for! I'm very impressed with your resiliance, and I hope you will both have faith and trust us who have been through this before when we assure you that in time, you will get over this and things will get easier and less painful each day, albeit gradually. Those awful moments are unavoidable when things are still fresh, and my advice is not to fight it when you get an overwhelming feeling of devastation and just need to break down and sob inconsolably. I remember those waves of intense sadness all too well and still get them occasionally, as my ex and I shared a very unusual and strangely close connection and always treated each other with kindness, respect, and friendship. I haven't been able to talk to him over the last six months or so because it was too painful, but the sweet things he does occasionally and how consistently good to me he's been absolutely melt my heart, and thus break it all over again. So it's not an easy or quick process to get over someone you truly cherish, nor do you necessarily stop loving them, but the pain does diminish, and time does heal all wounds at least to a certain extent.

Anyway, I just wanted to remind you both that you are wonderful, amazing women who deserve nothing less than the most special guys out there who absolutely worship you and have every single quality you want in your life partners...these guys have a way of popping up when we least expect them, and even if not all our relatoinships were meant to last, that doesn't mean we aren't ultimately wiser, tougher, and more understanding people for going through each relationship that doesn't last. It takes a lot of distance and perspective to see how we're enriched by our failed relationships, but it's important to remember (even if you're a devout atheist like me) that everything really does happen for a reason, that everything has its season, that all things pass in time, and that things have a way of working out for the best in a way often unimaginable until it someday becomes crystal clear. Pain and heartbreak are rough, but you have already made it through the worst days of these hellish ordeals, and I have complete faith that you will make it through the coming days which will get progressively easier and happier :). Please also remember that loss is an important, inescapable part of life that makes us appreciate love and happiness so much when we're lucky enough to experience these things, and even though it usually hurts, change ends up being in our best interest.

I just know that as hard as they are right now, all these breakups are ultimately for the best, as all the women who have posted here feeling heartbroken deserve a man who will treat them better and show them far more loyalty than any man who would even consider breaking up with the woman he loves. What you are going through now is definitely something you need to experience, and while it's grueling and miserable, it is in your best interest and will make you smarter and tougher in the end--I never knew what people meant when they said "whatever doesn't kill you will make you stronger" until my ex broke my heart for the first and only time. And I bet the first time is always the worst and the we know that to love fully and without reservation can be as painful as it is wonderfully gratifying, and that it's therefore worth the effort. I think I'll fall in love again, and while I felt like I could never trust or love again as completely as I did with my ex for a long time after he left, now I think that the experience makes me appreciate the good times in a love affair more than I ever did before, so who knows? It's always wise to keep an open mind and an open heart, though not always possible...sometimes we need to build a shield around our hearts to allow them to heal, and the time we spend mourning and moving on as single women are often some of the most formative and important experiences of our lives.

I thought I knew everything about love when I was with my ex, having had relationships with at least a dozen men, having tons of dating experience, and having loved three other men very intensely, though not on the same very private, intimate, and intense level that my ex and I achieved...I couldn't imagine life without him or either of us ever loving anyone else more. Maybe we loved each other too much, I don't know, but I am so much wiser now than I was when I'd never been hurt by love or had a broken heart. In time, I've even come to see that my ex wasn't the right person for me to spend my whole life loving, because the timing and external circumstances just weren't right. The main reason I know this is because we aren't together anymore, and I just know that the man for me would never, ever, leave me, no matter what we had to endure, and my ex and I definitely experienced a harsh trial by fire. I really think it's that simple, and that love and life has a way of ushering us blindly along a path that ends up being full of wonderful surprises, twists, and turns that we can't anticipate but that end up being far more fulfilling than anything we thought we wanted and envisioned as the pinnacle of happiness at any one time. But no matter what, I know that we all deserve to be loved, cherished, respected, and admired by those for whom we open our hearts. I also know that everything happens for a reason and works out for the best in the end, no matter how bleak and hopeless things seem sometimes, and believe me, I've had some dark times since losing the love of my life and developing a nightmarish chronic pain problem. But we only get one life, and we need to experience as much passion as we can, even when it's in a negative form, as that's what makes love and happiness so gratifying and sweet. Hang in there ladies, as nothing lasts forever, and this too shall pass, paving the way for a happy and peaceful future period into which you'll emerge wiser and stronger after these ordeals, and clearing the way for the right partners to pop into your lives when you least expect, but also when the timing is just right :). I can't wait for you guys to start feeling a little better, when those first pangs of happiness start to come back...please trust that it won't be too long!

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